| Not sure where to start. 15 years of marriage, 2 children, an almost live-in mother-in-law, and a life full of rocks and roller coasters. My wife and I have been through so much turmoil and troubles, filled w/unexplainable occurrences, outrageous circumstances, challenges, etc. - you'd think we would find comfort in the fact that we've been through it all together, yet she's pushing me away more and more each day. I think life's circumstances is making her reject me, for I am the eternal scapegoat and blame for all these things when she gets angry. Most couple argue, go to their corners, cool down, and forgive and go on, but she goes to extremes. I'm far from perfect, but I've learned to back down, ignore, let things pass, in hopes that things will pass quickly back to normalcy. Complicate that with an absolute 100% involved ad-nauseum MIL. She is my wife's personal cheering squad, enabler, gasoline on the fire, and quick to believe all her lies and exaggerations. My wife can tell her its dark out when the sun is shining, and so it must be so. I can't count how many times she is on the phone to complain to her and in person about this and that about me - from the littlest bs Previously, things cooled down quickly when the MIL was not around. Life's requirements for my family obligations to help her, and of course the kids thankfully takes precedence when a fruitless, ridiculous argument takes hold. When she gets angry, she sees red like and stubborn as bull. Get out of her way. She has argued relentlessly too often within hearing distance of my kids. My boy is 5 handfuls of children and oppositional. That in itself makes our existence tough. It's gotten to the point where I am pulling my hair out. I love my wife, still and would do anything to make it work. I adore my kids, and they adore me. She is very hurtful to me, and leaves me in tears at night. I have to tell her already for the sake of the kids, more than you hate me not to fight with me. I have been there constantly for my wife. She recently had an unexplained condition, and lost count of the # of doctors I took her too. I hold her hand, hug her and tell her that it will be ok. For the record, I get the kids ready for school, HW, do dishes, fix the house, do laundry, etc. etc. etc. Oh, and of course I work. Life is so stressful that it begins to interfere w/my ability to do so, and feel that I am less than a functioning human being. Not to mention how cold and cruel the things that she and her mom say to me. It could fill up chapters here, but however bad you can imagine, its worse. I have to close the door and turn the radio up, so I can drown out the conversation Whatever she asks me to do, I do. She is like a chamelian (sp?) how she turns on me -especially when mama's in the house. We are a small nuclear family, w/no relations outside her mother. We recently lost a close loved one (considered my own), so you'd think why destroy the family we have left? Yes, the MIL does help w/the kids, but at a terrible cost to my sanity and tranquility of marriage. I waver back and forth who is more to blame, my wife or the MIL. I can barely make a stand against the MIL, or my wife will attack. It then becomes a tag-team event. Constant vilification, insults, criticism. I know this has affected the kids, as reflected in their behavior. She won't listen to reason. I've even tried to reason with you would think a "mature" MIL, but its no use. She hates me more than my wife. Irony is, she is a divorced mom herself and doesn't have a relation w/her own son. I do things for her, like a son, but she never appreciates it. Just mentioning it, don't really care on that. Sometimes I think when things are fairly quiet (very rarely) my wife has an instinctual need to fill the void with chaos, scandal and arguments. I know she is tired and exhausted from our mutual stress, but yet incites these drawn out wars. I thought by now we'd see eye to eye, after facing everything together for so many years, and she'd mature by now. I'd even venture to say all this seems so surreal and unnatural. What does she really want from me? I'm a dedicated husband and active father. Why does she want to drive a wedge in this family. My kids would be devastated. I suggested marriage counseling, but she doesn't take it seriously. I know what I'm going through is unfair, maybe even inhumane, yet I tolerate it day by day for the sake of my children. I can't imagine living w/o them. We have everything we need in life, except apparently that bond that's suppose to glue us together. OF course there's more, but I'll stop and ask everyone's thoughts. I don't know what to do anymore - the thought of leaving is untenable. I feel my family is at risk of falling apart. HELP! THX! :confused::(:o | |||
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