| I'm going to try to make this easy to read. My H is in the military. We've known each other since 2000 and have been married since July 2005 after dating (while he was deployed to Afghanistan) for about 1 year. Here's the timeline of the things I know about and how I found out about them. 2004-2005--While in Afg, he joined a dating website and used pornography. The pornography, at this point, is not the problem because we had never discussed it. However, I was using his laptop after we were married and Xrated pop ups kept popping up. I start digging through the history and find that he had joined a dating website. I confronted him, hysterical of course, and he denied it. He said it was his friend's who borrowed his computer. He finally admitted it in the end. For the porn, I told him how it made me feel unattractive and insecure and I couldn't live with that in our marriage. He agreed that porn was not important and had no place in our marriage and it was a deal breaker for me. October 2005- On a trip out of state, after we had gotten off the phone so he could go to bed he butt dials me while he's in a club long after we got off the phone. I call him back a few times and he finally answers the phone and tries to lie to me saying he was asleep with his tv up and he must have rolled over on his phone and called me. I was LIVID. He finally, in the end, admitted what he was doing. We had a discussion how married men don't go out and drink with their single buddies. Just like he wouldn't want me to do that. April 2006- I just found out about this from him. He was out of state again and went to yet another bar and this time he took his wedding ring off and put it in his pocket to "see if someone would talk to him." He lost his ring. He had always told me he lost it in the ocean. September 2007- I just found out about this from him. He was in Asia with his buddies and was in a "drinky" bar. He bought a prostitute and had sex with her in hotel. This was about a month before he came home to me and he said he got checked for STDs even though he used a condom. Sept-Dec 2009- While I was in another state helping with a injured family member, he was home alone. During this time, he was looking at porn again. I found it about 6 months later and confronted him. He again lied and denied it but eventually, when I showed him that I had proof, he admitted it. We had yet another heart to heart about how I would leave his sorry ass over this. March 2012- He's out of state (we're now living in a foreign country) and uses porn again. This time, he tells me about it. I didn't have to find it. Another big upset. Again, me blowing hot air about how I'm not going to put up with this blatant lack of regard and respect for myself and our marriage. October 2012- I find that he's erased his history and cookies off his iPod and ask him why. He comes clean that he thought about it and after he pulled up youp***, that he stopped and didn't go through with it. But he tried to CYA. August 2013- He's in Asia for work for 2 weeks and I find some cookies from youp*** again on his computer after he comes home (he's either really sloppy or just doesn't care because he knows I look) and instead of flying off the handle and confronting him. I just tell him that I am done and he needs to come clean. He tells me that he looked at porn twice in this two week period. Now, here is the kicker: After he tells me about the latest porn in Asia, he then drops the bomb on me about the real story on the lost wedding ring, the prostitute, and that he continued to go into bars AND drinky bars even after all our discussions and fights. This man has lied to me and deceived me our whole marriage. At first, I flew into a rage and put holes in the wall from throwing things. I am so relieved my 17-year-old daughter did not come upstairs because it was ugly. Then, I went through bouts of hysterical bonding laced with anger and disgusts. I thought I was crazy for wanting sex with him but I looked it up and I was so relieved that I wasn't the only one. I put a stop to that yesterday. I am not having sex with him until...maybe never, I don't know yet. I feel stuck. We live in a foreign country and besides the paperwork to get my daughter, our belongings and our pets back to the states; my daughter is in her senior year and I am in my last year of college. I have no job, no savings, no where to go really and I don't want to destroy my daughter's senior year over this. He seems remorseful. He says that he told his job what was going on and they put him in a job where he would not have to travel. He has an appt wednesday with Mental health. He says he thinks he has some measure of PTSD but that is not an excuse to be a lying, cheating, you-know-what for our entire marriage. I am tired of the "it will never happen again, I love you" and the empty promises. I always asked him when his porn use was discovered again if he had anything else to tell me the truth about. It doesn't even make sense to me to give him another chance. Four chances after he knew porn was destroying me? I am just fed up because there aren't any consequences for him. I get mad and yell and cry and tell him how it makes me feel and he promises to change and nothing changes. Not only does nothing change, but he's been deceiving me and lying to me our whole marriage about stuff that I had no idea. THoughts, opinions? | |||
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