So most of you know my whole story by now. Well, she came by just before to pick up the rest of her stuff. She was incredibly cold right from the start. I had huge knots in my stomach but I was trying to be cool.
She said she wanted the wedding gifts - pots and pans and bowls - that her Dad and Aunt gave us. I told her she was the one that wanted out and she got pissy and pointed out the other wedding gifts that I was keeping. So, I said take them. Then she wanted the vacuum cleaner, but I held firm on that which pissed her off, but she said fine.
I helped her carry things out. She remained very cold. I had a sense that had heard that I was told about her and the other guy. That's how she deals.
I updated her on the legal proceedings. She then asked me if I was "OK." I was hurting really badly while she was there, especially because she was so cold - it's amazing how she can turn her feelings and emotions off. Anyway, I wanted to appear strong so I told her that I was fine - I think my voice was shaking. I told her that I was actually relieved and then I said, "with everything I've been hearing, we just don't need to be married to each other."
She didn't even flinch. She is so cool and emotionless under pressure. Didn't ask what I had heard and didn't even respond. Now, I wonder if I just shouldn't have said anything about it.
The thing that sucks is that I was so nervous and now I am sad again. I just don't understand how she can be so remorseless and how she has the capacity to convince herself that this was somehow my fault and that's why she was drinking and involving herself with her ex in some manner.
I'll be fine, it's just another very tough moment for me. I am ready to feel in my heart, what I know in my mind - that she was a horrible choice and that she has severe addiction and psychological problems and that I should be so relieved to be freed from it. But right now, I'm sad.
She said she wanted the wedding gifts - pots and pans and bowls - that her Dad and Aunt gave us. I told her she was the one that wanted out and she got pissy and pointed out the other wedding gifts that I was keeping. So, I said take them. Then she wanted the vacuum cleaner, but I held firm on that which pissed her off, but she said fine.
I helped her carry things out. She remained very cold. I had a sense that had heard that I was told about her and the other guy. That's how she deals.
I updated her on the legal proceedings. She then asked me if I was "OK." I was hurting really badly while she was there, especially because she was so cold - it's amazing how she can turn her feelings and emotions off. Anyway, I wanted to appear strong so I told her that I was fine - I think my voice was shaking. I told her that I was actually relieved and then I said, "with everything I've been hearing, we just don't need to be married to each other."
She didn't even flinch. She is so cool and emotionless under pressure. Didn't ask what I had heard and didn't even respond. Now, I wonder if I just shouldn't have said anything about it.
The thing that sucks is that I was so nervous and now I am sad again. I just don't understand how she can be so remorseless and how she has the capacity to convince herself that this was somehow my fault and that's why she was drinking and involving herself with her ex in some manner.
I'll be fine, it's just another very tough moment for me. I am ready to feel in my heart, what I know in my mind - that she was a horrible choice and that she has severe addiction and psychological problems and that I should be so relieved to be freed from it. But right now, I'm sad.
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