Hello all
Please excuse my language, as I am not a native English speaker.
I am a married man (41 Y/o + 2 children). Married for 12 years now. Never cheated, and as a matter of fact I have adored my wife ever since I met her. She has always been highly intelligent and a stunningly beautiful woman. Looking at her naked, I have always felt as if she was the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine. And this thing is mine!. I was the happiest man alive. Honestly.
My main problem was that I avoided fights and always tried to please her and make her happy, even on my own expanse. And that was kind of fine with me.
As so many here, I was recently cheated on by her. Following a very tough year in which she was unemployed , the too-much-spare-time + boredom at home + frustration had brought her to chat with random men via the internet. The chatting soon escalated to a romance.
I was watching her from the side. My once lively and lovely wife has become a resentful frustrated pile of unhappiness. The kids and I suffered. We felt as if we are losing her.
Slowly she became addicted to her cell phone. She wouldn't move without it, even to take a shower. It did raise a red flag for me, but it was more convenient to ignore…. One day last February the home phone bill arrived at my mail. It was 4 times higher than usual, naturally I checked the incoming/outgoing calls and found an unusual number from/to which many long calls were made. I traced the owner easily (never heard of him) – and decided to take a move.
When I came home that day, I cunningly took her phone for a few moments and paired it with Whatsapp for web on my laptop, which means I could see her Whatsapp activity. I guessed her Gmail password, which meant I could see where she is every moment and keep track and I could see her mail box.
I wish I hadn't.
She was having highly sexual communication with that guy. I was so shocked I couldn't do anything those days other than follow every move she made like a stalker. Soon enough I started to secretly record the house phone calls. Not long after, I recorded a long conversation which started with sex phone (mutual masturbation) and then she told him about her extra-marital past. My angel admitted to having an affair with a work colleague on 2012-3 (long before she was unemployed)
I couldn't take it anymore and exploded upon her with the facts one night when the children were not home and she "was a little troubled that we didn't have sex for many weeks". I let it all out including the recording.
4 hours later she stopped crying….. She admitted every fact I had. But said nothing ever happened with the colleague, and that she lied to her AP so he would think she was very cool or something. She seemed very sorry and remorseful.
It has been 3 weeks now. We started counseling and she seems cooperating with it.
The problem is me. Somehow I am reacting weird. I am so attracted to her now……physically, I mean. We haven't had sex for months, because I cannot bring myself to ****ing her, but other than that, I cannot get my hands off her. I constantly caress her, kiss her, massage her back and feet, smell her hair and she clearly enjoys that. My heart widens every time I see her. I am like a teenage around her, touching her ass every time I walk past her.
I am not very mad at her. I admit. Most of all, I am happy that part is behind us, and we did not separate because of the affair. But EXACTLY THIS is bothering me – I give her the impression that "all is good" even more than before the affair.
Although I am the hurt side, I tend to make a large effort to make her misery as easy as possible.
I feel as if she never paid for what she did. I don't want her to be crying and remorseful all day long, but I feel I am not confronting her enough (the doormat syndrome). I am not sure everything she told me was true and she keeps denying my repeated questions.
I am afraid that soon enough the MC will end and I will return to my usual place constantly pleasing her. What would prevent her from doing everything again? I cannot bring myself to be angry at her. I hate myself so much for being a doormat……..
Thank you for your replies.
Please excuse my language, as I am not a native English speaker.
I am a married man (41 Y/o + 2 children). Married for 12 years now. Never cheated, and as a matter of fact I have adored my wife ever since I met her. She has always been highly intelligent and a stunningly beautiful woman. Looking at her naked, I have always felt as if she was the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine. And this thing is mine!. I was the happiest man alive. Honestly.
My main problem was that I avoided fights and always tried to please her and make her happy, even on my own expanse. And that was kind of fine with me.
As so many here, I was recently cheated on by her. Following a very tough year in which she was unemployed , the too-much-spare-time + boredom at home + frustration had brought her to chat with random men via the internet. The chatting soon escalated to a romance.
I was watching her from the side. My once lively and lovely wife has become a resentful frustrated pile of unhappiness. The kids and I suffered. We felt as if we are losing her.
Slowly she became addicted to her cell phone. She wouldn't move without it, even to take a shower. It did raise a red flag for me, but it was more convenient to ignore…. One day last February the home phone bill arrived at my mail. It was 4 times higher than usual, naturally I checked the incoming/outgoing calls and found an unusual number from/to which many long calls were made. I traced the owner easily (never heard of him) – and decided to take a move.
When I came home that day, I cunningly took her phone for a few moments and paired it with Whatsapp for web on my laptop, which means I could see her Whatsapp activity. I guessed her Gmail password, which meant I could see where she is every moment and keep track and I could see her mail box.
I wish I hadn't.
She was having highly sexual communication with that guy. I was so shocked I couldn't do anything those days other than follow every move she made like a stalker. Soon enough I started to secretly record the house phone calls. Not long after, I recorded a long conversation which started with sex phone (mutual masturbation) and then she told him about her extra-marital past. My angel admitted to having an affair with a work colleague on 2012-3 (long before she was unemployed)
I couldn't take it anymore and exploded upon her with the facts one night when the children were not home and she "was a little troubled that we didn't have sex for many weeks". I let it all out including the recording.
4 hours later she stopped crying….. She admitted every fact I had. But said nothing ever happened with the colleague, and that she lied to her AP so he would think she was very cool or something. She seemed very sorry and remorseful.
It has been 3 weeks now. We started counseling and she seems cooperating with it.
The problem is me. Somehow I am reacting weird. I am so attracted to her now……physically, I mean. We haven't had sex for months, because I cannot bring myself to ****ing her, but other than that, I cannot get my hands off her. I constantly caress her, kiss her, massage her back and feet, smell her hair and she clearly enjoys that. My heart widens every time I see her. I am like a teenage around her, touching her ass every time I walk past her.
I am not very mad at her. I admit. Most of all, I am happy that part is behind us, and we did not separate because of the affair. But EXACTLY THIS is bothering me – I give her the impression that "all is good" even more than before the affair.
Although I am the hurt side, I tend to make a large effort to make her misery as easy as possible.
I feel as if she never paid for what she did. I don't want her to be crying and remorseful all day long, but I feel I am not confronting her enough (the doormat syndrome). I am not sure everything she told me was true and she keeps denying my repeated questions.
I am afraid that soon enough the MC will end and I will return to my usual place constantly pleasing her. What would prevent her from doing everything again? I cannot bring myself to be angry at her. I hate myself so much for being a doormat……..
Thank you for your replies.
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