Hi, All!
I will try to be as concise as possible summing up nearly 15 years of marriage. Eight months into our marriage, my husband wrote me a letter asking if I was doing the "best I could do." I was working full time, but he was upset about me not doing the housework. He said he wanted someone who had goals and dreams. In the beginning of our marriage, I jumped to serve him and cater to him. If he withdrew from me, I would apologize just to keep the peace. After my oldest daughter was born, he found comfort with another woman. I took it personally, but took him back. Over the years, he has ignored me for weeks on end. This last bout, he didn't say so much as hello or goodbye for 10 weeks. By nature, I am very communicative. I am a motivational speaker and love what I do, yet day in and day out, I come home to this oppressive behavior. My daughters are looking to me to guide them and I am so frustrated that I've tolerated this for so long.
For years, my husband wanted me to get a fulltime admin job so that he can keep his job as a fulltime musician. Due to childcare, I couldn't justify working fulltime but have kept a flexible schedule to cater to my kids.
In February, he was diagnosed with rectal cancer. It looks like it's under control, but he is still going through treatments. He has been so closed off for years that I don't know what is going on with his treatment. (I didn't even know he was going back to work fulltime until I read it on Facebook.) I was by his side through his surgery in March and thought that, perhaps, this illness would draw us closer. The end of April, we found out that our home loan modification application did not go through and we would be losing our house. It was at this time that he stopped acknowledging my existence entirely. In an effort to find an alternative place to stay, my sister offered her home. He did not want to move. In June he said we've been going our own separate ways and we should just "End This."
Here's my dilemma, on one hand, I'm thankful that he finally broke his silence, on the other hand... he has cancer. He is in treatment. He'd rather be sick and alone than with me. That is hard for me to swallow. I have put up with his verbal abuse and withdrawing nature for years and he just pulls the plug? His demeanor around the house hasn't changed. The only change is that the truth is out.
He told his brother that, "If his wife can't step up financially and with housework now, then she never will." I still pay for things like gas, groceries and babysitters. I'm no June Cleaver, but I'm not a slob. These were issues before the cancer.
My greatest concern is that people are going to find out that we are divorcing and think that I ditched him with cancer. I don't want to get into a he said/she said match, but I also don't want people to think I am leaving him in need.
There are so many more little details, but I will spare you for now.
Has anyone experienced a similar situation? I'd love to hear feedback.
I will try to be as concise as possible summing up nearly 15 years of marriage. Eight months into our marriage, my husband wrote me a letter asking if I was doing the "best I could do." I was working full time, but he was upset about me not doing the housework. He said he wanted someone who had goals and dreams. In the beginning of our marriage, I jumped to serve him and cater to him. If he withdrew from me, I would apologize just to keep the peace. After my oldest daughter was born, he found comfort with another woman. I took it personally, but took him back. Over the years, he has ignored me for weeks on end. This last bout, he didn't say so much as hello or goodbye for 10 weeks. By nature, I am very communicative. I am a motivational speaker and love what I do, yet day in and day out, I come home to this oppressive behavior. My daughters are looking to me to guide them and I am so frustrated that I've tolerated this for so long.
For years, my husband wanted me to get a fulltime admin job so that he can keep his job as a fulltime musician. Due to childcare, I couldn't justify working fulltime but have kept a flexible schedule to cater to my kids.
In February, he was diagnosed with rectal cancer. It looks like it's under control, but he is still going through treatments. He has been so closed off for years that I don't know what is going on with his treatment. (I didn't even know he was going back to work fulltime until I read it on Facebook.) I was by his side through his surgery in March and thought that, perhaps, this illness would draw us closer. The end of April, we found out that our home loan modification application did not go through and we would be losing our house. It was at this time that he stopped acknowledging my existence entirely. In an effort to find an alternative place to stay, my sister offered her home. He did not want to move. In June he said we've been going our own separate ways and we should just "End This."
Here's my dilemma, on one hand, I'm thankful that he finally broke his silence, on the other hand... he has cancer. He is in treatment. He'd rather be sick and alone than with me. That is hard for me to swallow. I have put up with his verbal abuse and withdrawing nature for years and he just pulls the plug? His demeanor around the house hasn't changed. The only change is that the truth is out.
He told his brother that, "If his wife can't step up financially and with housework now, then she never will." I still pay for things like gas, groceries and babysitters. I'm no June Cleaver, but I'm not a slob. These were issues before the cancer.
My greatest concern is that people are going to find out that we are divorcing and think that I ditched him with cancer. I don't want to get into a he said/she said match, but I also don't want people to think I am leaving him in need.
There are so many more little details, but I will spare you for now.
Has anyone experienced a similar situation? I'd love to hear feedback.
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