| When I was young I was always quite shy, and during secondary school and sixth form I was part of groups of lads who would stick together pretty much all the time, and I was quite happy to keep myself to myself and stay home whenever I wasn't at school mainly because I enjoy solitary hobbies like video games, playing the guitar, watching films etc and I have to say that I do enjoy my own company a lot ! (To the point that I would not go out with my friends sometimes when they asked) I am also a bit quiet, apart from when I am with the people I naturally click with (with my real close friends, both boys and girls, usually the introverted but sociable people if that makes sense) when I become a fair bit more vocal. I also find that the more confident others are and larger the group I'm in that the quieter I become. During sixth form I tried to come out of my shell and become more outgoing and sociable, and took steps to make myself way more confident, so I can very easily introduce myself to someone or go to an event when I know nobody etc as I am confident in myself. I told myself that I would go all out at university to embrace the uni lifestyle and to have fun :) I found the start of uni pretty difficult, I was put on a floor with 20 other people, the large majority of whom are extremely outgoing and while I did enjoy freshers week there were many painful experiences of the floor sitting round the table talking and me saying very little, as I felt very uncomfortable with so many loud people, and in the weeks that followed I felt alienated at times as I was quieter and hence always on the fringes of the group or one of the last to be told what the flat is doing. I persevered though and I have made a lot of great friends and opened up with my flat mates a lot more, so I go out tons with them now and enjoy myself, but every now and then I get really down, today I was feeling really bad because in the last like 24 hours one flat mate said I was quiet as if it was a really bad thing and I felt really awkward, someone brought a girl home on friday night so we were taking the mick of him then while she was chatting to me he made a joke about me so she said quietly not to because I was really shy (making me feel emasculated or whatever the word is), and then when talking about a girl who people say is super easy once you give her a few drinks another flat mate looked at me and said "there's hope then" because I haven't gotten with many girls or something and started laughing. I'm just frustrated that I've tried so hard and still feel like inferior sometimes, and that people are judging me and look down on me, is this going to bug me my whole life ? Why do people flock to the loud annoying people who have it so easy? It just annoys me as I know a fair few people like myself who are quiet and I honestly think we are amazing people with so much to offer, and tbh I'm not the quiet type who doesn't say anything, I do chat a fair bit just not that much in groups, perhaps what I am is introverted I'm just not sure. Sorry about how much I rambled on, I guess I'm just looking for a few words of encouragement or something to cheer me up. | |||
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