Complicated stressful week - sorry about the length.
Background - Last October found H had a porn problem which meant he no longer wanted sex with me. H then says he has ED. Worked on the ED and our sex lives, has been good and bad in equal measures. H no longer needs viagra. H is medium drive (if that exists) wanting sex about 4/5 x week with at least two nights for rest.
I have discovered I am HD. I like sex, it makes me feel happy, therapeutic, in love with H again, liking myself. I am also good at it. We agreed that even on 'rest' nights that he would make sure I am satisfied everyday. When he does this we are best of friends and like teenagers again.
This week it all started to slip. Exaggerated yawns, kiss on the shoulder and off to sleep. (It literally takes me minutes to orgasm). He has also decided he no longer likes talking about sex (after making huge leaps in being open and honest with each other). He finds it uncomfortable sharing fantasies or me telling him what I want him to do. So I feel like we are starting to slide backwards. He doesn't like the things I like to do, he made an effort to start with then admitted he can't do it (nothing weird - just being a bit rough and dominating- dirty talk etc).
Last night was the last straw. We had agreed to have sex after several frustrating nights off. During PIV he starts fiddling with his phone! I told him to put it down, a minute later he picks it up again and starts fiddling. It was like the straw that broke the camels back :crying:. I went a bit crazy (embarrassed). I threw his phone into the toilet (I know, I know, I'm ashamed). I told him I wanted to be with someone else who wanted to be with me (not a specific person - I am very faithful). I meant it - it is something that i have been toying with for 8 months (at the stage of planning escape).
H was devastated and begged me not to leave him. We were both in tears and I begged him to just let me go. Told him exactly how I feel. He then (as though to save our marriage at the last hour) opened up about his own fantasies.....
He told me that he fantasized about me having sex with other men :surprise:. This is why he would never share his fantasies with me - he felt ashamed. I know I read about it a fair bit on TAM but is this a common fantasy for men? He doesn't want me to have sex with other people but he finds me flirting with men arousing. Then he feels bad. Is this common? I didn't mind at all, but it shocked me because it is not really like him. Could this be the root of his contradictory sexuality.
I know this all seems like a huge drama about a phone and bad sex etiquette - but it is much more than that. I just need someone to talk to. I'm not even sure what I am asking - I'm just confused.
P.S No porn for 8 months - I'm pretty sure. I don't think he is capable of having an affair. No time and he is painfully shy and intimidated by women.
Background - Last October found H had a porn problem which meant he no longer wanted sex with me. H then says he has ED. Worked on the ED and our sex lives, has been good and bad in equal measures. H no longer needs viagra. H is medium drive (if that exists) wanting sex about 4/5 x week with at least two nights for rest.
I have discovered I am HD. I like sex, it makes me feel happy, therapeutic, in love with H again, liking myself. I am also good at it. We agreed that even on 'rest' nights that he would make sure I am satisfied everyday. When he does this we are best of friends and like teenagers again.
This week it all started to slip. Exaggerated yawns, kiss on the shoulder and off to sleep. (It literally takes me minutes to orgasm). He has also decided he no longer likes talking about sex (after making huge leaps in being open and honest with each other). He finds it uncomfortable sharing fantasies or me telling him what I want him to do. So I feel like we are starting to slide backwards. He doesn't like the things I like to do, he made an effort to start with then admitted he can't do it (nothing weird - just being a bit rough and dominating- dirty talk etc).
Last night was the last straw. We had agreed to have sex after several frustrating nights off. During PIV he starts fiddling with his phone! I told him to put it down, a minute later he picks it up again and starts fiddling. It was like the straw that broke the camels back :crying:. I went a bit crazy (embarrassed). I threw his phone into the toilet (I know, I know, I'm ashamed). I told him I wanted to be with someone else who wanted to be with me (not a specific person - I am very faithful). I meant it - it is something that i have been toying with for 8 months (at the stage of planning escape).
H was devastated and begged me not to leave him. We were both in tears and I begged him to just let me go. Told him exactly how I feel. He then (as though to save our marriage at the last hour) opened up about his own fantasies.....
He told me that he fantasized about me having sex with other men :surprise:. This is why he would never share his fantasies with me - he felt ashamed. I know I read about it a fair bit on TAM but is this a common fantasy for men? He doesn't want me to have sex with other people but he finds me flirting with men arousing. Then he feels bad. Is this common? I didn't mind at all, but it shocked me because it is not really like him. Could this be the root of his contradictory sexuality.
I know this all seems like a huge drama about a phone and bad sex etiquette - but it is much more than that. I just need someone to talk to. I'm not even sure what I am asking - I'm just confused.
P.S No porn for 8 months - I'm pretty sure. I don't think he is capable of having an affair. No time and he is painfully shy and intimidated by women.
Put the internet to work for you.
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