Hello all
I am devastated.......
I've been married for four years. We have had our ups and downs but we have had the hardest part after our first child was born. We have 2 boys. One is 19 months and one 7 months old.
My husband has always been tight on money but somehow I looked aaway. I was in love and I still am..but it's breaking me...
He has never taken me out to a restaurant without complaining. Before we got married we never went to a restaurant. When we got married I took him to a restaurant. In the year that followed we never went to a restaurant. We did go drink a coffee sometimes but whenever I wanted to buy a sandwich or something sweet with it he always made me feel like I shouldnt..and I accepted this..dont ask me why. The only other times we went to a restaurant was when we were in his country and we were far from his family house and we really needed to eat something. In those weeks I also complained about it so that was the only other time and the first time HE took me to one. So in total of 4 years of marriage (know each other nearly 6 years) weve been three times to a restaurant.
I have given him signs I'd like to go (walking past a restaurant telling him I'd like to try their menu etc ) and I have been straightforward as well..he said he doesnt like their food. Now dont tell me that from the millions of restaurants there's not any with good food. .. bull**** if youd ask me.
Now its not only with restaurants and eating out. If I buy something for myself he says stuff like 'wow you really buy a lot' or 'wow you really do like to spoil yourself' and always has to know how much I've been spending even on the smallest things that only cost a couple pounds.
We buy the clothes for our children second hand. I dont have a problem with tht because I am not a big spender and I like to use our money efficiently and save some too. The kids are very young and grow out of their clothes quickly. But lately I want to buy them NEW shoes because I dont feel comfortable giving them used shoes. Their feet have to grow and I dont think its clean either. He doesnt agree...but at the same time he buys himself a pair of timberlands...GAP clothes etc. Mind you he did buy me 2 GAP dresses. So sometimes he makes me feel like he isnt that tight with money..thats why I think I have looked away many times.
When we are doing our weekly groceries and I want to pick some kind of fruit or anything else that we usually dont he says we dont need it and I should put it back. I feel quiet embarressed so I try to avoid the discussion in store but let him know at home. Like avocados.. no they arent cheap but i love them and they are healthy. He says I never eat them. bUT I know he means 'expensive' becaus ehe said this many times before and when I accuse him of being cheap he says he isnt' So he is using the words differently. I have thrown away an avocado once because I forgot it was there...but I hate to throw away food and try to avoid this at all times..and he knows this..
I can give many more examples but bottom line is...he controlls every penny I spend, we dont go out to restaurants, buying make up is an issue as well..i dont buy it a lot and not the expensive brands but again...its a waste of money...the kids cant have new shoes...and I dont know how to spend money (I never had a high income but always managed to spoi myself and save money and pay my bills.. ) We are not rich but not poor either. We can easily go out every two weeks, buy our kids new shoes, buy make up every month (how much is it 10 pounds a month ?? and buy the food we like to eat at home..AND save money AND go on a holiday once a year..we can afford this...so why why is he doing this and denying it and when I address the issue he acts as if I am the terrible wife that is never satisfied? I am NOT materialistic at all..but this is driving me insane...its even making me fall out of love with him
I really dont know how to talk to him becaus ehe sees me as a nagging woman (trust me I cut down the nagging a ong time ago but sometimes issues like these have to be addressed dont they?) I am very very sad about this. I always cook at home never eat out. The sun is shining outside and im home cooking...
Another example for if ou guys think im just one of those materialistic women. I was pregnant with baby number one and craving pizza.
I never order food we neer eat out
that day I ordered 1 pizza
he made a big deal out of it...because its oh so expensive...:-(
I am devastated.......
I've been married for four years. We have had our ups and downs but we have had the hardest part after our first child was born. We have 2 boys. One is 19 months and one 7 months old.
My husband has always been tight on money but somehow I looked aaway. I was in love and I still am..but it's breaking me...
He has never taken me out to a restaurant without complaining. Before we got married we never went to a restaurant. When we got married I took him to a restaurant. In the year that followed we never went to a restaurant. We did go drink a coffee sometimes but whenever I wanted to buy a sandwich or something sweet with it he always made me feel like I shouldnt..and I accepted this..dont ask me why. The only other times we went to a restaurant was when we were in his country and we were far from his family house and we really needed to eat something. In those weeks I also complained about it so that was the only other time and the first time HE took me to one. So in total of 4 years of marriage (know each other nearly 6 years) weve been three times to a restaurant.
I have given him signs I'd like to go (walking past a restaurant telling him I'd like to try their menu etc ) and I have been straightforward as well..he said he doesnt like their food. Now dont tell me that from the millions of restaurants there's not any with good food. .. bull**** if youd ask me.
Now its not only with restaurants and eating out. If I buy something for myself he says stuff like 'wow you really buy a lot' or 'wow you really do like to spoil yourself' and always has to know how much I've been spending even on the smallest things that only cost a couple pounds.
We buy the clothes for our children second hand. I dont have a problem with tht because I am not a big spender and I like to use our money efficiently and save some too. The kids are very young and grow out of their clothes quickly. But lately I want to buy them NEW shoes because I dont feel comfortable giving them used shoes. Their feet have to grow and I dont think its clean either. He doesnt agree...but at the same time he buys himself a pair of timberlands...GAP clothes etc. Mind you he did buy me 2 GAP dresses. So sometimes he makes me feel like he isnt that tight with money..thats why I think I have looked away many times.
When we are doing our weekly groceries and I want to pick some kind of fruit or anything else that we usually dont he says we dont need it and I should put it back. I feel quiet embarressed so I try to avoid the discussion in store but let him know at home. Like avocados.. no they arent cheap but i love them and they are healthy. He says I never eat them. bUT I know he means 'expensive' becaus ehe said this many times before and when I accuse him of being cheap he says he isnt' So he is using the words differently. I have thrown away an avocado once because I forgot it was there...but I hate to throw away food and try to avoid this at all times..and he knows this..
I can give many more examples but bottom line is...he controlls every penny I spend, we dont go out to restaurants, buying make up is an issue as well..i dont buy it a lot and not the expensive brands but again...its a waste of money...the kids cant have new shoes...and I dont know how to spend money (I never had a high income but always managed to spoi myself and save money and pay my bills.. ) We are not rich but not poor either. We can easily go out every two weeks, buy our kids new shoes, buy make up every month (how much is it 10 pounds a month ?? and buy the food we like to eat at home..AND save money AND go on a holiday once a year..we can afford this...so why why is he doing this and denying it and when I address the issue he acts as if I am the terrible wife that is never satisfied? I am NOT materialistic at all..but this is driving me insane...its even making me fall out of love with him
I really dont know how to talk to him becaus ehe sees me as a nagging woman (trust me I cut down the nagging a ong time ago but sometimes issues like these have to be addressed dont they?) I am very very sad about this. I always cook at home never eat out. The sun is shining outside and im home cooking...
Another example for if ou guys think im just one of those materialistic women. I was pregnant with baby number one and craving pizza.
I never order food we neer eat out
that day I ordered 1 pizza
he made a big deal out of it...because its oh so expensive...:-(
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