My husband and I have been married a little over 6 years, and we dated for two years before we got married. For the past year we have been in marriage counseling because well, …we basically stopped having sex. I tried to talk to him about it and the more I tried to talk to him the more closed up be seemed to become. He would get so upset that we decided that we needed someone to help us talk about what was going on between us. I tried to be the initiator because I understand that my husband is the shy reserved type. I think the turning point for me was during one incident in which I initiated, we were right in the middle of sex, he stopped, just stopped and said he was not feeling anything. That was not the case for me, my body was excited and on the verge…..and my husband just stopped.
He say s he is finding it harder and harder to keep an erection, and when I and the therapist suggested medication, he said he had been taking it. (I thought to myself….when? Because we hadn't had sex) As I said we went to counseling and she assigned us different exercises to try. She tried to address the fact that he does not seem to initiate sex with me. We did all of the exercises, sensate focus techniques, and even brought some porn videos, in addition to meeting with her faithfully every week. We had our last counseling session in June we had sex two times before that between January and May 2013. We have not had sex since then.
I have asked my husband does he love me, and he says yes. I have asked him does he want to be married, or maybe he just does not care for me in that way even though he says he loves me. I have even asked him if he wants to leave, he say no, and starts crying.
I am at a loss because I love my husband, but I want my husband to want me and to initiate having sex with me. Yes I can do the initiating, but I am a little gun shy now because he has stopped while we were being intimate more than once, and I don't know if any of you have every experienced that but it is like having a bucket of ice water thrown on you after you come out of a sauna. It is traumatizing, and I feel my self-esteem has taken a severe hit because of it.
I am hoping by writing this out that I can get some feedback on how to work through this with my husband. I am not interested in leaving him; I am not interested in cheating on him. I am interested in working on this and having the wonderful marriage I know we can have. I am 51 and he is 63, and it is the third marriage for both of us. Our children are grown, and we have a wonderful home, two car garages and a dog. I like my life, but I just want to feel the loved by my husband. Please feel free to ask me questions the more I talk about this the better, and I know I have left a lot out. I found this site a few days ago, and the brief things I read about others going through similar problems has helped me feel a little less alone in all of this.
This is not something I want to share with family members because I don't want them treating him or me like we have some terminal illness. I am looking forward to hearing from all of you.
He say s he is finding it harder and harder to keep an erection, and when I and the therapist suggested medication, he said he had been taking it. (I thought to myself….when? Because we hadn't had sex) As I said we went to counseling and she assigned us different exercises to try. She tried to address the fact that he does not seem to initiate sex with me. We did all of the exercises, sensate focus techniques, and even brought some porn videos, in addition to meeting with her faithfully every week. We had our last counseling session in June we had sex two times before that between January and May 2013. We have not had sex since then.
I have asked my husband does he love me, and he says yes. I have asked him does he want to be married, or maybe he just does not care for me in that way even though he says he loves me. I have even asked him if he wants to leave, he say no, and starts crying.
I am at a loss because I love my husband, but I want my husband to want me and to initiate having sex with me. Yes I can do the initiating, but I am a little gun shy now because he has stopped while we were being intimate more than once, and I don't know if any of you have every experienced that but it is like having a bucket of ice water thrown on you after you come out of a sauna. It is traumatizing, and I feel my self-esteem has taken a severe hit because of it.
I am hoping by writing this out that I can get some feedback on how to work through this with my husband. I am not interested in leaving him; I am not interested in cheating on him. I am interested in working on this and having the wonderful marriage I know we can have. I am 51 and he is 63, and it is the third marriage for both of us. Our children are grown, and we have a wonderful home, two car garages and a dog. I like my life, but I just want to feel the loved by my husband. Please feel free to ask me questions the more I talk about this the better, and I know I have left a lot out. I found this site a few days ago, and the brief things I read about others going through similar problems has helped me feel a little less alone in all of this.
This is not something I want to share with family members because I don't want them treating him or me like we have some terminal illness. I am looking forward to hearing from all of you.
Put the internet to work for you.
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