I'm new so I apologize in advance if this is long, or not posted in the right place, or I don't know the "lingo", etc.
At first I was going to ask if there are any other women in my situation but I guess this street goes two ways and there may be men out there who can relate.
I am married to a wonderful "great on paper" man who has never drank too much, used drugs, used money poorly, been abusive, or done anything like that. My problem is that he's just kind of emotionally cold. I know men in general are not famous for being empathetic or good listeners, but this goes a bit beyond that.
I just feel I am having a hard time getting him to understand things that hurt or bother me. It's like a piece of his emotional response system is missing. I can sit there and cry about something that is bothering me and when I look at his face, it's like NOTHING is registering.
Of course, over 15 years of being together, this is one of the top 3 things we argue about. He claims he loves me, and asks why I can't see that in how he demonstrates it. To him, coming home and giving me a big hug is a non-verbal way of saying "I love you, I appreciate all that you did today. The house and kids look great."
Another example. Our daughter was born a few years ago in January. She was due on the 22nd. That Christmas, 4 weeks before her due date, he gave me jewelry. When she was born, he did nothing. I mean, he was there, stayed in the hospital, etc but I did not receive flowers, a card, nothing. When I finally asked he said, "That's why I gave you more things at Christmas."
He said he felt we'd be so busy with a toddler and new baby, it was better to do the gifts at Christmas. I realize that is logical but is there such a thing as being TOO logical?
I hurt inside because I feel there must be something wrong with me that I don't spark romantic gestures from him. When I bring it up, he says of course he loves me, and points out all the nice things he does.
So, is this the same thing women have been complaining about since the dawn of time? Are some men just overly logical and more "cold" and not so great about spontaneous loving gestures? He swears up and down he loves me, doesn't want us to get a divorce and he is not unfaithful. I just wonder if anyone else is walking in my shoes and can relate to the pain.
Thanks for reading.
At first I was going to ask if there are any other women in my situation but I guess this street goes two ways and there may be men out there who can relate.
I am married to a wonderful "great on paper" man who has never drank too much, used drugs, used money poorly, been abusive, or done anything like that. My problem is that he's just kind of emotionally cold. I know men in general are not famous for being empathetic or good listeners, but this goes a bit beyond that.
I just feel I am having a hard time getting him to understand things that hurt or bother me. It's like a piece of his emotional response system is missing. I can sit there and cry about something that is bothering me and when I look at his face, it's like NOTHING is registering.
Of course, over 15 years of being together, this is one of the top 3 things we argue about. He claims he loves me, and asks why I can't see that in how he demonstrates it. To him, coming home and giving me a big hug is a non-verbal way of saying "I love you, I appreciate all that you did today. The house and kids look great."
Another example. Our daughter was born a few years ago in January. She was due on the 22nd. That Christmas, 4 weeks before her due date, he gave me jewelry. When she was born, he did nothing. I mean, he was there, stayed in the hospital, etc but I did not receive flowers, a card, nothing. When I finally asked he said, "That's why I gave you more things at Christmas."
He said he felt we'd be so busy with a toddler and new baby, it was better to do the gifts at Christmas. I realize that is logical but is there such a thing as being TOO logical?
I hurt inside because I feel there must be something wrong with me that I don't spark romantic gestures from him. When I bring it up, he says of course he loves me, and points out all the nice things he does.
So, is this the same thing women have been complaining about since the dawn of time? Are some men just overly logical and more "cold" and not so great about spontaneous loving gestures? He swears up and down he loves me, doesn't want us to get a divorce and he is not unfaithful. I just wonder if anyone else is walking in my shoes and can relate to the pain.
Thanks for reading.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment