| I decided to write my wife a letter this morning that I actually want to send to her. I would most certainly appreciate any critiquing, as I don't want to do this wrong. Please advise... Here is my story...http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-mar...ed-me-off.html If you don't have time to read through all of it, here is the cliff note's version... I was in what I considered to be a sexless marriage for 13 years. I tried counseling, 180 (I didn't do so well) and every other angle to my avail. We both read His Needs, Hers Needs, The Five Love Languages and there would be short lived results. I also read NMMNG & MMSL. The more I described my situation, the more it was apparent my wife may have BPD. I certainly show signs of codependency and have been working to correct my bad/failing behaviors and actions. She has finally come to terms that we are not a good match, as we negatively feed off of each other. She raged and battered me because she couldn't sleep due to all of the things put on her plate. She attributes it all on the hormone treatments, all while forgetting the other rage fests in the past when she was not taking any medications. I don't feel safe with her any longer. We both acknowledge we must part ways. Thanks in advance... Mrs. IndyTMI, First and foremost...I do still love you very much. You know this to be fact, whether you currently want to acknowledge it or not. I know we are both hurting by what has been transpiring in our lives as of recent. I so wanted to fix what I thought was broken in our relationship. I so desperately wanted to see you happy. I wanted to be the perfect husband, but we both know that is impossible for anyone to achieve. No single human has achieved perfection...it is an impossible task. We both have inner-demons that affect our lives beyond what we can consciously control. I hurt by the facts of our reality. This wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Neither one of us sought after this outcome. This **** isn't fair to either one of us. Neither one of us are victims in this situation. We are both survivors in our own way. Don't they say that what doesn't break you makes you stronger? You have overcome so much in your life, you don't realize how strong you actually are. I see it...that is one of the things that drew me towards you in the beginning, was your self confidence in the way you carried out your daily l ife. Your snarky, witty sarcasm always kept me on edge during our first few years...I admired and respected you because you had a level of confidence in which I did not have..I call it being brave. You would say what was on your mind, even if it could possibly come back at you negatively. Your boldness attracted me to you, as I had little of my own. I don't want to finger point any longer. I have loved you from the very start and we have built up such a strong friendship together, I don't want to fracture what we do have left. I want you to know that I am not abandoning you. I am right here for you...to support you in what ways I can. I don't want you to curl up into a corner and shut the rest of the world out...you deserve better than that for yourself. If you allow others to come into your world, there will always be a shoulder to rest your head on. Please don't push this away. The belly dance lessons as well as your Pilates class are very important and they have certainly help build your self confidence and helped soothe your mind and body. Don't worry about not being able to afford these...they will be covered...rest assure. The same goes for counseling, if you so choose to continue to work on your weaknesses and face your demons. I know I am going to continue counseling for myself...as you know, I have issues that I am not sure I can change on my own. If I don't address them, I will remain broken forever. Life is too short to not appreciate the good things in Life. I am so proud with how we raised your son. He is such an awesome young man. I love him with all my heart as if he were my own. Not too many step-fathers can do that...I know I am special in that way. I appreciate him, so very much. I know you said you didn't necessarily want to live in Indy any longer. I really don't know what you are planning, but I want you to know that I just can't turn my back on you and walk away from you so coldly. You must know by now that I genuinely have your welfare as my concern and responsibility. I understand the harsh reality of Indiana's court system as it pertains to divorce. We really have nothing to dispute over, as I am willing to forgo nearly everything and will most certainly store anything you wanted to keep that you couldn't find space for at your new place you find. I voluntarily want to provide you with support, as I know it will be difficult to make do with just what income you can earn. You will be provided for, so long as you also make effort to do well for yourself. Mrs. IndyTMI, please don't push me away with what I am offering...this is one way I can continue satisfying one of my weaknesses in a healthy manner...you will mos t certainly gain benefit from it while not being smothered by the rest of me. Sincerely, IndyTMI I already see a few things to correct/edit/omit...what is in red will be removed. I realize how codependent I must sound from this letter. | |||
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