Is he abusive or am I wrong?

Hi y'all. I am in my second marriage with a blended family. My oldest daughter from first marriage is 10 and I have a 5 year old and 3 year old son from this marriage. I married very quickly the second time around and my husband changed after the birth of our second son. He makes a big distinction between my older daughter and our younger boys. Not overtly to her, but behind the scenes like a mosquito in my ear. For example, we went to the circus. They had a long break between the first half and second half of show. My daughter wanted to stay for the whole thing and my 5 year old was lied to saying it was over and my baby was sleeping. He wanted to go, I initially didn't move, then he was such a baby we ended up leaving. I still feel guilty, we never do anything with kids like that. Recently there was an awards going-away at my daughter's school. I hired a sitter for my little ones. They had a program with songs etc. My husband wanted to leave as soon as she got her award. There was maybe 20 minutes left and I wanted to see her friends get theres. I wanted to stay for the tea after. I did put my foot down, our babies were with a trusted sitter and it was my daughter's moment. As soon as he realized I wasn't going anywhere, he became loud and obnoxious, making loud rude comments. It was like he was trying to embarass me in to leaving by being a jerk. My daughter went to play date with her friend after the awards so when we drove home alone my husband yelled at me. He said that I am selfish. I only think of my girl and don't care about our little ones. He says that I should just leave with her and leave him his boys as I always push things to the extreme limit. He brought up the circus from a month ago as to how I never have respect for his feelings etc. I felt that my older daughter deserved our attention. We hired a sitter for the young ones as it would be a long boring evening for them. As it was, we were home 45 minutes earlier than we told our sitter, so I don't see where I pushed the limit. Was I wrong and thougthless? The evening and tea took approximately 2 1/2 hours total. I am getting silent treatment and it has been almost a week.

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