Hi:
A little bit of backstory. Both of us were virgins when we got married so everything was pretty basic - no oral for example - until 5 years ago when i felt the need to spice things up, mainly because in 15 years of marriage i had never had an orgasm with him. I started doing oral on him but he never reciprocated. I have a very difficult time talking to him about sex because he becomes offended and uncomfortable. These 5 years I've tried many different things (articles, books, toys, porn, novels, etc) but nothing seems to help. It seems he doesnt enjoy fingering me and has no desire to perform oral (this is all my guessing since he won't talk about it). In the last arguments we've had he has mentioned that I was 'degrading our lovemaking because i'm seeking physical pleasure' and also that he feels 'violated when i ask him if he masturbates'. This has made me very self conscious about what i do or say to him. So our sex life pretty much has stopped. This makes me very sad and frustrated as Im a very sexual being and i'd love to connect with him in this area. He says I should respect him and not ask him to change and i get that but then, should i live my life without experiencing an orgasm during sex? without experiencing oral sex? Am I wrong to wish for those things? Im at a loss at what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
A little bit of backstory. Both of us were virgins when we got married so everything was pretty basic - no oral for example - until 5 years ago when i felt the need to spice things up, mainly because in 15 years of marriage i had never had an orgasm with him. I started doing oral on him but he never reciprocated. I have a very difficult time talking to him about sex because he becomes offended and uncomfortable. These 5 years I've tried many different things (articles, books, toys, porn, novels, etc) but nothing seems to help. It seems he doesnt enjoy fingering me and has no desire to perform oral (this is all my guessing since he won't talk about it). In the last arguments we've had he has mentioned that I was 'degrading our lovemaking because i'm seeking physical pleasure' and also that he feels 'violated when i ask him if he masturbates'. This has made me very self conscious about what i do or say to him. So our sex life pretty much has stopped. This makes me very sad and frustrated as Im a very sexual being and i'd love to connect with him in this area. He says I should respect him and not ask him to change and i get that but then, should i live my life without experiencing an orgasm during sex? without experiencing oral sex? Am I wrong to wish for those things? Im at a loss at what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
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