So I come on here mainly to get things off my chest as I don't really have anyone else to discuss these matters and frankly its difficult
even dealing with these issues.
My wife doesn't seem to want to have sex, her response in the last few conversations is that just because we are married she is not obligated to have sex with me .
Based on some of the people on this forum I am taking advice and I have talked to experts before on my own.
I have been giving her - her requested space. I have not been needy in fact I have been trying to just be positive sleep and worry about what I need to do in life work and taking time to do positive things for me like go to yoga, go to the gym, go to chiropractor and work on things that are productive .
What is crazy is now when we even kiss or do anything she is always sitting there and I feel as if I am being judged and in my head.
I think the last time we had sex was 3 months ago now. She goes to touch my leg as we sit next to each other and so I just am being with her touching me but I don't initiate any more since she seems to be stressed every time I do she says she feels pressured.
Last night was date night, we went to lunch and I listened to her thoughts and we had great conversation, sat at the beach for a few hours and watched the ocean and help hands ..
We took a walk got a coffee and she suggested we get a picnic basket next time and hang at the beach,, What is weird is this
seems to be all she wants .. we aren't having sex and lately
because she stated she wanted space - even suggesting because of the pressure she feels from me that perhaps we should get separated , which is an extreme reaction - that was brushed over the next day after that conversation...
I asked her several times to go to doctor to get checked and she has mentioned going in the last 2 years without following through on this. she is definitely unbalanced in some way as she takes 3 hour naps in middle of day and she wants to be left alone to sleep in the morning as I take care of my daughter ..
When I have insisted to her to get checked for her health and that I was worried, I was pressuring her ..and she asked me to back off.
When I light candles she feels pressure and asks me why I am lighting candles.
Its really hard to even understand what to do , when I do get a chance to lay next to her now ..kiss her etc , I am very self conscious as last night she kissed me and I kissed her and she just sat still and then made fun of how i kissed her ...perhaps I am looking for her to be into the kissing vs being a wet noodle and judging me ...
Its made it difficult because now that we are not having sex .. and have these issues, I am the only one communicating that we need to work on these issues and make an improvement and again she said she feels pressure..
And no, there are no other people. Whats bizarre is she works out 4-5 days out of the week with our female trainer . She watches what she eats , she is looking at how to improve her body on the outside , she goes for laser, yet when it comes to sex and our relationship - she seems to ve overwhelmed and she would rather sleep than anything else when she is not working ..
I am giving her space but its becomes hard to just lay in bed next to her while she sleeps and I am awake. Last night after we kissed and lit candles she feel asleep on our date night at 930 pm, when I shut off the lights she asked what I was doing , I replied: your tired and asleep so I figured I would just shut out the lights ....
Then I layed there awake and was thinking , do I get up and walk in the other room and let her sleep, does that show that I am upset or what do I do that is best here .. I am trying my best to deal with this but I just don't know what to do when she doesn't want to talk about things, she seems unhealthy overwhelmed at things, not normal on one side and very normal on the other .. She projects all of the issues with us having sex on me and how I am being and the more time we don't have sex, and don't spend time - I just get in my head around it and when I get an opportunity I am mind-screwed ...
What do I do ?
Just keep giving her space.. We decided this past week for me to work in a different area not where she is so I can focus on what I have to do ( for me it may be good that she is not around me all of the time )
At work - we work together in our own business, its weird she wants me to walk with her and us to go to lunch every day together and eat together , she wants my opinions for our business and work and she wants to share her feelings with me and all, be the great father I am - yet she doesn't want to have sex or work on our love life to improve ..
Its like she wants things her way only .. I don't know ..
I have been just giving her space. In the am - I just leave her sleep by herself , its boring for me to lay in bed next to my wife for 2-3 hours especially when I want to touch her and wants to connect and she just wants to rest - all of the time
Any additional advice - besides giving her space, not being needy and letting her be ??
Its definitely driving me nuts !!
even dealing with these issues.
My wife doesn't seem to want to have sex, her response in the last few conversations is that just because we are married she is not obligated to have sex with me .
Based on some of the people on this forum I am taking advice and I have talked to experts before on my own.
I have been giving her - her requested space. I have not been needy in fact I have been trying to just be positive sleep and worry about what I need to do in life work and taking time to do positive things for me like go to yoga, go to the gym, go to chiropractor and work on things that are productive .
What is crazy is now when we even kiss or do anything she is always sitting there and I feel as if I am being judged and in my head.
I think the last time we had sex was 3 months ago now. She goes to touch my leg as we sit next to each other and so I just am being with her touching me but I don't initiate any more since she seems to be stressed every time I do she says she feels pressured.
Last night was date night, we went to lunch and I listened to her thoughts and we had great conversation, sat at the beach for a few hours and watched the ocean and help hands ..
We took a walk got a coffee and she suggested we get a picnic basket next time and hang at the beach,, What is weird is this
seems to be all she wants .. we aren't having sex and lately
because she stated she wanted space - even suggesting because of the pressure she feels from me that perhaps we should get separated , which is an extreme reaction - that was brushed over the next day after that conversation...
I asked her several times to go to doctor to get checked and she has mentioned going in the last 2 years without following through on this. she is definitely unbalanced in some way as she takes 3 hour naps in middle of day and she wants to be left alone to sleep in the morning as I take care of my daughter ..
When I have insisted to her to get checked for her health and that I was worried, I was pressuring her ..and she asked me to back off.
When I light candles she feels pressure and asks me why I am lighting candles.
Its really hard to even understand what to do , when I do get a chance to lay next to her now ..kiss her etc , I am very self conscious as last night she kissed me and I kissed her and she just sat still and then made fun of how i kissed her ...perhaps I am looking for her to be into the kissing vs being a wet noodle and judging me ...
Its made it difficult because now that we are not having sex .. and have these issues, I am the only one communicating that we need to work on these issues and make an improvement and again she said she feels pressure..
And no, there are no other people. Whats bizarre is she works out 4-5 days out of the week with our female trainer . She watches what she eats , she is looking at how to improve her body on the outside , she goes for laser, yet when it comes to sex and our relationship - she seems to ve overwhelmed and she would rather sleep than anything else when she is not working ..
I am giving her space but its becomes hard to just lay in bed next to her while she sleeps and I am awake. Last night after we kissed and lit candles she feel asleep on our date night at 930 pm, when I shut off the lights she asked what I was doing , I replied: your tired and asleep so I figured I would just shut out the lights ....
Then I layed there awake and was thinking , do I get up and walk in the other room and let her sleep, does that show that I am upset or what do I do that is best here .. I am trying my best to deal with this but I just don't know what to do when she doesn't want to talk about things, she seems unhealthy overwhelmed at things, not normal on one side and very normal on the other .. She projects all of the issues with us having sex on me and how I am being and the more time we don't have sex, and don't spend time - I just get in my head around it and when I get an opportunity I am mind-screwed ...
What do I do ?
Just keep giving her space.. We decided this past week for me to work in a different area not where she is so I can focus on what I have to do ( for me it may be good that she is not around me all of the time )
At work - we work together in our own business, its weird she wants me to walk with her and us to go to lunch every day together and eat together , she wants my opinions for our business and work and she wants to share her feelings with me and all, be the great father I am - yet she doesn't want to have sex or work on our love life to improve ..
Its like she wants things her way only .. I don't know ..
I have been just giving her space. In the am - I just leave her sleep by herself , its boring for me to lay in bed next to my wife for 2-3 hours especially when I want to touch her and wants to connect and she just wants to rest - all of the time
Any additional advice - besides giving her space, not being needy and letting her be ??
Its definitely driving me nuts !!
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