DH and I have been together/married 12/7 years. We're in a loving relationship, but our professional lives keep shaking us up emotionally. I've been reflecting and would appreciate any thoughts or relevant experiences had by my fellow TAM members.
We've both experienced "bosses" of one kind or another that were degrading toward us, and lack of job stability in our respective fields which has led toward self-doubt and/or more serious depression. Recently, we've been able to better ride those waves and be more confident in ourselves. We are both undergoing career transitions and praying that our tax return will keep us afloat until we get our footing.
H has found his passion, it took some time for us to both realize that he's will never be a '9-5' kind of guy, but always a 24/7 kind of guy that just doesn't turn off. He's an artistic type and has made some solid gains in a difficult industry that are about to pay off. Part of the difficulty is that once this gets really going, he needs to be really mobile, hopping from one coast to the other and anywhere in between. He's been worried that I won't be able to be flexible that way.
I worried about it too, I grew up with the stablest of homes when it comes to career and locality. My parents are in the same home entering into their 35th and 42nd year at the same jobs. Especially being the primary earner, I had the mentality that I needed to be stable, an anchor. It worked for me for the first 5 years. I made safe decisions and financial gains, while allowing my H to make necessary educational, professional and emotional developments.
Now, however, the educational industry that I am a part of is rapidly deteriorating in many ways. I am still a passionate educator, but it is no longer a stable or even viable career option for me as a teacher. I've been searching where to direct my passions next, but have had difficulty visualizing goals. I could go into publishing, research or politics with relative ease ('relative' bc changing careers is always incredibly hard) since I already have a new degree under my belt.
Upon recent reflection, I think my mentality of needing to be 'stable' started to backfire into rigidity (It's hard, because it worked well for my parents, and me too at first). I think we've had increasing difficulty in our relationship because I've been convinced that I need to be more provider than partner. Since H is moving toward such a dynamically mobile career, if I choose a career path that's too 'stable' I'll be out of sync with him. So now I'm starting to view my possible professional aspirations with the goal of being 'in sync' instead of 'stable'
btw, we do own a home (near where I grew up) that we both agree we will keep forever no matter where or how often our jobs take us. (thankfully its affordable too)
So, any thoughts on what it means to be 'stable' or 'in sync'?
Anybody else been through something like this?
What effects have career changes had on your relationships?
We've both experienced "bosses" of one kind or another that were degrading toward us, and lack of job stability in our respective fields which has led toward self-doubt and/or more serious depression. Recently, we've been able to better ride those waves and be more confident in ourselves. We are both undergoing career transitions and praying that our tax return will keep us afloat until we get our footing.
H has found his passion, it took some time for us to both realize that he's will never be a '9-5' kind of guy, but always a 24/7 kind of guy that just doesn't turn off. He's an artistic type and has made some solid gains in a difficult industry that are about to pay off. Part of the difficulty is that once this gets really going, he needs to be really mobile, hopping from one coast to the other and anywhere in between. He's been worried that I won't be able to be flexible that way.
I worried about it too, I grew up with the stablest of homes when it comes to career and locality. My parents are in the same home entering into their 35th and 42nd year at the same jobs. Especially being the primary earner, I had the mentality that I needed to be stable, an anchor. It worked for me for the first 5 years. I made safe decisions and financial gains, while allowing my H to make necessary educational, professional and emotional developments.
Now, however, the educational industry that I am a part of is rapidly deteriorating in many ways. I am still a passionate educator, but it is no longer a stable or even viable career option for me as a teacher. I've been searching where to direct my passions next, but have had difficulty visualizing goals. I could go into publishing, research or politics with relative ease ('relative' bc changing careers is always incredibly hard) since I already have a new degree under my belt.
Upon recent reflection, I think my mentality of needing to be 'stable' started to backfire into rigidity (It's hard, because it worked well for my parents, and me too at first). I think we've had increasing difficulty in our relationship because I've been convinced that I need to be more provider than partner. Since H is moving toward such a dynamically mobile career, if I choose a career path that's too 'stable' I'll be out of sync with him. So now I'm starting to view my possible professional aspirations with the goal of being 'in sync' instead of 'stable'
btw, we do own a home (near where I grew up) that we both agree we will keep forever no matter where or how often our jobs take us. (thankfully its affordable too)
So, any thoughts on what it means to be 'stable' or 'in sync'?
Anybody else been through something like this?
What effects have career changes had on your relationships?
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