| So this is my first post on here, but I have been reading it since all hell broke loose trying to stay of sound mind. Here is the back story: The wife and I have been married for 13 years, and have 3 kids. She is a stay at home mom, and I am a 9-5 kinda guy. I work closely with many people and one of my employees became an extremely close friend, my best friend. He and his wife would spend 4-6 days a month with us going out and having a great time. I would fish and hunt with him 3 days a week every week. So here goes the rest of the story. About 2 years ago we were my wife started a nightime job at a local bar for extra spending money. I noticed a personality change that went along with an anti-depressant change at the same time. Her Dr. recommend she go on ZOLOFT. She became withdrawn from me, and started drinking fairly regularly...which was very much out of the norm for her. She spent lots of time at the bar, and would stay late to have a couple of "wind down" drinks with the other employees. This bothered me as it's not my first rodeo and I know how things can get out of hand. I never really said much to her about it other than it would be nice to have her come home after her shift. As time went on things got worse and worse, until one day she mentioned that she really thought we should explore having sex with other people. I freaked out and was in disbelief about this question, she couldnt believe how upset I was. This set off my radar pretty hard and I started tracking and keeping a closer eye on stuff. I then noticed many searches on divorce, spousal maintenance(this pissed me off), and being "releived" once you finally make the decision to divorce your husband. It went as far as making contact with an attorney. Her friends even started asking me what was going on and what she was up to. Some even took it as far as to confront her about being very not herself. (this lady used to work at a church running the musical program, was heavily involved in 4H, and was about as wholesome as the day is long). Fast forward a few days and we were having drinks with our friends (the couple/employee that we/I spend a lot of time with) and we got pretty drunk. We decided to hop in the hot tub and continue to drink. as timing would have it I went in to get a drink when the wife of my friend was in the bathroom. When she made it out to the hot tub I heard a scream and all hell broke loose. She caught them in fully gallop in the hot tub. So obviously things came to a screeching halt and everybody freaked out. My so called friend literally ran away down the road, his wife was a puddle in my living room, and my wife was in pure shock that this had happened. I told myself(even though I was drunk) that I would never do anything I would regret in this situation...I always wanted to be the one that did not over react and remained calm. I am a very physical person, and I am no stranger to a good fist fight. I really wanted to kill this guy...I wanted to strangle him, and before he ran a way he did man up, square up, put his arms at his side and said for me to swing away. I did not. I just told him to get the **** out of my house. As the night went on I ended up finding my so called friend in the woods and took him and his wife home. We all talked about it and I really had a hard time. When we talked I made it extremely clear that this had to be very secret as if it came out I would dismiss him from his job. As the days went by my wife said she wanted a divorce and she couldnt be married to me any more. Strangely I fought for her to re consider. I still cannot believe I fought after she betrayed me, but I did, and it felt right. We decided to try for 4 weeks and see where things went. She immediately(against dr. orders) ceased the ZOLOFT and resumed her other anti depression medication that she felt she tolerated well. She agreed to quit her job at the bar and just focus on the family life. I had to leave on a trip about 2 weeks after the incident, and my tracking software kicked out a message to a guy she worked with asking if they wanted to "get together for a drink" She said in there that he "might be wondering why she is asking, and its because my husband is out of town for a week, he he he...) This read to me as an open invitation to trouble. I was pissed and extremely hurt. This was a huge set back for me and trusting her. I called her immediately and asked what the hell was going on. She acknowledged it only after I specifically called her out on it. She said she would not do anything...and I beleive she didnt. She deleted him off her facebook friends list and etc. We spent time reflecting on what we can and need to change and things did get better. She told me she wanted a divorce at first because she felt neglected and unwanted, un important. Then after the incident she said she wanted a divorce because of how remorseful she was and that she could never forgive herself. ( I believe her on both accounts) As time went on I fell into a depression for 3-6 months and was full of self pity, I am beyond that and accepting of the situation. As couples we are no longer friends with the other couple, we can talk civily and be together but it is distant and cold. I am very okay with that. I struggle at work because I must see the OM every day. I very much want to fire him, and at least beat him down almost every day. I have felt this way for 2 years, I may never be able to let it go. Right now my wife and my relationship seems strong, she is supportive and caring. I am the same, however, the fact that she strayed is still very much in the back of my head. Every time we have sex I think about it. I hate that I have these memories and feelings. I wonder, will they ever fade? Is there anything I can do to help? | |||
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