Hi All,
After like a year of being on this site, my first post. I just hope to reach out and find others that can relate to me in my marital situation.
Will be married seven years this October, and it has not been easy from the very beginning. Brief summary follows..... We had conflict over a number of issues from early on. Me - I am a talker, a communicator and a resolver but have a volatile personality. I display my emotions and not afraid to have it out, resolve and make up. My wife - she is an Ostrich. Buries her head in the sand to issues. Thinks issues will resolve themselves, avoids conflict resolution and confrontation at any cost. Does not communicate unless pushed by me (and boy can I push well). I saw cracks in our marriage from early and it took THREE YEARS for her to agree to go for counselling with me. In retrospect she said she resisted because she felt like it was making it out to be her fault (I of course did not know this and I wish I'd known she felt this way sooner).
Finally we went for counselling and after a month or two our relationship started to improve then we relocated to a new city and fell back into old ways. Me going at her for being passive, me getting frustrated and angry for being "shut out" - her going deeper and deeper into a hole and refusing to communicate or resolve issues (like taking responsibility, like the importance of communication, household chores - a whole range of stuff). We nearly got divorced this January after a Christmas break from HELL. We discussed how we would do it, timelines for moving out, dividing assets etc but I decided to listen to her and give it one more shot and so she initiated counselling this time around, and you know what, it got better again - for a while (from Feb to April was actually a time when my hope and energy started coming back). April was a month from hell again but it started to improve again now.
We have these cycles of ups and downs and have now been in counselling on a weekly basis since Feb. We really hurt each other with our "stuff". At least a few times a month I am emotionally exhausted and at my wits end, not understanding her "stuff", why she freezes, doesn't communicate and RESOLVE stuff with me. I am begging for the interaction. I get angry but there has never been physical harm or contact, only frustration and then she just digs her heels in and will not budge.
People, I am tired - beyond tired. Please tell me some good news. Because although our sex life is non-existent I am not always unhappy. I am in fact happy often in our relationship and so is she. We don't want to split up, but is this inevitable with what I have described to you above?
After like a year of being on this site, my first post. I just hope to reach out and find others that can relate to me in my marital situation.
Will be married seven years this October, and it has not been easy from the very beginning. Brief summary follows..... We had conflict over a number of issues from early on. Me - I am a talker, a communicator and a resolver but have a volatile personality. I display my emotions and not afraid to have it out, resolve and make up. My wife - she is an Ostrich. Buries her head in the sand to issues. Thinks issues will resolve themselves, avoids conflict resolution and confrontation at any cost. Does not communicate unless pushed by me (and boy can I push well). I saw cracks in our marriage from early and it took THREE YEARS for her to agree to go for counselling with me. In retrospect she said she resisted because she felt like it was making it out to be her fault (I of course did not know this and I wish I'd known she felt this way sooner).
Finally we went for counselling and after a month or two our relationship started to improve then we relocated to a new city and fell back into old ways. Me going at her for being passive, me getting frustrated and angry for being "shut out" - her going deeper and deeper into a hole and refusing to communicate or resolve issues (like taking responsibility, like the importance of communication, household chores - a whole range of stuff). We nearly got divorced this January after a Christmas break from HELL. We discussed how we would do it, timelines for moving out, dividing assets etc but I decided to listen to her and give it one more shot and so she initiated counselling this time around, and you know what, it got better again - for a while (from Feb to April was actually a time when my hope and energy started coming back). April was a month from hell again but it started to improve again now.
We have these cycles of ups and downs and have now been in counselling on a weekly basis since Feb. We really hurt each other with our "stuff". At least a few times a month I am emotionally exhausted and at my wits end, not understanding her "stuff", why she freezes, doesn't communicate and RESOLVE stuff with me. I am begging for the interaction. I get angry but there has never been physical harm or contact, only frustration and then she just digs her heels in and will not budge.
People, I am tired - beyond tired. Please tell me some good news. Because although our sex life is non-existent I am not always unhappy. I am in fact happy often in our relationship and so is she. We don't want to split up, but is this inevitable with what I have described to you above?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment