How to cope with trigger on anniversary

Our anniversary is Friday. We've been married over 30 years (yikes). His OW was the woman who introduced us many years ago when we were all young. (She cheated on her nice husband early on in their marriage before her h died, then she cheated with my h. ) How do I go out to dinner and celebrate??? The A ended 4 years ago and I'm supposed to be over it and making new memories according to h. I feel like crying when I think of how we first met, there is such a blight on everything. Sometimes I wish I were dead.

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