Crossroad between R and D street

I am glad to found this website. I wish this existed 10 years ago when I went through my first D while my daughter was 4 at the time. I pretty much went through on my own with a few family members that know about. I also went to IC but IMO I found that IC won't work unless both party willing to work save the marriage. It was hard but I made it out alive. My daughter is doing well in school. She has issue with the divorce her mom. My parents are also divorced. When I was younger I asked myself why my parents aren't together. Look at the other family they seemed happy. Anyhow it was just me and her for about four years. A single dad while my ex discovers herself. She live with me full time. We moved from apartment to the 3 br. house. Life was good. Then I start dating again. In December 2006, I met my 2nd wife from on line dating but we didn't marry until a few years later. Things just took off I was at her house most of the time in a few months. She has two sons one was 13 and 15. The 15 years old was in the juvenile system. Then I introduced her to my daughter they got along. She treats my daughter well. I am happy thought finally I found someone perfect for us. She got a long with my ex so wow. That was the high. Then the honeymoon was over. In the summer of the following year, the 15 years olds about to be released the house is small so we move to my house. The 13 years old now 14 does not get along with the 15 so things get tense at home. I started to doubt my decision because of the environment I brought my daughter into. Then I discovered she was taking Xanax. Not happy and she would get paranoid but I found out later that addicted to it. I don't notice this at first but I started to see the behavioral change in her. I did intervention and told her that if she keeps taking it I am leaving. She seemed to stop taking them. Then we found out the 14 years old was having a baby. The current home just got smaller so we purchased another home with four bed rooms. Things seem to be settled other than the boys' behavior. Especially the oldest one, threatening my daughter, challenged me to a fight and no respect to no one. We finally have youth counselor comes in to help but all attempt fail. Again my opinion to any counselor, the person must wanting to change otherwise it's no hope. We kicked him out because he was threatening to hurt my GF at the time. We eloped in 2007. We thought he was the major part of our problem. We was out of the house then was arrested and back in the system. At this point I lost track of time everything blend together. Drinks all the time try to numb and forget a lot of things that happened. Then the arrival of the granddaughter, the parents are very responsible. The young boy still in school and the mom is very mess up. My wife decided to file for custody and she was awarded. Things are pretty calm at this point then my wife had another Xanax episode. I took it away from her and she called the cop on me. As you know she paranoid when she takes it. The cop showed up ask her what day it is and she was so incoherent couldn't tell nights or days. So anyway I was starting to feel like I made the wrong choice because she promised me to not do this before we married. She wasn't the same person or the person I married for. She also got into with my daughter. And somehow in all of these her and my ex got in to it. Then we reconciled. Then I started to have issue with the younger son. He hit me in the face in 2008. I kicked him out lasted for a while. He returned. Then my wife asked that I adopt the granddaughter. I told her that I can't base on what I have seen here. We don't have a stable relationship. I also found the attempt online romance with some guy out of the state but she ended that. I tried to confront her about it but she kind of brushed it off. If I knew what I know now!! So I start to spy on her on the computer. There were some attempts but I am not sure if went far beyond that EA to PA. The last few years have been a bit better all the boys are out of the house. We have to more my daughter and the granddaughter. I have bonded with her. Then last DDAY 3/1/13 found the texted popped on her phone while she passed out from her med.not xanax. "what's on your my tonight" "musta got tied up". "I can't wait until Wednesday". Big red flag. I went to bed that night with cold chill, heart pounding, and butterfly. I felt this before when I discovered my first wife was cheating. I wonder how many marriages would have been saved from the advice from this site. The next day she was talking to the other mom about something but she slipped to say that she is off Wednesday. So I hired a PI there are so much going on at work. I took Wednesday's morning off to see if there is anything going down. Nothing then and Thursday which she also got off which I find out last night that she knew I read her text. They knew now. They will have to reschedule they "tryst" that is what the OM called it. He asked her if she still wants to do it he was worrying about her. The text went all the way back to 11/2012. I hope I have painted the picture of where I was and how the second marriage gets to where it is. Do I have enough to confront her? I told her from the beginning my dad cheated and I am living the result of that. I will not tolerate cheating. That is the deal breaker. The hold back is the granddaughter if she lives with her I don't know what her life would be. We had a fight a few weeks ago so she threatening to move out and won't her see me again. She does this every time. I still don't know what the decision would be R or D and I have cycle through these emotions. D would give me clean slate. R I would have to live with the constant paranoid or fear of waiting for this to happen again. Thank you for your interest in my story and advice.

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