This is a kind of weird situation, and I feel like I know the answer, but wanted to see if anyone had any insights. I work for a large company and I am 30 years old. An office about 3.5 hours drive away hired some people a couple of months ago, one of which was a 22 year old girl. Our offices work closely together and these new hires got assigned to work on some of the clients at my office. So they visited our office in July for two days. Anyway me and this girl got along very well, we had similar interests and had a great conversation at dinner that night.
So she left and went back to her city, and we hadn't talked a lot for a few weeks. I thought she was cool and very cute and everything, but she has a boyfriend who she lives with, and they have been together for over 2.5 years. Basically very very serious, probably on the brink of marriage.
So we work together on certain projects and we have this office IM communicator at work. A few weeks ago we started talking on this communicator and ever since, I talk to her constantly. We had an amazing "clicking" conversation one day, and I have never clicked with a girl like this one, we have very very similar interests and likes, including a few things that are very obscure that we both really enjoy. She basically laughs at almost everything I say and kind of flirts but I wouldn't say it is strong flirting (I think she just likes to talk a lot and is friendly). She will even IM me within just a few minutes of getting to work in the morning almost every day. IMO, this girl is perfect and I believe I have since perhaps fallen in love with her. I know it sounds ridiculous for someone you only meet once, but I feel an amazing connection and she is everything I've ever wanted in a mate. We also talk on the phone at work occasionally and the convo can go 45 minutes with very l ittle actual talking about work. We also e-mail back and forth fairly frequently during off work hours. She is extremely intelligent, basically got into Harvard, and did a double major at a top 20 university in 3 years. VERY BRIGHT. I am basically spending a good portion of every week day talking to her, and the rest of the time I can't get her out of my head. And it has caused me some very emotional distress as I am under the belief that this is probably a dead end and there is really no chance I would ever have her. I've had some very rough nights due to separation anxiety after leaving work after talking to her basically damn near all day.
I've definitely made many comments in e-mails/chats that make it pretty clear how I feel. I've sent like song lyrics that basically say I dream about her, and other little quotes about how I can't get her out of my head, etc. It HAS to be clear how I feel. Now, she does not reciprocate any similar feelings back to me, she just kind of takes them in stride. But it has not deterred her in any way from talking to me, and if anything, our conversation has intensified, despite her giving me no real hint that she would be interested. And never once has she said anything like "I have a boyfriend" or try to deter this type of language or make it clear there is no chance of anything outside of friends. She does mention him once in a while in conversation, but not like all the time like you might expect. Clearly a serious boyfriend of 2.5+ years is a major problem for me, and from what I know about this guy, I probably can't compete with him. I really have nothing on him.
I've brought up meeting up many many times since we are only a few hours apart. She has not shot down these attempts, and even makes it seem like she might. I get the feeling that she wants to hang out, but is either afraid or doesn't know how to do it considering the boyfriend. Today we talked about going and doing something very spontaneous/crazy in a couple of weeks that would actually involve leaving both our cities for more than one day to attend something that we both really enjoy. We're talking a several hundred mile trip. It was something we both said we wanted to do and I said "let's do it!". At the end of the day I told her to think about it, and that life is short and live with no regrets. She said she would think about it, which IMO, is a good sign, but she might just be saying that and is not really considering it. I don't really consider this trip a real possibility, but I do like the dream/fantasy of it.
This is so frustrating considering how much this girl means to me, and again, it's certainly ridiculous to be this attached after one meeting and just a few weeks of talking. Deep down I think I know that the answer is that this will amount to nothing, and that I am just a friend and someone to help keep her entertained during the work day, and that the fact that I am so far away means I am of little threat to anything, so who cares what he says. Deep down I know in my heart that there is probably little hope, and that this is a waste of time.
Let me know what you think. Dead end?
So she left and went back to her city, and we hadn't talked a lot for a few weeks. I thought she was cool and very cute and everything, but she has a boyfriend who she lives with, and they have been together for over 2.5 years. Basically very very serious, probably on the brink of marriage.
So we work together on certain projects and we have this office IM communicator at work. A few weeks ago we started talking on this communicator and ever since, I talk to her constantly. We had an amazing "clicking" conversation one day, and I have never clicked with a girl like this one, we have very very similar interests and likes, including a few things that are very obscure that we both really enjoy. She basically laughs at almost everything I say and kind of flirts but I wouldn't say it is strong flirting (I think she just likes to talk a lot and is friendly). She will even IM me within just a few minutes of getting to work in the morning almost every day. IMO, this girl is perfect and I believe I have since perhaps fallen in love with her. I know it sounds ridiculous for someone you only meet once, but I feel an amazing connection and she is everything I've ever wanted in a mate. We also talk on the phone at work occasionally and the convo can go 45 minutes with very l ittle actual talking about work. We also e-mail back and forth fairly frequently during off work hours. She is extremely intelligent, basically got into Harvard, and did a double major at a top 20 university in 3 years. VERY BRIGHT. I am basically spending a good portion of every week day talking to her, and the rest of the time I can't get her out of my head. And it has caused me some very emotional distress as I am under the belief that this is probably a dead end and there is really no chance I would ever have her. I've had some very rough nights due to separation anxiety after leaving work after talking to her basically damn near all day.
I've definitely made many comments in e-mails/chats that make it pretty clear how I feel. I've sent like song lyrics that basically say I dream about her, and other little quotes about how I can't get her out of my head, etc. It HAS to be clear how I feel. Now, she does not reciprocate any similar feelings back to me, she just kind of takes them in stride. But it has not deterred her in any way from talking to me, and if anything, our conversation has intensified, despite her giving me no real hint that she would be interested. And never once has she said anything like "I have a boyfriend" or try to deter this type of language or make it clear there is no chance of anything outside of friends. She does mention him once in a while in conversation, but not like all the time like you might expect. Clearly a serious boyfriend of 2.5+ years is a major problem for me, and from what I know about this guy, I probably can't compete with him. I really have nothing on him.
I've brought up meeting up many many times since we are only a few hours apart. She has not shot down these attempts, and even makes it seem like she might. I get the feeling that she wants to hang out, but is either afraid or doesn't know how to do it considering the boyfriend. Today we talked about going and doing something very spontaneous/crazy in a couple of weeks that would actually involve leaving both our cities for more than one day to attend something that we both really enjoy. We're talking a several hundred mile trip. It was something we both said we wanted to do and I said "let's do it!". At the end of the day I told her to think about it, and that life is short and live with no regrets. She said she would think about it, which IMO, is a good sign, but she might just be saying that and is not really considering it. I don't really consider this trip a real possibility, but I do like the dream/fantasy of it.
This is so frustrating considering how much this girl means to me, and again, it's certainly ridiculous to be this attached after one meeting and just a few weeks of talking. Deep down I think I know that the answer is that this will amount to nothing, and that I am just a friend and someone to help keep her entertained during the work day, and that the fact that I am so far away means I am of little threat to anything, so who cares what he says. Deep down I know in my heart that there is probably little hope, and that this is a waste of time.
Let me know what you think. Dead end?
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