My husband at first seemed like my white knight, but about a year after our marriage his real self began to show. One day he is nice and polite and the next becomes a raging verbal abuser. My son and I have walked on eggshells around this man for 15 years. The more we tried to calm him the more violent his rages became until things almost got physical. He horrified me. He is a huge guy 6' 2" and nearly 300 pounds of pure muscle. At that point I found the courage to leave him, but he threatened to kill himself if I left and then promised to go to therapy. So he tricked me into staying and went to a few therapy sessions. That was almost 3 years ago, and in all fairness his huge rages have stopped. But now he has even more mood swings and is more cruel and spiteful, and now, three years later, I am having horrible health problems which I attribute to the stress of living with him and I am trapped with him at the house because I can't work anymore. The though t of having sex with him makes me want to vomit and i have lost all respect for him. He also really scares me because he says and does horrible things and then doesn't remember doing or saying them. I can tell that he is being truthful by the look in his eyes. He really doesn't remember. In public he is mr sunshine and kisses everyone else's butt. when at home he is a monster. Now here is the other side of the coin. He buys me anything I ask for, he doesn't cheat, he works his butt off to provide, and when he is in a nice mood he is the greatest guy ever. He even takes great care of me when I'm sick. His duality has ripped my heart and my nerves to shreds. I want to leave him, but he has me half convinced that I am the crazy one and I am also afraid he could really hurt or kill one of us if I leave. I'm almost too tired to fight him anymore. If I leave I will certainly face financial ruin and even homelessness. He has already proven that he will never leave the house so I wi ll have to be the one to go. I also prob won't be able to afford medical treatment if I leave as well. Have I waited too late to escape from this guy? We also live in a really small town where everyone will take his side. They are all totally fooled by his fake self. I feel like I am trapped in a hell cycle and don't know how to get out. Are all men this way? I need some really good advice. He has so many good qualities that I am always in a constant state of confusion about his bad qualities and can never settle on what I should do. I have finally accepted that he will never change since he can't be convinced that he does anything wrong, and I know I will never be happy with him, but I will lose my house, my health, and God only knows what else if I leave.....trapped....trapped....trapped.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment