Hi. :) I'm going to apologize in advance for the book that I'm about to write :P
I don't really know where to start. I guess the best way is to describe how I am in our marriage. I love to laugh, and just have fun. I'm slow to anger, and quick to forgive (to a fault) I treat my husband like a king. (Even though at times, he doesn't deserve it) I've never denied him sex. I'm going to be blunt here, I am pretty much pathetically "easy"when it comes to my husband. lol I'm very rational, and level headed. I'm really not tooting my horn here. I'm just trying to give you an idea of how I am in the marriage. I'm not perfect, or anything. But, I will say, I'm a damn good wife. I really am being realistic here.
Now about him. Just to say in advance, I'm not complaining here (I'm not a nag lol) I'm just stating facts. My husband (I'm just going to let it all out here.) My husband has a bad temper, he's easily set off, he's quick to anger, and SLOW to forgive. If I do, or say one thing wrong, I WILL pay for it, (at the very least) the rest of the night, no matter how many times I apologize. There's more, but I'll just leave it at that.
I will say, we get along great, as long as I can live in the moment, and not think about how things really are. He says he's perfectly happy with me. But truthfully, I'm not happy with him. He's admitted to being a selfish person, but does nothing to try to work on it.
Here's where the problem lies...... As far as sex goes, we do have great sex. The problem is, it's not enough in frequency for me. And I can't talk to him about it. When I do, he gets mad at me. I don't nag him, and I'm very careful how I bring it up, but he instantly blows up, and it never ends well. Honestly, I'm not really allowed (maybe that's the wrong word) to try and talk about how I feel, because it always ends the same way. He gets mad at me, and he becomes so irrational. I keep a cool head because I don't want to "feed the fire". So now I'm to the point where I won't even bring it up,(or any of my feelings for that matter.) But, it's still bothering me. I try to "live in the moment" and just forget about it, but my feelings about the whole issue come to the surface.
If I'm lucky, we have sex once a week. That includes oral for HIM, not me. He's admitted to being "lazy" when it comes to having sex. We do very little (IF ANY) foreplay. As I stated earlier, I'm pathetically easy to please. And not to get to graphic here, I'm always "ready". As far as once a week, (IF I'M LUCKY) is just not enough for me. I've told him this, and he always turns it around on me, and says it's because I'm some sort of nympho, and that I have to have it every day (which I don't have to have it every day) And he gets mad at me for it.
Another part is, he masturbates. Which is fine, so do I. But I do it because I HAVE to. I would prefer to be with him. He says it's just "easier." And uses the excuse that he's "lazy." As I said, WHEN we have sex, it's great. And I know he enjoys it, because I'm there, and I can see how much he's enjoying it. So I don't understand what the problem is, and he won't talk about it. He says there's nothing wrong, but yet, here we are, once a week, TOPS.
The part that does piss me off about him masturbating, is that I'm MORE THAN WILLING to do whatever he wants, when he wants, or even HOW he wants it. He knows that I really want to be with him, and he just gets himself off.
There's so much more to this. Part of me wonders if he does this just to be in control of me. There's a history of physical abuse. (But that was years ago) But now, I kind of feel like I'm being mentally abused. He manipulates, he lies, and he keeps me in the dark about how he feels. And doesn't allow me to say how I feel. Because if I do, I will pay dearly for it. And I know that that's a form of manipulation also.
So, I guess my question is, what should I do? I'm at an all time low. I feel this relationship is give and take. I give, he takes. I can only "live in the moment" for so long. Something's got to give.
I don't really know where to start. I guess the best way is to describe how I am in our marriage. I love to laugh, and just have fun. I'm slow to anger, and quick to forgive (to a fault) I treat my husband like a king. (Even though at times, he doesn't deserve it) I've never denied him sex. I'm going to be blunt here, I am pretty much pathetically "easy"when it comes to my husband. lol I'm very rational, and level headed. I'm really not tooting my horn here. I'm just trying to give you an idea of how I am in the marriage. I'm not perfect, or anything. But, I will say, I'm a damn good wife. I really am being realistic here.
Now about him. Just to say in advance, I'm not complaining here (I'm not a nag lol) I'm just stating facts. My husband (I'm just going to let it all out here.) My husband has a bad temper, he's easily set off, he's quick to anger, and SLOW to forgive. If I do, or say one thing wrong, I WILL pay for it, (at the very least) the rest of the night, no matter how many times I apologize. There's more, but I'll just leave it at that.
I will say, we get along great, as long as I can live in the moment, and not think about how things really are. He says he's perfectly happy with me. But truthfully, I'm not happy with him. He's admitted to being a selfish person, but does nothing to try to work on it.
Here's where the problem lies...... As far as sex goes, we do have great sex. The problem is, it's not enough in frequency for me. And I can't talk to him about it. When I do, he gets mad at me. I don't nag him, and I'm very careful how I bring it up, but he instantly blows up, and it never ends well. Honestly, I'm not really allowed (maybe that's the wrong word) to try and talk about how I feel, because it always ends the same way. He gets mad at me, and he becomes so irrational. I keep a cool head because I don't want to "feed the fire". So now I'm to the point where I won't even bring it up,(or any of my feelings for that matter.) But, it's still bothering me. I try to "live in the moment" and just forget about it, but my feelings about the whole issue come to the surface.
If I'm lucky, we have sex once a week. That includes oral for HIM, not me. He's admitted to being "lazy" when it comes to having sex. We do very little (IF ANY) foreplay. As I stated earlier, I'm pathetically easy to please. And not to get to graphic here, I'm always "ready". As far as once a week, (IF I'M LUCKY) is just not enough for me. I've told him this, and he always turns it around on me, and says it's because I'm some sort of nympho, and that I have to have it every day (which I don't have to have it every day) And he gets mad at me for it.
Another part is, he masturbates. Which is fine, so do I. But I do it because I HAVE to. I would prefer to be with him. He says it's just "easier." And uses the excuse that he's "lazy." As I said, WHEN we have sex, it's great. And I know he enjoys it, because I'm there, and I can see how much he's enjoying it. So I don't understand what the problem is, and he won't talk about it. He says there's nothing wrong, but yet, here we are, once a week, TOPS.
The part that does piss me off about him masturbating, is that I'm MORE THAN WILLING to do whatever he wants, when he wants, or even HOW he wants it. He knows that I really want to be with him, and he just gets himself off.
There's so much more to this. Part of me wonders if he does this just to be in control of me. There's a history of physical abuse. (But that was years ago) But now, I kind of feel like I'm being mentally abused. He manipulates, he lies, and he keeps me in the dark about how he feels. And doesn't allow me to say how I feel. Because if I do, I will pay dearly for it. And I know that that's a form of manipulation also.
So, I guess my question is, what should I do? I'm at an all time low. I feel this relationship is give and take. I give, he takes. I can only "live in the moment" for so long. Something's got to give.
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