Hi Everyone,
Thank you for having me and for reading. I'm new to the neighborhood so to speak. My wife & I have been married for 32 years. Our relationship has been far from perfect but I always have felt a very strong sense of love & have always been faithful to her.
Our children are grown and we have 4 grandchildren. Our relationship for the most part has been ebb & flow with our very busy lives pulling on us daily. Slowly, as a result of this, our communication and intimacy started going wayside.
My wife is a 53 year old teacher of young children and is extremely attractive. I'm not just saying this because she is my wife. She has invested lots of time and money in her looks for she is very sensitive about herself. She is also going thru " The Changes", and that in itself has weighed heavy on her sense of self confidence.
She works as a Group Leader at this summer camp when the school year is over. She claims that she does this because A.] She loves the kids. B.] Our grandchildren go to the camp for free. Overall, she has been there for 7 summers and is considered a lifer.
The owner of this camp does not pay a whole lot, but does other things for his help like having social events weekly and parties at his house among other things. Most of the people who work there are other teachers either married or not, but do it for the same reasons.
My wife has friended many of these people, and stays in contact with most throughout the year. She seems to be on Facebook, and her phone alot when she is with me. It usually involves someone from camp or something related to it.
Last fall, when she was teaching her regular job in the preschool, the janitor of the school started hitting on my wife. She would come home & tell me about the things he would say almost with a sense of pride that he was doing it.
He is a ok looking Spanish guy around our age and not married. She claims that she told him she was married and he did not understand her english in anything that she told him so it just kept going on daily.
I finally told her that she needs to tell his supervisor what is going on so there can be an end to this, but she claimed the she was afraid he would lose his job. And after all, its just harmless banter right?
Wrong! After a few months he ended up attacking my wife in a downstairs room at the school, tried forcing himself on her and she managed to break free and ran to her classroom to hide.
My wife claims that at that time Alex from camp happened to be texting her while she was hiding from the janitor. She called Alex back and told him what happened and of course, he went to her aid.
I have at this time never heard of Alex, nor did she tell me about the situation with the janitor until 3 or 4 days after it happened. I felt devastated, first by what happened to her, and second that I was'nt allowed to know at the time that it happened.
We had a huge blowout over all of this. I wanted to know who this Alex guy is and why HE gets to come to the aid of my wife for 32 years. She accused me of being completely selfish and insensitive to what happened to her and I tried to explain that I felt robbed of the opportunity to help her as a result of Alex.
It all just spiraled and unraveled out of control. I know that I did'nt handle this right at all. She claims Alex is just a friend, even to this day. He is ten years younger than she and divorced twice. He has a whole host of issues, emotionally and physically, and does not have many friends.
She claims that she really got to know him at a camp staff retreat weekend and they seemed to have formed this emotional connection. She claims there has never been anything sexual going on. She says that she finds him completely unattractive.
At that time they remained in daily contact via texts,calls etc. I would see my wife getting texts and she would position herself and her phone so I could not see who it was that was texting her. Nor would she let me know who it was, she would just say it was no one.
She apparently gave him a ride home from his work one time because he lost his license for DUI. Apparently Alex is a Hoarder, and Alcoholic and living in virtual squaller. Now my wife wants to help him rebuild his life.
My wife has always been a gracious person and was usually doing something for the betterment of society. She decides to get me involved with her at his house helping to rebuild Alex, hence I dubbed it, " The Alex Project".
This man has had alot of loss in his life. I do feel for him as well. What I don't like is how close he and my wife have become. He came to her rescue on more that one occasion, especially when she is down & out with me or any of the kids, she talks with him about everything.
He took her to an Aerosmith concert earlier this summer. He picked her up in a limo and off she went scantily clad to this concert wearing a short short skirt looking like a hooker. My daughters have said to me that she acts completely different when he's around and her whole demeanor changes and is very giddy and flirtatious with him.
I would try talking to her about this behavior and of course she denies it. She claims that they are just trying to start trouble between us . My daughters are furious with her about this whole Alex thing. At times when I would be with my wife and Alex I would have this feeling that something is between them but maybe I'm just being paranoid.
I again, would try talking to her about this feeling I have and she would just tell me that it's all in my head. There is nothing going on with them and she just wants to be his friend and get his life back on track.
So, currently the situation has evolved to the point where all my wife talks about is Alex, his problems, what she is doing to help him. This involves both emotional and financial resources. I have tried to be supportive and have done some work at his house and on his car etc.
The constant daily texting is ongoing whenever my wife and I are together for we never have much to say to each other. We planned a "whole day to ourselves" kind of thing which we were supposed to find passion and doing some fun things together for the whole day. Sounds like a great idea right?
Well, the night before she was working at "The Alex Project" until 1:00 in the morning before she got home. Of course I asked why so late and I get the usual "blah,blah,blah" on how Alex is in a bad state because the Holidays being so painful for him & she need to console him.
So that tarnished my passion and mood for our " day to ourselves" thing. I pulled away and pushed her away for most of the day. That evening I took the dog out and happened to be in a spot where I can see her texting/receiving texts from Alex through the window.
I happened to see him text how he misses her ( they were together a few hours before), and she told him that next time she would see him she would give him a special reward for keeping his house clean. I BLEW MY STACK!
I came in & asked her if she is having sex with him, and I told her what I saw. She tried to tell me nothing is going on & that the reward is that Alex gets to keep some of his junk if he keeps his house clean. Needless to say it really deteriorated from there.
Currently, we have been separated for about a week. My wife has been staying with Alex (yes, in his dump), and still insists there is nothing going on. She claims that she loves me and wants to come home to work things out. My daughters have jumped on the bandwagon with me ( not by my choice), but based on what they have seen in how she reacts with Alex and they feel she is having an affair. They are really angry with her. My wife feels abandoned by her family and this whole thing with Alex is misunderstood.
Am I just a fool? Is there more going on here than what I know or am I just paranoid to the point where this whole mess has just imploded and become out of control? I know there is a combination of issues here. I just feel lost. Any advice will be welcome...Thank You for reading ...
Thank you for having me and for reading. I'm new to the neighborhood so to speak. My wife & I have been married for 32 years. Our relationship has been far from perfect but I always have felt a very strong sense of love & have always been faithful to her.
Our children are grown and we have 4 grandchildren. Our relationship for the most part has been ebb & flow with our very busy lives pulling on us daily. Slowly, as a result of this, our communication and intimacy started going wayside.
My wife is a 53 year old teacher of young children and is extremely attractive. I'm not just saying this because she is my wife. She has invested lots of time and money in her looks for she is very sensitive about herself. She is also going thru " The Changes", and that in itself has weighed heavy on her sense of self confidence.
She works as a Group Leader at this summer camp when the school year is over. She claims that she does this because A.] She loves the kids. B.] Our grandchildren go to the camp for free. Overall, she has been there for 7 summers and is considered a lifer.
The owner of this camp does not pay a whole lot, but does other things for his help like having social events weekly and parties at his house among other things. Most of the people who work there are other teachers either married or not, but do it for the same reasons.
My wife has friended many of these people, and stays in contact with most throughout the year. She seems to be on Facebook, and her phone alot when she is with me. It usually involves someone from camp or something related to it.
Last fall, when she was teaching her regular job in the preschool, the janitor of the school started hitting on my wife. She would come home & tell me about the things he would say almost with a sense of pride that he was doing it.
He is a ok looking Spanish guy around our age and not married. She claims that she told him she was married and he did not understand her english in anything that she told him so it just kept going on daily.
I finally told her that she needs to tell his supervisor what is going on so there can be an end to this, but she claimed the she was afraid he would lose his job. And after all, its just harmless banter right?
Wrong! After a few months he ended up attacking my wife in a downstairs room at the school, tried forcing himself on her and she managed to break free and ran to her classroom to hide.
My wife claims that at that time Alex from camp happened to be texting her while she was hiding from the janitor. She called Alex back and told him what happened and of course, he went to her aid.
I have at this time never heard of Alex, nor did she tell me about the situation with the janitor until 3 or 4 days after it happened. I felt devastated, first by what happened to her, and second that I was'nt allowed to know at the time that it happened.
We had a huge blowout over all of this. I wanted to know who this Alex guy is and why HE gets to come to the aid of my wife for 32 years. She accused me of being completely selfish and insensitive to what happened to her and I tried to explain that I felt robbed of the opportunity to help her as a result of Alex.
It all just spiraled and unraveled out of control. I know that I did'nt handle this right at all. She claims Alex is just a friend, even to this day. He is ten years younger than she and divorced twice. He has a whole host of issues, emotionally and physically, and does not have many friends.
She claims that she really got to know him at a camp staff retreat weekend and they seemed to have formed this emotional connection. She claims there has never been anything sexual going on. She says that she finds him completely unattractive.
At that time they remained in daily contact via texts,calls etc. I would see my wife getting texts and she would position herself and her phone so I could not see who it was that was texting her. Nor would she let me know who it was, she would just say it was no one.
She apparently gave him a ride home from his work one time because he lost his license for DUI. Apparently Alex is a Hoarder, and Alcoholic and living in virtual squaller. Now my wife wants to help him rebuild his life.
My wife has always been a gracious person and was usually doing something for the betterment of society. She decides to get me involved with her at his house helping to rebuild Alex, hence I dubbed it, " The Alex Project".
This man has had alot of loss in his life. I do feel for him as well. What I don't like is how close he and my wife have become. He came to her rescue on more that one occasion, especially when she is down & out with me or any of the kids, she talks with him about everything.
He took her to an Aerosmith concert earlier this summer. He picked her up in a limo and off she went scantily clad to this concert wearing a short short skirt looking like a hooker. My daughters have said to me that she acts completely different when he's around and her whole demeanor changes and is very giddy and flirtatious with him.
I would try talking to her about this behavior and of course she denies it. She claims that they are just trying to start trouble between us . My daughters are furious with her about this whole Alex thing. At times when I would be with my wife and Alex I would have this feeling that something is between them but maybe I'm just being paranoid.
I again, would try talking to her about this feeling I have and she would just tell me that it's all in my head. There is nothing going on with them and she just wants to be his friend and get his life back on track.
So, currently the situation has evolved to the point where all my wife talks about is Alex, his problems, what she is doing to help him. This involves both emotional and financial resources. I have tried to be supportive and have done some work at his house and on his car etc.
The constant daily texting is ongoing whenever my wife and I are together for we never have much to say to each other. We planned a "whole day to ourselves" kind of thing which we were supposed to find passion and doing some fun things together for the whole day. Sounds like a great idea right?
Well, the night before she was working at "The Alex Project" until 1:00 in the morning before she got home. Of course I asked why so late and I get the usual "blah,blah,blah" on how Alex is in a bad state because the Holidays being so painful for him & she need to console him.
So that tarnished my passion and mood for our " day to ourselves" thing. I pulled away and pushed her away for most of the day. That evening I took the dog out and happened to be in a spot where I can see her texting/receiving texts from Alex through the window.
I happened to see him text how he misses her ( they were together a few hours before), and she told him that next time she would see him she would give him a special reward for keeping his house clean. I BLEW MY STACK!
I came in & asked her if she is having sex with him, and I told her what I saw. She tried to tell me nothing is going on & that the reward is that Alex gets to keep some of his junk if he keeps his house clean. Needless to say it really deteriorated from there.
Currently, we have been separated for about a week. My wife has been staying with Alex (yes, in his dump), and still insists there is nothing going on. She claims that she loves me and wants to come home to work things out. My daughters have jumped on the bandwagon with me ( not by my choice), but based on what they have seen in how she reacts with Alex and they feel she is having an affair. They are really angry with her. My wife feels abandoned by her family and this whole thing with Alex is misunderstood.
Am I just a fool? Is there more going on here than what I know or am I just paranoid to the point where this whole mess has just imploded and become out of control? I know there is a combination of issues here. I just feel lost. Any advice will be welcome...Thank You for reading ...
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