so i am about half way through the book now. I started reading because i have lost all power in my life, strength to stand up for myself and needs, and because my wife has had an ongoing affair for two years + now and im seeing more of the pain and damage it has done that somehow i have repressed.
My question is that in the book it states how Nice Guys ...
"They genuinely believe their commitment to being "good" and doing it "right" is what makes them valuable and compensates for their internalized belief that they are bad."
"Nice Guys interpret a woman's approval as the ultimate validation of their worth. Signs of a woman's approval can take the form of her desire to have sex, flirtatious behavior, a smile, a touch, or attentiveness."
"Nice Guys have told me that they feel guilty if they are in a good
mood when their partner is not."
Above i have pulled just a few things i read and noticed, these are all things i do see myself doing or feeling but.. here is what blew me away i know before my wife and i got together back when i was 19 and her 16 almost 17 i had some traits of "nice guy" but i also was one F what people think of me im me and if you dont like it so be it but i still cared helped and compromised with people just definetly was more about me.
Over the years io have been worked more and more into the above statments but they were worked into me by my Wife.
she wants me to do or feel these things. If i dont change my ways or be what she wants why should she end the affair.
If i dont meet her needs or wants she will be distant not want to flirt or attentive this is not huge but enough to notice. She had done alot of the giving even though i was distant and withdrawn (she says this but i do not think it was as bad as she made it) before when we were first married right before i found out she was still talking to this guy ( she had cheated on me with him before when we were dating) But she gave up on trying because i didnt change my ways.
Lasty she get upset or atleast through actions and words makes me feel as if she is upset because she is down and depressed about our broken marriage or her having two abortions (pregnant from OM) to try and save our marriage and show she wanted to save us and i am in a good o atleast upbeat mood.
Is it possible to have someone push you to be that "Nice guy" that is not really me atleast not to the point i am now.
My question is that in the book it states how Nice Guys ...
"They genuinely believe their commitment to being "good" and doing it "right" is what makes them valuable and compensates for their internalized belief that they are bad."
"Nice Guys interpret a woman's approval as the ultimate validation of their worth. Signs of a woman's approval can take the form of her desire to have sex, flirtatious behavior, a smile, a touch, or attentiveness."
"Nice Guys have told me that they feel guilty if they are in a good
mood when their partner is not."
Above i have pulled just a few things i read and noticed, these are all things i do see myself doing or feeling but.. here is what blew me away i know before my wife and i got together back when i was 19 and her 16 almost 17 i had some traits of "nice guy" but i also was one F what people think of me im me and if you dont like it so be it but i still cared helped and compromised with people just definetly was more about me.
Over the years io have been worked more and more into the above statments but they were worked into me by my Wife.
she wants me to do or feel these things. If i dont change my ways or be what she wants why should she end the affair.
If i dont meet her needs or wants she will be distant not want to flirt or attentive this is not huge but enough to notice. She had done alot of the giving even though i was distant and withdrawn (she says this but i do not think it was as bad as she made it) before when we were first married right before i found out she was still talking to this guy ( she had cheated on me with him before when we were dating) But she gave up on trying because i didnt change my ways.
Lasty she get upset or atleast through actions and words makes me feel as if she is upset because she is down and depressed about our broken marriage or her having two abortions (pregnant from OM) to try and save our marriage and show she wanted to save us and i am in a good o atleast upbeat mood.
Is it possible to have someone push you to be that "Nice guy" that is not really me atleast not to the point i am now.
Put the internet to work for you.
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