I know that people reading this are going to think I am either an idiot, a horrible person, naïve or all of the above. But I need to get this out and I desperately need some advice.
I have fallen, madly, desperately, head over heels in love with someone. However the universe is completely against it for so many reasons. The first being that he lives on another continent.
I have been in a relationship for 3 years, with a somewhat abusive boyfriend. This, added to the fact that I am diagnosed with depression and social anxiety has damaged me more than I can really say. I have not left him in these years because I genuinely don't think I will ever find someone else with my anxieties, and being alone makes me feel alienated from people and almost suicidal. So I have put up with being made to feel worthless, and now I have sort of become like ice, whatever he says it doesn't have much of an effect anymore as I am used to it. I can confidently say that I do not love him at all and he doesn't love me, he just likes to have someone around to sleep with. He frequently says 'I can treat you how I like, I know you would never leave me'.
I have had my heart broken before, and I avoid having that experience again like the plague, with a solution for me being not to give someone your heart to break. I have been able to get by with this mentality.
However, on a holiday I met someone and instantly I felt something I have never felt in my life. He worked at the hotel, and by chance we got talking, and I found myself spending every possible moment with him. We talked about everything possible, I felt I had known this person for a long time. However, doing 'anything' with this person wasn't on the agenda for either of us, he knew I had a bf and said he respected him so would not do anything, and all along I thought, I am too weak inside to have the experience of being hurt again. I knew if he even kissed me, that would be it. I would have fallen for him.
When I got home, I find myself talking to him at every possible moment, we message each other all day, and Skype all night. He has never tried to do anything 'disrespectful'. One day he told me on Skype that he loved me, and I found myself saying it back and he actually cried, something I have never thought a man would do. He wants me to go back in 2 months, and this is where further problems start.
The place is a muslim country, and he technically is however he says he doesn't believe in it or follow the religion. But, because it is a muslim country my parents definitely won't want me to go there alone, additionally my dad thinks that the men from there just use western girls for sex. Further on this issue, for a man from that country to stay in a hotel with a foreigner they have to get an 'urfi', which is basically a paper 'marriage', which you rip up when you divorce. Many people in this resort have this paper. He has already got one for us, and said that when I come and if we want to stay together I will have to sign it, but he says I can have the paper and can rip it up whenever I want. I know this sounds like he just wants sex, but actually he has suggested REAL marriage to me, but it is me that says no I can't make a decision like that right now.
I really want to go back and see if this is real, otherwise I will spend my life wondering 'what if'. But my parents won't like me doing it. If I went and they didn't want me to could they call the police? I am 22 years old by the way. I am a very untrusting person, but I find myself really feeling that he is genuine. Reading this you will think I am stupid, I am sure.
Any advice would be appreciated.
I have fallen, madly, desperately, head over heels in love with someone. However the universe is completely against it for so many reasons. The first being that he lives on another continent.
I have been in a relationship for 3 years, with a somewhat abusive boyfriend. This, added to the fact that I am diagnosed with depression and social anxiety has damaged me more than I can really say. I have not left him in these years because I genuinely don't think I will ever find someone else with my anxieties, and being alone makes me feel alienated from people and almost suicidal. So I have put up with being made to feel worthless, and now I have sort of become like ice, whatever he says it doesn't have much of an effect anymore as I am used to it. I can confidently say that I do not love him at all and he doesn't love me, he just likes to have someone around to sleep with. He frequently says 'I can treat you how I like, I know you would never leave me'.
I have had my heart broken before, and I avoid having that experience again like the plague, with a solution for me being not to give someone your heart to break. I have been able to get by with this mentality.
However, on a holiday I met someone and instantly I felt something I have never felt in my life. He worked at the hotel, and by chance we got talking, and I found myself spending every possible moment with him. We talked about everything possible, I felt I had known this person for a long time. However, doing 'anything' with this person wasn't on the agenda for either of us, he knew I had a bf and said he respected him so would not do anything, and all along I thought, I am too weak inside to have the experience of being hurt again. I knew if he even kissed me, that would be it. I would have fallen for him.
When I got home, I find myself talking to him at every possible moment, we message each other all day, and Skype all night. He has never tried to do anything 'disrespectful'. One day he told me on Skype that he loved me, and I found myself saying it back and he actually cried, something I have never thought a man would do. He wants me to go back in 2 months, and this is where further problems start.
The place is a muslim country, and he technically is however he says he doesn't believe in it or follow the religion. But, because it is a muslim country my parents definitely won't want me to go there alone, additionally my dad thinks that the men from there just use western girls for sex. Further on this issue, for a man from that country to stay in a hotel with a foreigner they have to get an 'urfi', which is basically a paper 'marriage', which you rip up when you divorce. Many people in this resort have this paper. He has already got one for us, and said that when I come and if we want to stay together I will have to sign it, but he says I can have the paper and can rip it up whenever I want. I know this sounds like he just wants sex, but actually he has suggested REAL marriage to me, but it is me that says no I can't make a decision like that right now.
I really want to go back and see if this is real, otherwise I will spend my life wondering 'what if'. But my parents won't like me doing it. If I went and they didn't want me to could they call the police? I am 22 years old by the way. I am a very untrusting person, but I find myself really feeling that he is genuine. Reading this you will think I am stupid, I am sure.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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