I'm 19, male and have an 18 year old boyfriend. In the last few months, I've been having an 'affair' with a 21 year old guy. I'm in my second year at uni and this guy is in his first year. I've been with my boyfriend since the start of last August. They've never met each other.
I find my boyfriend attractive, but sex with him isn't very good. He doesn't agree with drinking or going out to bars, clubs, etc, which I find fun, and he doesn't let me drink alcohol. He makes me feel guilty when I go out, because he disagrees with it completely. He's very needy and clingy, but he's always there for me when I need him, and we do have fun when we're together. He's always texting/Facebook messaging me throughout the day, which gets annoying, and I have to call him most days. He doesn't know I'm cheating on him.
The 21 year old I met a few months ago, from Grindr, because I was getting bored of my boyfriend and was very close to breaking up with him. He's more physically attractive than my boyfriend, more well-read, and he likes to go to bars and clubs, and drinks. I have a lot of fun with him when going out, and sex with him is amazing. It's nice to be with him and not worry about things like neediness, just having a good time, talking, being in bed with him, drinking with him, etc. He doesn't know I have a boyfriend; he knows my boyfriend as just a 'friend' who I've mentioned a few times. He has hinted a few times about wanting to be my boyfriend, but I'm never sure if he wants to be or not; we never talk about it.
Obviously I know how horrible I'm being, cheating on my boyfriend to such a great extent, but I feel trapped when I'm with him. I can't enjoy some things I like when I'm with him, and he makes me feel guilty for wanting to go out, and for drinking (he knows I go out, but not that I drink). I feel like he's a 'safe choice', just because I don't want to be on my own and that I can see myself with him in the future, but then I think the exact opposite, that I don't want to be with him. The 21 year old makes me feel great; I'm allowed to do what I want and I feel free. Being intimate with him is so much better than intimacy with my boyfriend. I went out to a club with him last night, drinking, and it was a lot of fun, and we had sex when we got back to his place. We spooned in bed until 1:30pm, then we talked and kissed for a couple of hours, and then I went home.
I have no idea what to do and I don't know how much longer I can keep running there two different 'worlds'. Any advice would be appreciated, but please don't take the opportunity to call me a slut, or tell me how horrible I'm being. Thank you.
I find my boyfriend attractive, but sex with him isn't very good. He doesn't agree with drinking or going out to bars, clubs, etc, which I find fun, and he doesn't let me drink alcohol. He makes me feel guilty when I go out, because he disagrees with it completely. He's very needy and clingy, but he's always there for me when I need him, and we do have fun when we're together. He's always texting/Facebook messaging me throughout the day, which gets annoying, and I have to call him most days. He doesn't know I'm cheating on him.
The 21 year old I met a few months ago, from Grindr, because I was getting bored of my boyfriend and was very close to breaking up with him. He's more physically attractive than my boyfriend, more well-read, and he likes to go to bars and clubs, and drinks. I have a lot of fun with him when going out, and sex with him is amazing. It's nice to be with him and not worry about things like neediness, just having a good time, talking, being in bed with him, drinking with him, etc. He doesn't know I have a boyfriend; he knows my boyfriend as just a 'friend' who I've mentioned a few times. He has hinted a few times about wanting to be my boyfriend, but I'm never sure if he wants to be or not; we never talk about it.
Obviously I know how horrible I'm being, cheating on my boyfriend to such a great extent, but I feel trapped when I'm with him. I can't enjoy some things I like when I'm with him, and he makes me feel guilty for wanting to go out, and for drinking (he knows I go out, but not that I drink). I feel like he's a 'safe choice', just because I don't want to be on my own and that I can see myself with him in the future, but then I think the exact opposite, that I don't want to be with him. The 21 year old makes me feel great; I'm allowed to do what I want and I feel free. Being intimate with him is so much better than intimacy with my boyfriend. I went out to a club with him last night, drinking, and it was a lot of fun, and we had sex when we got back to his place. We spooned in bed until 1:30pm, then we talked and kissed for a couple of hours, and then I went home.
I have no idea what to do and I don't know how much longer I can keep running there two different 'worlds'. Any advice would be appreciated, but please don't take the opportunity to call me a slut, or tell me how horrible I'm being. Thank you.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment