I have a kind of not ordinary situation with a man I've been 'friends' with for about 2 years. We met at work, we work together indirectly, and see each other from time to time at the work place. Background is I was married for 20 years, divorced 3 yrs. He was married for a very short time years ago.
We started talking, initially dated for a short while, then he basically told me he was not at a point where he was ready to move to the next level. Since that time, we've grown closer and developed an intimate relationship, all but the physical part. He has maintained that he is against dating someone he works with, as a result of a sour end to a previous relationship a few years ago.
In the last week or so, I found myself at a work Xmas party where we went to the party together and it kind of spontaneously morphed into us being 'together' at the party, like we were a couple. We had a wonderful time, and it was everything I had been waiting for. A serious conversation afterward resulted in both of us putting the cards on the table. I told him that I loved him and simply could never be 'just friends' with him. I have been trying that for the last 6 months or so, because I value his friendship, but it is killing me, and that ultimately, I felt we would have to stop all contact as it's not fair to me. He revealed that he has feelings for me, loves me as I love him, and does not want to stop all contact cold turkey. He even went as far as saying that he 'had some hurdles to overcome, but wants it to be me at the finish line."
Initially I was elated as his admission of feelings for me so plainly, as well as his actions at the party, validated what I had felt for so long. I reveled in it for a few days, however, I'm not so sure that much has changed. I still see us at an impasse, and wondering exactly how long it will take him to 'get to the finish line' where I'm standing waiting for him. This is a person who does not act carelessly when it comes to his emotions and feelings. I know he will not be rushed into anything, obviously, since it took 2 years to get to this point. And I am not stupid enough to attempt to change a person. I admire his conviction and respect his feelings, but I do not want to kid myself and wind up with a broken heart either.
He is leaving in a few days to visit family and will be gone for 10 days. We are tentatively set to meet for dinner before he leaves ,which if it happens, I will keep light and fun without any stress. I'm just concerned about how to proceed. We both have admitted that whatever this thing is that we have, we are definitely more than friends, but not yet lovers. There is an "us", however, we are struggling to get to a comfortable mutual point of what direction we are going in. We both know that we do not want to walk away from each other, and have no contact at all. So ....where to go from here???
TIA,
K
We started talking, initially dated for a short while, then he basically told me he was not at a point where he was ready to move to the next level. Since that time, we've grown closer and developed an intimate relationship, all but the physical part. He has maintained that he is against dating someone he works with, as a result of a sour end to a previous relationship a few years ago.
In the last week or so, I found myself at a work Xmas party where we went to the party together and it kind of spontaneously morphed into us being 'together' at the party, like we were a couple. We had a wonderful time, and it was everything I had been waiting for. A serious conversation afterward resulted in both of us putting the cards on the table. I told him that I loved him and simply could never be 'just friends' with him. I have been trying that for the last 6 months or so, because I value his friendship, but it is killing me, and that ultimately, I felt we would have to stop all contact as it's not fair to me. He revealed that he has feelings for me, loves me as I love him, and does not want to stop all contact cold turkey. He even went as far as saying that he 'had some hurdles to overcome, but wants it to be me at the finish line."
Initially I was elated as his admission of feelings for me so plainly, as well as his actions at the party, validated what I had felt for so long. I reveled in it for a few days, however, I'm not so sure that much has changed. I still see us at an impasse, and wondering exactly how long it will take him to 'get to the finish line' where I'm standing waiting for him. This is a person who does not act carelessly when it comes to his emotions and feelings. I know he will not be rushed into anything, obviously, since it took 2 years to get to this point. And I am not stupid enough to attempt to change a person. I admire his conviction and respect his feelings, but I do not want to kid myself and wind up with a broken heart either.
He is leaving in a few days to visit family and will be gone for 10 days. We are tentatively set to meet for dinner before he leaves ,which if it happens, I will keep light and fun without any stress. I'm just concerned about how to proceed. We both have admitted that whatever this thing is that we have, we are definitely more than friends, but not yet lovers. There is an "us", however, we are struggling to get to a comfortable mutual point of what direction we are going in. We both know that we do not want to walk away from each other, and have no contact at all. So ....where to go from here???
TIA,
K
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