Married 11 years, 3 kids...ongoing issue is this: in the course of a fight, dh will not apologize for anything, ever. He is a lawyer, and he often says things that are technically true but hurtful, or said in a hurtful tone of voice, or just generally provocative. He is the one who initiates fights about 95% of the time. The closest he come to apologizing is telling me he "would have done things differently or said things differently" if he could do it over.
I tend to get rattled more quickly during fights, and I raise my voice sometimes. I get frustrated because he might be technically blameless but he is hurting me emotionally. He is quick to focus on my fighting style, and he says that I'm responsible for my own emotions and reactions, so he's not at fault. Then he demands an apology from me.
I agree with him that my emotions are my own responsibily, but I also feel that if he hurts my feelings, he should be sensitive enough to apologize, even if he's not entirely to blame. Basically I feel like he's being a jerk during fights.
In previousl relationships, if a partner and I fought, we would generally each apologize afterwards for our part is causing/escalating the fight. I thought that was the norm. I'm getting bitter and angry that dh expects me to shoulder all the blame in a fight, and it's humiliating to be forced to apologize when I feel he's to blame too. Am I being unreasonable?
I tend to get rattled more quickly during fights, and I raise my voice sometimes. I get frustrated because he might be technically blameless but he is hurting me emotionally. He is quick to focus on my fighting style, and he says that I'm responsible for my own emotions and reactions, so he's not at fault. Then he demands an apology from me.
I agree with him that my emotions are my own responsibily, but I also feel that if he hurts my feelings, he should be sensitive enough to apologize, even if he's not entirely to blame. Basically I feel like he's being a jerk during fights.
In previousl relationships, if a partner and I fought, we would generally each apologize afterwards for our part is causing/escalating the fight. I thought that was the norm. I'm getting bitter and angry that dh expects me to shoulder all the blame in a fight, and it's humiliating to be forced to apologize when I feel he's to blame too. Am I being unreasonable?
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