| My husband and I started dating 5 years ago. It was great...and we got engaged on our 1yr anniversary of meeting and dating. I had been a single mother with 2 children for over three years, owned my own home, paid for my own vehicle and did really good for myself & my children. I sold my house and everything in it (minus some decorating items, personal clothing & special things, and my childrens furniture & toys etc.) put in my 2 week notice at my job of over 8 years as a banker to move about an hour away and in with him. When we first got together, both of his daughters had always lived with their mother (7 hrs away), but after many years and finally being caught for her horrible ways, his daughters had to live with another family member for a while. When I moved in with him, I drove 7hrs away to pack his youngest daughters things and move her in with us. In the meantime, my son (oldest child of mine) completely broke my heart by telling me that he wanted to move in with his dad :( That is a totally different story...Anyhow, it was my now husband, his daughter (age 12), my daughter (age 4-5) and I. The first year was quite disappointing at times....realizing that it was not BLISS. His daughter had a terrible time with mine and vice versa. I have always made my children respect him and they know he is involved with all of the decision making. We just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary and I am terribly sad to report that not many things have changed. I try my best to discepline my children (even though I am not good at it) but he does not discepline his AT ALL!! His daughters get anything they want (even has a credit card to our charge account) and she does absolutely NOTHING!! Everything is handed over to his girls on a golden platter, while I make mine clean the bathroom for skating rink/movie theatre money or do something to "earn" it. His daughter is never made to do anything. She is now going to be 17 this month and she still does absolutely nothing. Most of the time when I get off work, she is already sleeping, reading or just laying on her backside. I work a full time job and my husband is gone working for sometimes 5 days at a time. He has been taking away 3/4 of my monthly pay because I have an "allowance". He has gone through my personal bank statements with a highlighter to calculate how much money I spent "eating out". He has been very controlling and anytime we get into an argument, he takes something away. My phone, shuts of credit cards, he even turned my debit card off to my own personal banking account.....at the bank in which I am employed!! But he continuously hands over money to his girls. I recently found out that he was "keeping track" of how many times I cooked this summer....even though the kids were practically never home and we had no routine...I was spending every single evening and weekends working in the yard...to the point that I have carple tunnel in my wrist! (in other words, I was NOT laying on my backside, I was working my butt off on OUR yard) But it still didn't matter. He complains about my children all the time but I don't dare utter a negative word about one of "his girls". They are the allmighty offspring of "him" and do no wrong!! My daughter is now 10 and has it all figured out!! She makes comments to me about how her and my step-daughter are treated differently. I will get onto my daughter for leaving her bowl at the table from breakfast....yet not say a word to his daughter, just pick it up and save my breath/argument. My daughter is totally seeing how unfair it is and even though everyone has to learn that life is unfair....it makes me so so very sad. He lies to me about how much money he gives them and many other things. I recently caught him in a very big lie and it hurt my feelings terribly. We got into a fight about it and he got physical with me. I just do not know what to do anymore. I know that I am not a priority to him. I come 2nd or 3rd. I had hoped that in time, it would get better, but it has not. His daughters are his #1 and I don't know what to do. He only notices me and my children's flaws, not his. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. |
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