| Hello all, In two days our child together will be a year old. He was a birth control "oops" baby, but he's been a blessing in so many ways. My partner and I celebrated three years together in early May, but though we've built a good life together he's reluctant to get married. I would like to, both for us (I think we work really well together, we're good at communication and problem solving, we work with each other rather than against, and well... let's face it; the sex is great.) and for our son and his sense of stability as he grows up. Also we're starting to build a financial future together and I'd like for us to be able to mutually protect those assets in the eventuality that one of us or both of us dies for the one(s) left behind. Some background: He's not being completely insensible about not wanting to get married. When he and I met, he was (getting ready for people to jump down my throat) in a marriage that had for all intents and purposes been over for a good long time. They were still living together in strictly a roommate sense (separate bedrooms, no longer engaging in sex, no more emotional intimacy, etc), and any remains of the marriage were long over due to losing their two children. But that's another story, and no excuse. Suffice it to say, he was stuck and desperate for a way out of a painful marriage and situation and we did things in a timeline that was not appropriate. NC, as do most states, requires a year of separation before a divorce can take place. SO informs soon to be ex of the new situation. Soon to be ex moves back to NY to live with parents as she can't hold down a job and has no way to support herself. Year passes, SO files for absolute uncontested divorce as they had no assets to divide and kids are long since gone, she doesn't bother to respond to the paperwork she receives, it goes through without a hitch. Around the time the divorce is finalized, SO and I find out that I'm pregnant. Oops, but what can you do? I'm currently attending college, and this is a definite cog in the wheel, we talk about it, consider putting baby up for adoption. After going to visit SO's father over my Easter break, we decide with the support of our families that we want to go ahead and keep baby. Flash forward - About three months ago, SO told me that he wanted to marry me "someday" and, really this has been going on for some time. But I understand that divorce is a difficult thing, even when it goes as smoothly as his did. So I'm trying to be patient and let him call the shots, but when he consistently says "someday" it makes me think he's either A) not really committed to the idea and saying this because it's what I want to hear, or B) Is just incredibly indecisive. Bottom line is I don't think this is a problem with him. He should be allowed to work through his previous marriage, losing kids and divorce on his own time; and we jumped into the wagon very quickly, too quickly. I know that he's committed to me and this relationship, and I know without a doubt that he isn't going to cheat on me. He's a very honest person. When he and I met he told his ex about it, even though she wasn't happy about it. Logically I know that if we wanted to protect our slowly growing financial assets, all we need to do is go to a lawyer and have some paperwork drawn up putting our assets in our son's hands should something happen to either of us. I also know that there's a lot more to a relationship than a slip of legally tendered paper. Still, marriage is something that I want with this man, and as I don't really know if this is a patience thing or a "never actually going to happen" thing, I want to make my peace with being his wife without the title . If anyone has any (gentle!) input, I would very much appreciate it. | |||
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