Hello friends,
A THOUSAND APOLOGIES for this post being so long - tried to cut it down but there is so much to tell! I will get to the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" part, but there's a backstory I must tell first, please read and give any advice if you can:
I'm in my mid-thirties, and have been with my husband for 14 years (married for 9 years) with a preschool aged son. My husband has emotionally abandoned me for quite some time now - it's been about a year and a half. Prior to this he loved me so deeply, which I loved, however he also used to paw all over me and it was WAY TOO smothering. I like to be affectionate and show him love too, but not so intensely! He had to have sex at least once a week, no matter what. At times I have severe depression episodes, and also had brain tumors surgery with a lengthy recover period - even during these times he would attempt sex! Sometimes I would give in just so he could leave me alone, which made me even more depressed. He told me that this is why he turned from hot to COLD – said he couldn't take the rejection anymore.
In October, I found suggestive pics sent to him by a co-worker and txt messages that to me prove he was having an emotional affair. When I confronted him he was angry and still shows anger about it. He keeps saying that it was not an affair and they are just friends that went "over the line" with their joking. But I found out she has also met him in Vegas when he went with his Mom and our son to visit family, and he's also gone camping with her and his friends(just found out about that too). He said he told me he was going to meet a co-worker in Vegas, but to me this is WAY inappropriate. He tried to hang out with her again a week after I told him that this needs to end. That's when I told him "Stop being friends with this *****, or it's over!" He was so mad that he DESTROYED his phone and was even more pissed at me. He seems to have limited contact with her now, but it still bothers me that he still says "hi" to her everyday.
After all this crap, I went to him and said maybe we can find a happy medium, and show more affection to eachother in ways that we BOTH want. That's when he told me that he loved me in a different way. So I asked him, "Are you trying to say, 'I love you but I'm not in love with you.?" That's when he said YES.
After this I setup marriage counseling. Every time we went he ended up yelling at me & storming out at the end of every session. My therapist told me that he has such a huge "wall of resentment" up towards me that I needed to stop trying to make it work and let him make the next move. Well I did that, but after a month of counseling, with hardly ANY effort from him to "try" to make the relationship work and I couldn't take it anymore and left to stay with my parents. He told me "don't go" but he had NO real emotion behind it AT ALL.
It's been a month and a half now and though he is friendly when I talk to him, he never calls me or try to setup any dates. He only tried one time in December but that was it. He is working major overtime right now to afford a new place of his own as our lease is up this month, but it seems like he doesn't care about fighting for our marriage. He says he is striving to make our marriage workd, yet he tells me he tries to stay busy to NOT think about our situation and the fact that he is alone most of the time. After me calling him on Christmas and crying about how there's still no progress, we set it up so that I stay at our condo with him for a few days. But he told me after the first day that he feels "too much anxiety" when he sees me after coming home from work and wanted me to leave with our son! I told his ass to get a hotel room if he's not happy with me being there, and he did just that! After that he verbally attacked me so much that I was scared to even sleep that night. He has since then apologized, but what was said was said, and I feel he's too far gone to recover this marriage.
There's a lot more to this, but this is already too long. Any suggestions would be MUCH APPRECIATED, as I truly still love him and want us to make up, but feel like I am dying inside right now. :(
Thank you and God Bless!
A THOUSAND APOLOGIES for this post being so long - tried to cut it down but there is so much to tell! I will get to the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" part, but there's a backstory I must tell first, please read and give any advice if you can:
I'm in my mid-thirties, and have been with my husband for 14 years (married for 9 years) with a preschool aged son. My husband has emotionally abandoned me for quite some time now - it's been about a year and a half. Prior to this he loved me so deeply, which I loved, however he also used to paw all over me and it was WAY TOO smothering. I like to be affectionate and show him love too, but not so intensely! He had to have sex at least once a week, no matter what. At times I have severe depression episodes, and also had brain tumors surgery with a lengthy recover period - even during these times he would attempt sex! Sometimes I would give in just so he could leave me alone, which made me even more depressed. He told me that this is why he turned from hot to COLD – said he couldn't take the rejection anymore.
In October, I found suggestive pics sent to him by a co-worker and txt messages that to me prove he was having an emotional affair. When I confronted him he was angry and still shows anger about it. He keeps saying that it was not an affair and they are just friends that went "over the line" with their joking. But I found out she has also met him in Vegas when he went with his Mom and our son to visit family, and he's also gone camping with her and his friends(just found out about that too). He said he told me he was going to meet a co-worker in Vegas, but to me this is WAY inappropriate. He tried to hang out with her again a week after I told him that this needs to end. That's when I told him "Stop being friends with this *****, or it's over!" He was so mad that he DESTROYED his phone and was even more pissed at me. He seems to have limited contact with her now, but it still bothers me that he still says "hi" to her everyday.
After all this crap, I went to him and said maybe we can find a happy medium, and show more affection to eachother in ways that we BOTH want. That's when he told me that he loved me in a different way. So I asked him, "Are you trying to say, 'I love you but I'm not in love with you.?" That's when he said YES.
After this I setup marriage counseling. Every time we went he ended up yelling at me & storming out at the end of every session. My therapist told me that he has such a huge "wall of resentment" up towards me that I needed to stop trying to make it work and let him make the next move. Well I did that, but after a month of counseling, with hardly ANY effort from him to "try" to make the relationship work and I couldn't take it anymore and left to stay with my parents. He told me "don't go" but he had NO real emotion behind it AT ALL.
It's been a month and a half now and though he is friendly when I talk to him, he never calls me or try to setup any dates. He only tried one time in December but that was it. He is working major overtime right now to afford a new place of his own as our lease is up this month, but it seems like he doesn't care about fighting for our marriage. He says he is striving to make our marriage workd, yet he tells me he tries to stay busy to NOT think about our situation and the fact that he is alone most of the time. After me calling him on Christmas and crying about how there's still no progress, we set it up so that I stay at our condo with him for a few days. But he told me after the first day that he feels "too much anxiety" when he sees me after coming home from work and wanted me to leave with our son! I told his ass to get a hotel room if he's not happy with me being there, and he did just that! After that he verbally attacked me so much that I was scared to even sleep that night. He has since then apologized, but what was said was said, and I feel he's too far gone to recover this marriage.
There's a lot more to this, but this is already too long. Any suggestions would be MUCH APPRECIATED, as I truly still love him and want us to make up, but feel like I am dying inside right now. :(
Thank you and God Bless!
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