I'm really struggling.
Some of you have probably seen my story around here before - so I won't get into too many details.
38 years old. Wife is 34. Been together for 12 years - married nearly 9. We have a 5.5 year-old-son and a 3 year-old-daughter.
In late 2008 we lost our first child - our daughter - at birth. It was emotionally devastating and I think it planted the seeds of our eventual separation.
Wife said she was out in March of this year. Divorce should be final sometime before end of July.
She claims I changed: I stopped being there for her like she needed me to be there for her. Our priorities changed: she felt I was more there for the kids at the expense of our relationship. We stopped communicating on the same level.
I will always think it was fixable and I've spent the last three months under the hood trying to find the guy I used to be - the guy she fell in love with and while we have had periods where it "felt" like things were hopeful - it has never been enough.
Now I discover she is most likely already pursuing my replacement.
We still live in the same house. We spend time together - for the most part good time together. We're actually getting along better than we have in a long time. We cook and eat together. We parent together.
I know it's going to end - I'm not deluding myself that she is going to pull back and stop this at the last second. I have been working on myself and doing what I can to secure the best future for myself and my kids (50/50 split on custody and placement).
This transition period is just becoming SO brutal. I sustained myself with hope and the good times we shared between us - but now with that gone I feel really empty and the depression has well and truly set in.
I feel like I can't even look her in the face anymore. The despair just follows me around and all I can do is put on a brave face and act like everything is sunshine and blue skies while inside I feel like I'm caving in.
I actually called into work sick yesterday for the first time in a decade. I woke up and my body was just rebelling - I was in and out of the bathroom - my body aching. I spent most of the day huddled in bed or asleep on the couch.
I keep telling myself that I'll bounce back - that I'm a good guy - and I believe it - but right here and right now the pain is almost unbearable.
Some of you have probably seen my story around here before - so I won't get into too many details.
38 years old. Wife is 34. Been together for 12 years - married nearly 9. We have a 5.5 year-old-son and a 3 year-old-daughter.
In late 2008 we lost our first child - our daughter - at birth. It was emotionally devastating and I think it planted the seeds of our eventual separation.
Wife said she was out in March of this year. Divorce should be final sometime before end of July.
She claims I changed: I stopped being there for her like she needed me to be there for her. Our priorities changed: she felt I was more there for the kids at the expense of our relationship. We stopped communicating on the same level.
I will always think it was fixable and I've spent the last three months under the hood trying to find the guy I used to be - the guy she fell in love with and while we have had periods where it "felt" like things were hopeful - it has never been enough.
Now I discover she is most likely already pursuing my replacement.
We still live in the same house. We spend time together - for the most part good time together. We're actually getting along better than we have in a long time. We cook and eat together. We parent together.
I know it's going to end - I'm not deluding myself that she is going to pull back and stop this at the last second. I have been working on myself and doing what I can to secure the best future for myself and my kids (50/50 split on custody and placement).
This transition period is just becoming SO brutal. I sustained myself with hope and the good times we shared between us - but now with that gone I feel really empty and the depression has well and truly set in.
I feel like I can't even look her in the face anymore. The despair just follows me around and all I can do is put on a brave face and act like everything is sunshine and blue skies while inside I feel like I'm caving in.
I actually called into work sick yesterday for the first time in a decade. I woke up and my body was just rebelling - I was in and out of the bathroom - my body aching. I spent most of the day huddled in bed or asleep on the couch.
I keep telling myself that I'll bounce back - that I'm a good guy - and I believe it - but right here and right now the pain is almost unbearable.
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