hello everyone... when I first joined this site, and up until about 2 months ago, my goal was to save my marriage. Things were TERRIBLE and hopeless... but I couldn't let go, and I'd hold onto the little glimmers of hope that would happen occasionally in my marriage. Basically, I've been emotionally abused for years now by my husband... sometimes physically. My husband has a load of his own issues, it made him completely change. He's just not a good person anymore. We've been together for 10 years... no kids. Sexless for 2 years.
Had one period of pretty great reconciliation this past winter, went on a trip together, continued marriage counseling, but then it fell apart again and I decided I was done. I am now 100% committed to getting a divorce, but of course it is still painful to lose someone I loved dearly for so long and thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. But I don't want this life anymore.
I'm just now realizing the immense damage he's caused me through his abuse by attending my own counseling... it's almost embarrassing at times how affected I am. Anxiety, self doubt, lack of confidence. I feel very weak. I have entrusted very few people in my real life with my situation... with divorce imminent I am just now venturing into telling more people in my life, but find it difficult to breach a subject that many, including my own family, are completely unaware of. They all love my husband, which makes it even harder.
This is all very new to me... though I feel no more doubts about divorcing him, the process is still scary to me. I worry about how long it will take, I worry about how much it will cost, what I will get, how I will fare without him... I've learned to live without him emotionally, but unfortunately he took care of most everything else. I feel very incapable of many things but I am willing to learn through this process... just feel very silly at 30 years old being still so very inexperienced in life. My husband was yes a provider, but also very controlling. I pretty much have to start completely over.
I feel like I have a million questions... and yet couldn't really think of any as I wrote this. I just fear the future so much! Right now my biggest stress is telling my family, and the rest of my friends. Those I have confided in already have been with me since day one of this ordeal... and have been great and very supportive. I am worried about other people not being that way. But I'm tired of feeling isolated. Its a catch 22. Anyways, looking to connect with some people on here going through similar situations.
Had one period of pretty great reconciliation this past winter, went on a trip together, continued marriage counseling, but then it fell apart again and I decided I was done. I am now 100% committed to getting a divorce, but of course it is still painful to lose someone I loved dearly for so long and thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. But I don't want this life anymore.
I'm just now realizing the immense damage he's caused me through his abuse by attending my own counseling... it's almost embarrassing at times how affected I am. Anxiety, self doubt, lack of confidence. I feel very weak. I have entrusted very few people in my real life with my situation... with divorce imminent I am just now venturing into telling more people in my life, but find it difficult to breach a subject that many, including my own family, are completely unaware of. They all love my husband, which makes it even harder.
This is all very new to me... though I feel no more doubts about divorcing him, the process is still scary to me. I worry about how long it will take, I worry about how much it will cost, what I will get, how I will fare without him... I've learned to live without him emotionally, but unfortunately he took care of most everything else. I feel very incapable of many things but I am willing to learn through this process... just feel very silly at 30 years old being still so very inexperienced in life. My husband was yes a provider, but also very controlling. I pretty much have to start completely over.
I feel like I have a million questions... and yet couldn't really think of any as I wrote this. I just fear the future so much! Right now my biggest stress is telling my family, and the rest of my friends. Those I have confided in already have been with me since day one of this ordeal... and have been great and very supportive. I am worried about other people not being that way. But I'm tired of feeling isolated. Its a catch 22. Anyways, looking to connect with some people on here going through similar situations.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment