Here's the story. I'll try to make it brief.
My boyfriend of 5 years and I own a business together. We have an office and one employee - his dad.
Last week I made a mistake and he got on my case for it (rightly so). I apologized and acknowledged that I effed up. I thought it was over.
Yesterday the same issue came up again and he started getting on my case again for the same thing as last week. Nothing too terrible or anything, but it was really getting on my nerves and adding stress to the situation. Finally I said loudly "Stop yelling at me!" This was while his dad was there in the next room and even though I didn't scream it or anything, I'm sure he heard and it embarrassed my boyfriend.
Just a side note - My BF is super sensitive to being embarrassed. When most people would just feel slightly embarrassed about something, he's mortified. Especially when it is in front of his family.
Also, there is an office next door and they might have heard because the walls are very thin. I didn't hear them there yesterday, but we can often hear conversations word for word when they are just talking in normal voices.
Anyway, my boyfriend then got in my face and called me a B*TCH and a "public embarrassment." He left and I went back to my work. But a few minutes later he came back and started getting in my face again for embarrassing him in front of his dad and then started calling me a retard and worthless. He was talking intensely and spitting in my face (not intentionally) so I put my hand in front of my face to block the spit. He slapped it away and started calling me names again and threatened to drag me into the bathroom and beat me.
I told him not to threaten me and I wouldn't tolerate it. In that moment, his dad walked into the room and probably heard me.
My boyfriend then proceeded to point to me and tell his dad "see this is why I'm always late. I have to deal with THIS." ("This" being me. Apparently I don't have a name and I'm not even "she" -- I'm just this.)
He is always late regardless of if I'm there or not and his family has told me that has always been the case, even before we met. I looked at him and asked him, right in front of his dad, why an almost 32 year old man was running to his daddy with his relationship problems. I probably shouldn't have done this. It was mean and uncalled for and I regret saying that.
His dad kind of just rolled his eyes and tried to change the subject, but I walked away and went into the bathroom (the only room with a lock) and started crying.
His dad left, and my boyfriend came back and demanded I come out because he had to leave. I said "why do you need me? just go" and I said it loudly because it was through a door so he could hear me. The volume of my voice was apparently hugely offensive, probably because there might have been someone next door. He told me if I didn't open the door that instant I would be sorry. I didn't. So he took a screwdriver and took off the doorknob and that's when it got violent.
He grabbed me by the throat and pushed me against the wall. I hit my head at least three times. I have a headache today - not sure if it's related because I get headaches a lot. He had a screwdriver and was holding it like a knife, as if he was going to stab me with it. He then grabbed my neck with both hands. Then he realized what he had done and stopped and apologized and hugged me.
All last night he said he was sorry and knew he shouldn't do that, but we BOTH need to work on how we treat each other.
Honestly I don't know what to do. I want to end the relationship, but if I do there will be very bad consequences.
I'm at my parents' home right now because my mother has cancer and I'm looking after her today. My boyfriend has threatened to make my mom's life hell by being a disturbance in the neighborhood. In the past when I tried to end the relationship he said "I will show up at your door and your mom can't handle the stress in her state."
He has also threatened to tell people that I never worked for our business so my resume is blank for over a year and I won't be able to find work.
I also feel bad for him because all of our business debt is in his name. If I leave, he can't afford to hire anyone ( I haven't gotten paid for a year) and the work I do won't get done. He's just one person, and even though he is smart and capable he won't be able to keep up. He can't even afford to pay someone minimum wage. If I leave, he will likely have major financial problems. So will his dad because his dad, who is retired and on a fixed income, lent the business a lot of money.
This break up doesn't just affect me and my boyfriend. It also will negatively affect both of our families.
I just don't know what to do. Even though I contributed to the fight, I don't think I deserved to be choked.
My boyfriend of 5 years and I own a business together. We have an office and one employee - his dad.
Last week I made a mistake and he got on my case for it (rightly so). I apologized and acknowledged that I effed up. I thought it was over.
Yesterday the same issue came up again and he started getting on my case again for the same thing as last week. Nothing too terrible or anything, but it was really getting on my nerves and adding stress to the situation. Finally I said loudly "Stop yelling at me!" This was while his dad was there in the next room and even though I didn't scream it or anything, I'm sure he heard and it embarrassed my boyfriend.
Just a side note - My BF is super sensitive to being embarrassed. When most people would just feel slightly embarrassed about something, he's mortified. Especially when it is in front of his family.
Also, there is an office next door and they might have heard because the walls are very thin. I didn't hear them there yesterday, but we can often hear conversations word for word when they are just talking in normal voices.
Anyway, my boyfriend then got in my face and called me a B*TCH and a "public embarrassment." He left and I went back to my work. But a few minutes later he came back and started getting in my face again for embarrassing him in front of his dad and then started calling me a retard and worthless. He was talking intensely and spitting in my face (not intentionally) so I put my hand in front of my face to block the spit. He slapped it away and started calling me names again and threatened to drag me into the bathroom and beat me.
I told him not to threaten me and I wouldn't tolerate it. In that moment, his dad walked into the room and probably heard me.
My boyfriend then proceeded to point to me and tell his dad "see this is why I'm always late. I have to deal with THIS." ("This" being me. Apparently I don't have a name and I'm not even "she" -- I'm just this.)
He is always late regardless of if I'm there or not and his family has told me that has always been the case, even before we met. I looked at him and asked him, right in front of his dad, why an almost 32 year old man was running to his daddy with his relationship problems. I probably shouldn't have done this. It was mean and uncalled for and I regret saying that.
His dad kind of just rolled his eyes and tried to change the subject, but I walked away and went into the bathroom (the only room with a lock) and started crying.
His dad left, and my boyfriend came back and demanded I come out because he had to leave. I said "why do you need me? just go" and I said it loudly because it was through a door so he could hear me. The volume of my voice was apparently hugely offensive, probably because there might have been someone next door. He told me if I didn't open the door that instant I would be sorry. I didn't. So he took a screwdriver and took off the doorknob and that's when it got violent.
He grabbed me by the throat and pushed me against the wall. I hit my head at least three times. I have a headache today - not sure if it's related because I get headaches a lot. He had a screwdriver and was holding it like a knife, as if he was going to stab me with it. He then grabbed my neck with both hands. Then he realized what he had done and stopped and apologized and hugged me.
All last night he said he was sorry and knew he shouldn't do that, but we BOTH need to work on how we treat each other.
Honestly I don't know what to do. I want to end the relationship, but if I do there will be very bad consequences.
I'm at my parents' home right now because my mother has cancer and I'm looking after her today. My boyfriend has threatened to make my mom's life hell by being a disturbance in the neighborhood. In the past when I tried to end the relationship he said "I will show up at your door and your mom can't handle the stress in her state."
He has also threatened to tell people that I never worked for our business so my resume is blank for over a year and I won't be able to find work.
I also feel bad for him because all of our business debt is in his name. If I leave, he can't afford to hire anyone ( I haven't gotten paid for a year) and the work I do won't get done. He's just one person, and even though he is smart and capable he won't be able to keep up. He can't even afford to pay someone minimum wage. If I leave, he will likely have major financial problems. So will his dad because his dad, who is retired and on a fixed income, lent the business a lot of money.
This break up doesn't just affect me and my boyfriend. It also will negatively affect both of our families.
I just don't know what to do. Even though I contributed to the fight, I don't think I deserved to be choked.
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