I have been looking around and have seen some of the advise that has been given to others here and decided that maybe just maybe someone could offer some advise to me......
I have been married to mu husband for 16 years, we have 2 children one 15 and one 10. We both work full time, he works 3rd shift 10:30-7:00 I work 12 hour swing shifts bouncing back and forth every shift from 630am-630pm to 6300pm-630am. We both work rather demanding jobs mentally.
A little back ground on our marriage: We married less than a month after I graduated high school, he was in the military and had been when I met him, so our dating even though it was for almost 2 years was haphazard and different...almost 7 months of the 2 years he spent over seas. I became pregnant with out first child about 6 month after we were married and he was still active duty.
I was young and in love and I just knew that this was going to be great...I knew it wouldn't be perfect cause well no one is perfect but that no matter what we would work out anything that happened......
well fast forward to now.....
I am so unhappy that I don't know which way to turn. Things have just gotten to where all I think about is what it would be like to be alone with my kids.
For everything that the outside world sees I have the perfect life, 2 kids, nice house, the lil dog, good jobs...but they don't see what I deal with everyday, and a lot of people may call me petty for the issues that I have but I think what has happened is that over the years it has all built up inside me and I just cant take it any more and I have no idea where to turn anymore.
I feel like I have a room mate living with me, or a 3rd child... I can not for the life of me get him to help me out no matter how much I ask or beg or plead. I will work a 12 hour shift and come home and have to cook and clean and wash clothes and so on. while he sits and watches tv or plays video games.
I can wake up and night after working the night before and having to go in that same night and I get asked whats for dinner...when he is either off or wont go in until 1030.
Getting things done with him never happens..my Christmas lights never got put up because he promised me they would go up the day after thanksgiving and here we are the day after Christmas and they never made it out of the box.
But yet even though I do everything from the trash to the dishes and everything in between I still walk on egg shells in my house. Its constantly telling the kids, you have to keep it down so you don't upset daddy...be quiet, turn the tv down... I even have to be careful with cleaning because of the smell of cleaning supplies or the noise from dishes or the washing machine.
When I leave my house I get a million and a half questions and if I do get out by the time I leave I feel like crap because he either had made me feel so bad about leaving or made me so mad by the millions of questions that make me feel like a kid being tracked by a parent.
My social life sucks... I have very few friend and he has no problem straight up telling me that he hates my friends... I have tried to get him to do things with people he works with and he told me that he didn't need friends that he was perfectly fine all alone, but yet when I try to do things with my friends I get the third degree...try to get him to go with my friends and most of the time its no, so most of the time I turn down invites because i don't want the problems at home. If he decides he will go... he sits and sulks all night and makes the night bad for everyone.
He could care less to do things with the kids, he always has an excuse ... my heart broke this summer when I watched my son cry because all he wanted was his dad to go throw a ball with him and he wouldn't because it was too hot outside.
My daughter, well she has noticed problems, she even said to me one night in the kitchen that something was wrong with him because all he did was sit with his ear phones in watching movies on the computer.
The bad thing is, he will notice that things are going south and that I am unhappy and he will get better for a couple days maybe and then its back to the same things all over again.
I just don't know what to do, talking to him is like talking to a brick wall, it either bounces right off and he has no clue, or he tell me in crazy and that things are fine and I am just being too emotional or sensitive and walks away. The last time I tried to stand up for what I wanted that is what happened....he wouldn't talk to me, he just walked away to the living room and put in the dang ear buds.
It has gotten to the point that even our intimate relationship sucks. I don't want that anymore, I could care less at this point if he ever touched me again. But right now when he does its like I am a slab of meat. He gets what he wants and that's it...he gets his and its done and over with and it used to bother me, now I am just glad when its over.
It hurts so much to see what I had thought would be my life forever falling apart right in front of me. I never dreamed that I would be here ( but I guess no one does ) its hard and confusing and heart breaking specially when it gets to the point that you don't even want to go home because he is there or when he walks in the door your stomach automatically turns into knots. I find myself doing anything that I can to stay away from him when he is home...either cleaning or sleeping to stay out of the living room where he is. That is not how I wanted to be living its not what I need or want.
I know that this is not the best put together post, and for that I am very sorry. I just hope that someone out there can relate to me and maybe help me clear up all the mess in my head.
I have been married to mu husband for 16 years, we have 2 children one 15 and one 10. We both work full time, he works 3rd shift 10:30-7:00 I work 12 hour swing shifts bouncing back and forth every shift from 630am-630pm to 6300pm-630am. We both work rather demanding jobs mentally.
A little back ground on our marriage: We married less than a month after I graduated high school, he was in the military and had been when I met him, so our dating even though it was for almost 2 years was haphazard and different...almost 7 months of the 2 years he spent over seas. I became pregnant with out first child about 6 month after we were married and he was still active duty.
I was young and in love and I just knew that this was going to be great...I knew it wouldn't be perfect cause well no one is perfect but that no matter what we would work out anything that happened......
well fast forward to now.....
I am so unhappy that I don't know which way to turn. Things have just gotten to where all I think about is what it would be like to be alone with my kids.
For everything that the outside world sees I have the perfect life, 2 kids, nice house, the lil dog, good jobs...but they don't see what I deal with everyday, and a lot of people may call me petty for the issues that I have but I think what has happened is that over the years it has all built up inside me and I just cant take it any more and I have no idea where to turn anymore.
I feel like I have a room mate living with me, or a 3rd child... I can not for the life of me get him to help me out no matter how much I ask or beg or plead. I will work a 12 hour shift and come home and have to cook and clean and wash clothes and so on. while he sits and watches tv or plays video games.
I can wake up and night after working the night before and having to go in that same night and I get asked whats for dinner...when he is either off or wont go in until 1030.
Getting things done with him never happens..my Christmas lights never got put up because he promised me they would go up the day after thanksgiving and here we are the day after Christmas and they never made it out of the box.
But yet even though I do everything from the trash to the dishes and everything in between I still walk on egg shells in my house. Its constantly telling the kids, you have to keep it down so you don't upset daddy...be quiet, turn the tv down... I even have to be careful with cleaning because of the smell of cleaning supplies or the noise from dishes or the washing machine.
When I leave my house I get a million and a half questions and if I do get out by the time I leave I feel like crap because he either had made me feel so bad about leaving or made me so mad by the millions of questions that make me feel like a kid being tracked by a parent.
My social life sucks... I have very few friend and he has no problem straight up telling me that he hates my friends... I have tried to get him to do things with people he works with and he told me that he didn't need friends that he was perfectly fine all alone, but yet when I try to do things with my friends I get the third degree...try to get him to go with my friends and most of the time its no, so most of the time I turn down invites because i don't want the problems at home. If he decides he will go... he sits and sulks all night and makes the night bad for everyone.
He could care less to do things with the kids, he always has an excuse ... my heart broke this summer when I watched my son cry because all he wanted was his dad to go throw a ball with him and he wouldn't because it was too hot outside.
My daughter, well she has noticed problems, she even said to me one night in the kitchen that something was wrong with him because all he did was sit with his ear phones in watching movies on the computer.
The bad thing is, he will notice that things are going south and that I am unhappy and he will get better for a couple days maybe and then its back to the same things all over again.
I just don't know what to do, talking to him is like talking to a brick wall, it either bounces right off and he has no clue, or he tell me in crazy and that things are fine and I am just being too emotional or sensitive and walks away. The last time I tried to stand up for what I wanted that is what happened....he wouldn't talk to me, he just walked away to the living room and put in the dang ear buds.
It has gotten to the point that even our intimate relationship sucks. I don't want that anymore, I could care less at this point if he ever touched me again. But right now when he does its like I am a slab of meat. He gets what he wants and that's it...he gets his and its done and over with and it used to bother me, now I am just glad when its over.
It hurts so much to see what I had thought would be my life forever falling apart right in front of me. I never dreamed that I would be here ( but I guess no one does ) its hard and confusing and heart breaking specially when it gets to the point that you don't even want to go home because he is there or when he walks in the door your stomach automatically turns into knots. I find myself doing anything that I can to stay away from him when he is home...either cleaning or sleeping to stay out of the living room where he is. That is not how I wanted to be living its not what I need or want.
I know that this is not the best put together post, and for that I am very sorry. I just hope that someone out there can relate to me and maybe help me clear up all the mess in my head.
Put the internet to work for you.
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