What To Do When You Don't See Eye To Eye

Ok, this is my first post, I've lurked and read for a month or so. WH and I have been together for 11 years, married for 10 with 4 kids. Our marriage was not good to say the least. I love him and he loves me, but we married really young and were horrible at communicating with each other right away. I like to talk things out, he likes to ignore an compartmentalize, so of course we had issues. This last year in 2012 things were really bad, we could barely be around for 5 minutes without fighting, sex was twice the whole year. DDay was around the second week of Dec 2012. He only confessed because I asked, and of course he lied and said he had cheated but was a ONS, yeah righhhttttt...., Well the first one was a 2 night stand in winter of 2011, then he started a full blown PA/EA in July 2012. As soon as I found out about it I did everything told to do here. Told him he is to have NC, and start working on us and o f course he loves her and I got the whole ILYBINILWY, etc. He did tell her about me but told anyone that knew that this was our arrangement.:confused:, of course all of his family is in the area and he definitely didn't tell them because he knew they would tell him he is wrong. Well his rationalization is that he thought we had agreed to have an open marriage!!!! Problem is the KEY to an open marriage is complete honestly and communication, he NEVER once talked to me about this! I am not ok with an open marriage to begin with, not my thing! He never once came to me and said, "Hey honey I'm thinking about phucking other women, you cool with that?, ok great!" But they(WS) never do, DO they ?;) So he feels angry with me when he thinks about the fact that we didn't have an open-marriage. We married under a monogamous contract,. We have started going to MC but I am having a hard time, he wants to not talk about anything at all at home and save it for therapy, well of course he wants to only talk about the marriage and admittedly doesn't want to talk about his cheating. I am completely open to talking about what I did wrong in the marriage, but he says all I want to talk about is IT. Well no S%@! Sherlock, of course I want to talk about what you did so I can get some healing done. It's his MO, deflect, deflect, deflect. I will see what I can get from him tonight ( where he thinks we don't see eye to eye) but I feel and he has said as much, is that he blames me for why he cheated and says we just aren't going to see eye to eye on this. WTF?

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