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Recovering and 18 year Anniversary

It has been a while since I've been to TAM. A lot has happened since I was last here.

Yesterday was our 18 year anniversary and I have to say that I'm surprised that we made it this far. Not because of her being unfaithful again, but because of how I'm still haunted by what she did.

One of the things that has happened was I had a chance to cheat with a much younger and more attractive woman than my wife. Guess I should say I did cheat with this other woman. We was both in our birthday suits and there was a lot of petting and kissing, but I was unable to go all the way. This one event helped me the most with getting over my wifes affair. When I could not go all the way it was a wake up call that I really only wanted to be with my wife. The down side was it made ask myself if I couldn't cause of my love for my wife then how was she able to if she loved me.

It's almost been 3 years since she cheated and I still have nightmares. They are not every night, but a good 3 to 4 times a week. Other than that things are really going great. I still have some major trust issues, but it's getting better. I have still have a bug on her pc and phone, but I don't check the reports very often. She has been honest, faithful, and loving. Doing everything I've needed to get past her affair.

We have had some ups and downs, but we are making it. Some times when things are going great she will break down and sob while apologizing and begging me to forgive her. Some times a song or movie will hit me hard and I withdraw for a while.

For all of you who are thinking about R, it can work if you both want it bad enough. I'm not saying the pain will go away, or that everything will be a bed of roses, but it can be done. I wish you all the best.

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