my wife wants me to sell my rare sports car. She says that she moved away from her native country and away from her family for me, and made various other sacrifices but I have never sacrificed something that meant something to me.
Of course that's not true, I sacrifice a lot, it's just that I don't make a big deal of it once I've committed to sacrificing it. The car on the other hand, I do have an issue with because I feel like it's emotional blackmail.
Its true that 11 years ago I was a bit of an ass, and I coerced her to do some things that I felt was for her own good or the good of the family, and it didn't turn out too good. I really hated living in her native country and I had to leave because it was driving me crazy, and after leaving the country her father died shortly; also we weren't that rich at the time and we were giving money to her mom, but the mom wasn't in turn giving the money to the dad for his medical bills; I said I didn't want to give any extra money to the dad because the mom should be giving him the money. Anyway, after his death, of course she blamed me.
I also used to have a bit of a temper problem that I'm doing everything in my power to control. I found out recently that I have a blood sugar problem which contributed to grumpiness in the morning, so I'm going to deal with that. The point is, I'm doing everything I can to make her happy. I don't feel people should be penalized for mistakes, as long as they're actively trying their best to make things better.
But the car is still an issue for her. She feels that if I give this up, then it's symbolic that I am willing to give up something that is important to me for her. I feel that we should try very hard to make each other happy - she shouldn't want harm to come to me. I am definitely trying very hard to make her happy.
The car is not more important than her or the kids. I would sell the car in a second, if the family needed the money. But they don't, so it's a pointless exercise in sadism in my opinion. I am a principled person, so the thought of punishing myself over a "symbolic gesture" does not sit well with me.
Anyway - what do you guys think? Sell the car? Or not? If not - how should I approach this? This car is my dream car, and it has a lot of value. Even if I were "allowed" to get a sports car in the future, I'm not really that interested - it's only my car that I'm interested in.
Of course that's not true, I sacrifice a lot, it's just that I don't make a big deal of it once I've committed to sacrificing it. The car on the other hand, I do have an issue with because I feel like it's emotional blackmail.
Its true that 11 years ago I was a bit of an ass, and I coerced her to do some things that I felt was for her own good or the good of the family, and it didn't turn out too good. I really hated living in her native country and I had to leave because it was driving me crazy, and after leaving the country her father died shortly; also we weren't that rich at the time and we were giving money to her mom, but the mom wasn't in turn giving the money to the dad for his medical bills; I said I didn't want to give any extra money to the dad because the mom should be giving him the money. Anyway, after his death, of course she blamed me.
I also used to have a bit of a temper problem that I'm doing everything in my power to control. I found out recently that I have a blood sugar problem which contributed to grumpiness in the morning, so I'm going to deal with that. The point is, I'm doing everything I can to make her happy. I don't feel people should be penalized for mistakes, as long as they're actively trying their best to make things better.
But the car is still an issue for her. She feels that if I give this up, then it's symbolic that I am willing to give up something that is important to me for her. I feel that we should try very hard to make each other happy - she shouldn't want harm to come to me. I am definitely trying very hard to make her happy.
The car is not more important than her or the kids. I would sell the car in a second, if the family needed the money. But they don't, so it's a pointless exercise in sadism in my opinion. I am a principled person, so the thought of punishing myself over a "symbolic gesture" does not sit well with me.
Anyway - what do you guys think? Sell the car? Or not? If not - how should I approach this? This car is my dream car, and it has a lot of value. Even if I were "allowed" to get a sports car in the future, I'm not really that interested - it's only my car that I'm interested in.
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