Hi everyone. I'm new to this site and SO thankful I found it... So here it goes...
My husband and I are high school sweethearts, together for 11 years and married for 6. So, he is 28 and I'm almost 28.
In 2009, my husband told me he wasn't feeling like he used to and wasn't happy. It was because I was kind of lazy in the fact that I didn't clean much, he did most of it. He said I was defensive and I yelled. I do admit, I was all those things, but that's who I've always been. He said that he thought it would change once we got married. So he stopped wearing his wedding ring and basically just wanted to live in our own rooms and what not. I decided to love out and live with my dad. I lived with my dad for a little over a month and then my husband told me he thought about everything and he wanted to work on things and have me move back, so I did. And everything was sooo good. We hardly ever argued and it was just always wonderful. Now let me say, my husband and I are best friends. We play sports together, always allow one another to do their own things, hang out with other couples, enjoy cooking together, all these things... We never told each other we couldn't do something if the other wanted to. We are/were that couple that everyone hated cause they were jealous, or so they told us.
I also want to say that we grew up very differently. He was beaten as a kid, his dad was a marine and he got blamed for the failure of his parents divorce. I grew up in a very loving, close knit family.
I got better with my yelling, cleaning and not being so defensive. Sometimes I was still lazy but not much.
So, back in July 2013 I got laid off from my job but got a severance to last about 4 months, and have been looking for a job since. Then it was our anniversary in September and he surprised me with roses and a card and it said how much he loved me and couldn't wait to spend all the future years together....
Then, on Oct 9th, he told me he felt like he did before and was pretty much done. He said he felt this way back in July but didn't want to tell me until I got a new job because he knew how stressed I was. So, I didn't understand and asked him why he gave me that card a month to him prior to telling me he wants a divorce and he said it was because he didn't want me to know how he was feeling.
So, he took his ring off, and now he stays at a buddies place a few times a week and when we are home together he civilly talk and then he goes into the extra room and I sleep in our room, and we barely talk. He says he is just done and doesn't think he's making a mistake, he says he loves me more than I know but can't get past how he felt. He absolutely will not go to counseling as he doesn't believe in it, so it's like he's just done. He told me he's only been happy half of the marriage, he keeps most of his feelings bottled up.
I do NOT want a divorce as I don't think you should just quit but I can't make him want to stay...and I just feel so lost and don't know what to do. Do I just let him go? I want him and myself to be happy, so do I just let it go? Any help is appreciated.
Thanks
My husband and I are high school sweethearts, together for 11 years and married for 6. So, he is 28 and I'm almost 28.
In 2009, my husband told me he wasn't feeling like he used to and wasn't happy. It was because I was kind of lazy in the fact that I didn't clean much, he did most of it. He said I was defensive and I yelled. I do admit, I was all those things, but that's who I've always been. He said that he thought it would change once we got married. So he stopped wearing his wedding ring and basically just wanted to live in our own rooms and what not. I decided to love out and live with my dad. I lived with my dad for a little over a month and then my husband told me he thought about everything and he wanted to work on things and have me move back, so I did. And everything was sooo good. We hardly ever argued and it was just always wonderful. Now let me say, my husband and I are best friends. We play sports together, always allow one another to do their own things, hang out with other couples, enjoy cooking together, all these things... We never told each other we couldn't do something if the other wanted to. We are/were that couple that everyone hated cause they were jealous, or so they told us.
I also want to say that we grew up very differently. He was beaten as a kid, his dad was a marine and he got blamed for the failure of his parents divorce. I grew up in a very loving, close knit family.
I got better with my yelling, cleaning and not being so defensive. Sometimes I was still lazy but not much.
So, back in July 2013 I got laid off from my job but got a severance to last about 4 months, and have been looking for a job since. Then it was our anniversary in September and he surprised me with roses and a card and it said how much he loved me and couldn't wait to spend all the future years together....
Then, on Oct 9th, he told me he felt like he did before and was pretty much done. He said he felt this way back in July but didn't want to tell me until I got a new job because he knew how stressed I was. So, I didn't understand and asked him why he gave me that card a month to him prior to telling me he wants a divorce and he said it was because he didn't want me to know how he was feeling.
So, he took his ring off, and now he stays at a buddies place a few times a week and when we are home together he civilly talk and then he goes into the extra room and I sleep in our room, and we barely talk. He says he is just done and doesn't think he's making a mistake, he says he loves me more than I know but can't get past how he felt. He absolutely will not go to counseling as he doesn't believe in it, so it's like he's just done. He told me he's only been happy half of the marriage, he keeps most of his feelings bottled up.
I do NOT want a divorce as I don't think you should just quit but I can't make him want to stay...and I just feel so lost and don't know what to do. Do I just let him go? I want him and myself to be happy, so do I just let it go? Any help is appreciated.
Thanks
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