I really need some input on this to know if I'm way off base or not. Married less than a year to a woman who has two teenage kids living with us. She was married for 20 years- I was married for 10 but have no children so I'm not only new to the step-parent role but also new to dealing with a spouses ex.
My question is about boundaries with her ex. Everything is amicable and there are healthy relationships with the kids by all- and he lives half way across the country. The kids go there on breaks and for the summer- but when he comes here is when I feel boundaries are maybe crossed. All of their family is where he lives- so when he comes here it's only to see the kids. My wife suggested the first time he came to visit that he stay at our house so we could get away for a long weekend kid-free, have alone time, etc. While it seemed odd to have him stay here- it was great to get away together so I agreed. Now he's been here 4 times and each time we leave so he can stay here to get the most time with the kids- it's like it's just assumed he can have our house if he comes and we'll leave.
In addition- he's coming for high school graduation this week- and staying in a hotel- but my wife is picking him up at the airport early to bring him to the house until he can check in- and then letting him use her car while he's here. This may be perfectly normal- it's just all new to me and it feels weird. Very happy everything is on good terms- but it just seems too far.
Lastly- there's going to be a graduation party back where he lives in a few weeks and we're going because the kids will be there for the summer. My wife invited all of her large family- and all of his large family as well. I understand the kid is the focus, but I feel like I'll be the outsider while the their family that has been together for 20+ years has a party together since I'll know almost no one there. It doesn't seem to me that all of his family should be invited to an event at her family's house - when his family could have a party for her too.
Any input or experience is appreciated- this is all new to me- and I don't know where boundaries are normally set in these situations when kids are involved and everything is on good terms. Thank you!
My question is about boundaries with her ex. Everything is amicable and there are healthy relationships with the kids by all- and he lives half way across the country. The kids go there on breaks and for the summer- but when he comes here is when I feel boundaries are maybe crossed. All of their family is where he lives- so when he comes here it's only to see the kids. My wife suggested the first time he came to visit that he stay at our house so we could get away for a long weekend kid-free, have alone time, etc. While it seemed odd to have him stay here- it was great to get away together so I agreed. Now he's been here 4 times and each time we leave so he can stay here to get the most time with the kids- it's like it's just assumed he can have our house if he comes and we'll leave.
In addition- he's coming for high school graduation this week- and staying in a hotel- but my wife is picking him up at the airport early to bring him to the house until he can check in- and then letting him use her car while he's here. This may be perfectly normal- it's just all new to me and it feels weird. Very happy everything is on good terms- but it just seems too far.
Lastly- there's going to be a graduation party back where he lives in a few weeks and we're going because the kids will be there for the summer. My wife invited all of her large family- and all of his large family as well. I understand the kid is the focus, but I feel like I'll be the outsider while the their family that has been together for 20+ years has a party together since I'll know almost no one there. It doesn't seem to me that all of his family should be invited to an event at her family's house - when his family could have a party for her too.
Any input or experience is appreciated- this is all new to me- and I don't know where boundaries are normally set in these situations when kids are involved and everything is on good terms. Thank you!
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