I am new to this forum, and let me say, that the purpose of this post is not necessarily to seek advice as much as it is just to say how I am feeling.
I was married once before my current marriage. It didn't last long, despite the fact that the two of us had been together for years prior to our engagement. The marriage ended abruptly, we were so young, and I took it horribly. I met my current wife right after my divorce and we became very good friends. She had recently gone through a divorce of her own. Her husband had cheated on her and she was much more willing to move on than I was. She watched me grieve, attempt to hide my pain with one night stands and drink myself into a coma almost nightly. I was so reckless with my life and I would not commit to anyone. After about two years of friendship, we finally started "dating". We immediately moved in together for financial reasons. She had two kids from a previous marriage. We never had a "honeymoon" phase, as we immediately set up shop just running a family.
Early on, I never felt a connection in the relationship. I had issues with the relationship she maintained with her ex and was very insecure. We talked about these things, but no real resolution was ever found. I considered ending the relationship several times. After around a year of dating, I decided to leave. I had gone to a couple of apartment complexes checking on rates before going into work. Once I got there, I got a call from her, telling me she was pregnant. Three months later, we were married.
My disconnect continued into the marriage even after our son was born. When he was round two years old, my wife cheated on me with her ex. Despite being furious, I stayed in the relationship due to my son. When he was round five years old, I tried to leave again. But just as before, the thought of being away from him and what a divorce would do to him prevented me from making the move.
After that attempt, I felt myself go numb. I felt that I was destined to remain in the relationship despite my own feelings.
I have always felt that there was a part of me who was still in love with my ex. We have talked on occasion, casually, over the last several years. Nothing inappropriate or secretive. Just run ins at the grocery store or the park. No adultery, not even as much as a handshake.
I have begun telling my wife how I feel. She has responded by faulting herself and not accepting that I am the problem and that I have always been the problem. Seeing her blame herself has been very hard and something I did not see coming.
I love my wife, but I don't think we should have ever taken our relationship beyond friendship. My son is now 11, and again I am scared of how he is going to be affected by a divorce. I want to be happy, I want my wife to be happy, and I want our kids to be happy. Up until now, I have felt the only way to achieve any of these is by sacrificing my own happiness in lieu of theirs. And while I feel that the time is right, I am also scared to death. I don't know what to do.
I was married once before my current marriage. It didn't last long, despite the fact that the two of us had been together for years prior to our engagement. The marriage ended abruptly, we were so young, and I took it horribly. I met my current wife right after my divorce and we became very good friends. She had recently gone through a divorce of her own. Her husband had cheated on her and she was much more willing to move on than I was. She watched me grieve, attempt to hide my pain with one night stands and drink myself into a coma almost nightly. I was so reckless with my life and I would not commit to anyone. After about two years of friendship, we finally started "dating". We immediately moved in together for financial reasons. She had two kids from a previous marriage. We never had a "honeymoon" phase, as we immediately set up shop just running a family.
Early on, I never felt a connection in the relationship. I had issues with the relationship she maintained with her ex and was very insecure. We talked about these things, but no real resolution was ever found. I considered ending the relationship several times. After around a year of dating, I decided to leave. I had gone to a couple of apartment complexes checking on rates before going into work. Once I got there, I got a call from her, telling me she was pregnant. Three months later, we were married.
My disconnect continued into the marriage even after our son was born. When he was round two years old, my wife cheated on me with her ex. Despite being furious, I stayed in the relationship due to my son. When he was round five years old, I tried to leave again. But just as before, the thought of being away from him and what a divorce would do to him prevented me from making the move.
After that attempt, I felt myself go numb. I felt that I was destined to remain in the relationship despite my own feelings.
I have always felt that there was a part of me who was still in love with my ex. We have talked on occasion, casually, over the last several years. Nothing inappropriate or secretive. Just run ins at the grocery store or the park. No adultery, not even as much as a handshake.
I have begun telling my wife how I feel. She has responded by faulting herself and not accepting that I am the problem and that I have always been the problem. Seeing her blame herself has been very hard and something I did not see coming.
I love my wife, but I don't think we should have ever taken our relationship beyond friendship. My son is now 11, and again I am scared of how he is going to be affected by a divorce. I want to be happy, I want my wife to be happy, and I want our kids to be happy. Up until now, I have felt the only way to achieve any of these is by sacrificing my own happiness in lieu of theirs. And while I feel that the time is right, I am also scared to death. I don't know what to do.
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