| Among all the problems me and my husband have, is the fact that neither of us feel comfortable about what is fair when it comes to splitting the house chores and work. I'm a stay at home mom who takes care of everything in the house and the kids and he works 20 hours per week to take care of most bills... and this is how it goes: His 50%: Work a job for 20 hours per week without doing mental of physical effort and being able to pass the time playing on the Nintendo DS or reading Comic Books. Pay the rent and most of the bills. Do 1 load of his laundry per week. Drive us to Walmart or other Grocery Store once a week. *We don't spend $ on food, unless we eat from a restaurant, which I always pay. We don't have medical expenses We don't have cel phone expenses* My 50%: Cook, clean, wash dishes (by hand), dust, vacuum, do the laundry, bathrooms, windows, take out garbage, organize and pick up after everyone. My daughter is solely my responsibility. Our 10 month old baby is also my responsibility: Feed him, change him, bathe him, put him to sleep, taking care of him when he wakes up every 30 minutes (he is a terrible sleeper). Provide his diapers, clothes and toys. My free time I mostly spend completing online surveys to generate some dollars to be able to pay an extra for the electricity bill, so the air conditioner can stay on set in 80 degrees at least, in the scorching summer Florida weather and also half the phone/internet bill. I also have to buy whatever is not edible: soap, shampoo, cleaners, toothpaste, paper towels, shaving cream, toilet paper, dish liquid, deodorant, etc. He tells me he doesn't have to help around the house or spend any money on our baby because he provides the most important thing, which is the roof above our heads. His huge amount of free time is divided between the laptop, the Nintendo DS and the PS3. I have talked to him forever about taking time off his activities and spending more family time and acting more responsible about lots of things but the only thing he seems to care more than games or at least equal is sex. Other than that, he doesn't care about anything around him. He's never given our baby a bath, or change his clothes. He hasn't wash the car in more than 2 years. I haven't been able to sit in the front seat since the baby was born, at first because the baby was too young, but later because he uses that space as a garbage disposal and is full of empty snack bags and cups, and water bottles, junk mail, etc. Not even having roaches in the trunk motivates him to do something about it. I use to do his laundry but once we had a fight and he asked me not to touch his clothes ever again, so there has been a huge pile of dirty clothes in the closet floor for about a year, and he just washes his uniform or a couple of pants and t-shirts for the week, each week or so. He is the kind of person that wherever he goes he has to disorganize or make a mess, by moving things of his way, or leaving stuff around, letting food fall out the plate to the floor and not picking up, leaving dirty dishes around, splashing water of the sink, taking his clothes off and leaving them on the floor and I could go on forever... and whenever I try to talk to him he would say I am offending him!!! Then he starts insulting me or my family (whom he hasn't even met since they live in another country), screaming, and it all ends really bad. And he complains about not getting enough sex while I have to chase him around and ask him for days to take me to the grocery store to buy food, since he is always "busy" or "doesn't feel like it" or is "tired" and only when there is absolutely nothing to eat, he would do it. Then there is the argument about him not wanting to get out of the car and I would have to shop alone with the baby while he stays playing in the car or because he doesn't want to push the grocery cart when I have to hold the baby! There is also the mother in law issue, where I have to put up with his mother's bad manners and annoying behavior and does nothing but defend her while belittling not only the problem, but me and my whole family, because If I complain is because I think my family is better than his... This lady means well in general, but on the other hand, she comes whenever she wants without calling or anything, doesn't knock but barges in, enters my bedroom like is her house or starts yelling around like we're in a field. He ignores her so I have to pay attention to her while she complains about how fat her son is getting and what an ugly belly he has, how fat I'm getting, that there's never food for her here... if I do offer her something to eat she would tell me she doesn't cook it like that, or that it isn't a meal but a snack, or that the soda is trash and she doesn't drink that, then the day you get her her soda she tells you she doesn't want it. There is some mail that we get at her house and she brings it OPEN! On my wedding's day, she sat by my side and started laughing making jokes about me having a small chest! That was the most embarrassing day of my life!. (2 days after, my husband was taking off his wedding band and insulting me for feeling offended and being mad at him for doing absolutely NOTHING). Another day she told my daughter that Santa Claus didn't exist and other time she started telling me about her dog being HORNY and wanting to "F..." something. Right in front of my then 10 year old daughter!... So her behavior is totally inappropriate and yet it seems I'm disrespecting them if I get offended or ask for something to be done about it. I just want someone to tell me if I am so wrong for wanting a little help around the house or some family time or more attention and responsibilities for our baby, who is not only mine but 50% his! We have plenty... PLENTY of issues to resolve and a lot I need to get off my chest and hear point of views and advice from different people... but right now I would appreciate very much your opinions on this matter. Thanks in advance! | |||
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