2 years ago my spouse and I were 2 years into a very rough patch in our marriage. Infidelity, loss of control over spending, outbursts, depression, threats of divorce and suicide. In general a very very bad time in both our lives. Therapy was out of the question for one of us and very much a path to fixing it for the other. I made a list of things that I though would help and sent them to her. She responded in kind. That's the backstory. I won't say who's list belongs to whom to avoid bias.
I am curious to hear opinions on where you think each of us is in this relationship. This was 2 years ago and we are now on the brink of divorce.
Party A
1. Please give me an opportunity to fail and forgive me when I do. I am asking for you to be more tolerant of my imperfections
2. Give me the benefit of the doubt. I am always trying to do what is right, even though sometimes it seems I am not. I need you to believe in me that my intentions are always good.
3. Allow me a little freedom to spend a little money on myself. I am not asking for a lot, just as you enjoy your starbucks and other things, I enjoy a couple of indulgences as well. I promise to keep them in check for the good of our family
4. It's the little things..to know you are thinking about me. Call me just to tell me you love me, Forgive me, Support me, Love me.
5. Make plans with me for the future, talk about our dreams and what our goals are together.
Party B
1) Genuinely smile unless you are in physical pain. Smile when you say hello and goodbye, and when you are speaking to others regardless of the topic.
2) Tell me what you want (or don't want). Ask questions that are leading me to the "right" answer. Don't make me guess what will make you happy.
3) Find a passion for activities "outside the family". Take classes, join a club, or play a sport or volunteer to help others. Do it regularly.
4) Make it your mission in life to make others happy by putting them first. Blame no one, expect nothing, do something.
5) When "reading between the lines" remember you can interpret all messages two ways. Always choose the positive and well-meaning intentions.
I am curious to hear opinions on where you think each of us is in this relationship. This was 2 years ago and we are now on the brink of divorce.
Party A
1. Please give me an opportunity to fail and forgive me when I do. I am asking for you to be more tolerant of my imperfections
2. Give me the benefit of the doubt. I am always trying to do what is right, even though sometimes it seems I am not. I need you to believe in me that my intentions are always good.
3. Allow me a little freedom to spend a little money on myself. I am not asking for a lot, just as you enjoy your starbucks and other things, I enjoy a couple of indulgences as well. I promise to keep them in check for the good of our family
4. It's the little things..to know you are thinking about me. Call me just to tell me you love me, Forgive me, Support me, Love me.
5. Make plans with me for the future, talk about our dreams and what our goals are together.
Party B
1) Genuinely smile unless you are in physical pain. Smile when you say hello and goodbye, and when you are speaking to others regardless of the topic.
2) Tell me what you want (or don't want). Ask questions that are leading me to the "right" answer. Don't make me guess what will make you happy.
3) Find a passion for activities "outside the family". Take classes, join a club, or play a sport or volunteer to help others. Do it regularly.
4) Make it your mission in life to make others happy by putting them first. Blame no one, expect nothing, do something.
5) When "reading between the lines" remember you can interpret all messages two ways. Always choose the positive and well-meaning intentions.
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