This might sounds like a classic case that you read about in the media and your novels. He gets married, he fall in love with the sister, cheat on the wife with the sister and get divorce. But Believe me when I tell you that it is different.
It started five years ago, I met my wife, I still recall every single feature that attracted me to her. These never changed, my wife changed me to an ambitious man, if it weren't for her I wouldn't taken any of the steps and risks to the success I'm in right now. I was a smart man, good at his job, but very limited in his dreams. She stretched these dreams to the edge and managed to push me to my potentials. All my work is dedicated to her. I remember when I first seen her sister, I never felt anything towards her. But two years from that I started to develop these deep feelings, everything she does I started to love, anything she wears, not anything she says though. I'm writer so I express my emotions in writing. I started to write her poems, very deep poems, she initially reacted and then she slowly stopped. The poems were never explicit, I never said I love you or what not. It just portray jealousy, lust, desire, compliments. So recently, she started to simply ignores my texts. She continues to the poems with a heart or a kiss emoji but that's it. You can safely assume that these feelings are one-way and I never taken it to the next level, nothing physical happened. The digital world was the medium for me to drive these feelings. When I see her in person I simply look at her and charge them.
I must also say that she had kids and her kids are very close to me they call me Uncle Carsten and they count the days to spend time with me. Her husband is working outside the country and returns in the weekends, and he is close to me to the point that he actually brags about how he is seeing other girls and sleeping with them. Now I didn't take any advantage of this, no body knows about this but me and I am not willing to use this information anytime soon to sabotage that marriage.
So, the reason I'm writing this, is that as you are starting to say, there is no future to this relation whatsoever, and believe me I don't want anything. I want to stop thinking about her, I don't want to wake up to browse her photos in the morning everyday. I don't want to do that either at night. I tried many times to ignore her, but those feelings man, they weigh tons. The reason I want to treat this started to get jealous, yes I'm jealous when she posts her picture in instagram, I'm jealous when she takes picture with other men. For instance, I just seen her picture on someone else's public profile, I told her about it and she ignored me. I would swear that this will be the last message I send to her.
I thought by ejecting those feelings into poems I will eventually detox myself from this ... love. Chill, I don't like to call it love either, but it sure as hell feels like it. It is not working, I will tell you why I didn't work. I have an app on my phone with a lock on it with nothing but her pictures, cropped, cut and carefully placed and encrypted. So far, I deleted this collection 10 times in the past 3 years. Every time I want to get over her, I delete this collection, erase all my messages, poems and any nice chat that were ever between us. After few weeks I get back and recreate it from scratch and start saving again. I want her to do something I despise her for so I can hate her and demolish my feelings does that make sense?
My feelings towards my wife is still intact, I still love her and I would never cheat on her. I guess by cheating here I mean physically cheating since what I was doing is considered cheating anyway. We are planning a big move to another country, I found a great job, its all thanks to her constant nagging for me to do best. I also don't want to paint my wife a perfect portrait in this post, she does have some flaws but it is irrelevant here and nothing that will wreck a marriage.
I'm sorry if some sentences didn't make sense, English is not my first language as you might have guessed. I can't talk to any of my friends about this, that's why I'm here.
It started five years ago, I met my wife, I still recall every single feature that attracted me to her. These never changed, my wife changed me to an ambitious man, if it weren't for her I wouldn't taken any of the steps and risks to the success I'm in right now. I was a smart man, good at his job, but very limited in his dreams. She stretched these dreams to the edge and managed to push me to my potentials. All my work is dedicated to her. I remember when I first seen her sister, I never felt anything towards her. But two years from that I started to develop these deep feelings, everything she does I started to love, anything she wears, not anything she says though. I'm writer so I express my emotions in writing. I started to write her poems, very deep poems, she initially reacted and then she slowly stopped. The poems were never explicit, I never said I love you or what not. It just portray jealousy, lust, desire, compliments. So recently, she started to simply ignores my texts. She continues to the poems with a heart or a kiss emoji but that's it. You can safely assume that these feelings are one-way and I never taken it to the next level, nothing physical happened. The digital world was the medium for me to drive these feelings. When I see her in person I simply look at her and charge them.
I must also say that she had kids and her kids are very close to me they call me Uncle Carsten and they count the days to spend time with me. Her husband is working outside the country and returns in the weekends, and he is close to me to the point that he actually brags about how he is seeing other girls and sleeping with them. Now I didn't take any advantage of this, no body knows about this but me and I am not willing to use this information anytime soon to sabotage that marriage.
So, the reason I'm writing this, is that as you are starting to say, there is no future to this relation whatsoever, and believe me I don't want anything. I want to stop thinking about her, I don't want to wake up to browse her photos in the morning everyday. I don't want to do that either at night. I tried many times to ignore her, but those feelings man, they weigh tons. The reason I want to treat this started to get jealous, yes I'm jealous when she posts her picture in instagram, I'm jealous when she takes picture with other men. For instance, I just seen her picture on someone else's public profile, I told her about it and she ignored me. I would swear that this will be the last message I send to her.
I thought by ejecting those feelings into poems I will eventually detox myself from this ... love. Chill, I don't like to call it love either, but it sure as hell feels like it. It is not working, I will tell you why I didn't work. I have an app on my phone with a lock on it with nothing but her pictures, cropped, cut and carefully placed and encrypted. So far, I deleted this collection 10 times in the past 3 years. Every time I want to get over her, I delete this collection, erase all my messages, poems and any nice chat that were ever between us. After few weeks I get back and recreate it from scratch and start saving again. I want her to do something I despise her for so I can hate her and demolish my feelings does that make sense?
My feelings towards my wife is still intact, I still love her and I would never cheat on her. I guess by cheating here I mean physically cheating since what I was doing is considered cheating anyway. We are planning a big move to another country, I found a great job, its all thanks to her constant nagging for me to do best. I also don't want to paint my wife a perfect portrait in this post, she does have some flaws but it is irrelevant here and nothing that will wreck a marriage.
I'm sorry if some sentences didn't make sense, English is not my first language as you might have guessed. I can't talk to any of my friends about this, that's why I'm here.
Put the internet to work for you.
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