Hello everyone, first time poster here, found the site via Google.
I have been with my wife (before getting married) for about 8 years and married for just over a year...
Things were fine, we were working opposite shifts, I was finishing up a course in college which is the only reason why I stayed on the shift I was on to begin with. Then, when finished, I moved to another shift so that I could spend more time with her.
Then 2 weeks after I changed shifts, she basically said she wasn't happy and wanted 'space' to figure out what she wants. At first, I was furious since I pay for EVERYTHING, rent, groceries, the car (her's is paid off, I bought a larger vehicle to plan for the future for when we have kids, etc), among many other things such as dining out at restaurants and everything.
So why did she want 'space'? Because apparently I am always 'angry' (I know I'm not angry all the time, I get frustrated because I am trying to improve our future and not blow all my money, etc). She also said it is because I care too much about money. Well, I will fully admit I am pretty much money driven and I know I am. If I want something that costs $ and is reasonable, I'll think about it and if I want it, I'll save for it.
I had hobbies, I had a lot of reptiles, bred them, sold them, saved the money, she didn't like them after we got married so I sold everything for $3000, then some of it to her to help her out, pretty nice thing to do eh?
Anyways, after she said that, I took a few days off of work due to the fact that I was stressed out to no end, and I moved to my dads (about 30-40 minutes away driving) to get out of that area that I lived in since I can remember to try and move on with my life. Has it been easy? No, not at all, my father is an alcoholic and since moving 3-4 weeks ago, I have only seen him without a drink in his hand less times than I can count on 1 hand...
The good thing out of this, we're not mad at each other, she hardly texts me and rarely will I text her since what she wants is space I don't want to invade that. I saw her last weekend for about an hour and we just talked. I did ask if she had any clue what she wanted yet and she didn't. What I do know is that she does NOT want to go to marriage councelling because she thinks everything will go back to normal like how it is now (with me being the way I am).
On the plus side, she said it's not just me, she knows she has her issues as well...
So, you know what else I'm very thankful for? We don't have kids, and we don't own our own house, so thankfully if we do separate it will be pretty easy. She said since she caused all this and she saw how upset I was, she isn't looking to take half of the money I saved towards a house or give me half her debt or anything like that (I don't think that's how it works anyways).
So here is where I start racking my brain and thinking... Why? What did I do to deserve the whole "I don't want marriage councelling, etc"? The last day before I moved, I got off work, told her to come outside for a smoke, I made her look me straight in the eyes and asked her 3 questions (her replies in brackets):
1. Do you still love me? (Yes)
2. Do you still want to be with me? (I think so)
3. Is there anyone else and if so, we can work past it (NO)
That third question, I watched her reaction closely, she didn't blink, didn't look away, didn't swallow or flinch or anything else. But something isn't sitting right with me, part of me thinks she feels guilty about something and doesn't want to own up to it.
So now, I explained to my wife that we should fill out paperwork with what I am taking, what she is taking, what she is not taking and what I am not taking and file it. She said that's fine and we will... what she doesn't know... yet, is that this will be a legal separation agreement so later on she can't come back and try and get money out of me, it kind of proves her point, but I basically saved a LOT of $ before we got married (and little since it was going elsewhere after marriage) and I want to protect that as best I can. We have so far agreed with no arguments about what I can take and what she can take, for all I care, all I want is to know that my finances are safe and so far they are.
So here I am, at work, I go on break the other day and had a message from a friend (she heard about all of this from my buddy who bumped into her) asking if everything was alright. I said I'm good but would rather explain what's going on in person not over text or whatever. I asked her if I could meet up with her sometime for a drink or something and maybe become friends again (It's a long story as to why I basically told her to f--- off and never talk to me again). She said definitely.
Unfortunately for me, this friend, I used to be infatuated with, and when I say that, I mean I would do anything for this person. I am afraid that once I start talking to her again that this will happen again. That's not what I'm actually afraid of, what I am afraid of is that I would feel guilty. I am married (legally) and truly do love my wife. But she isn't there for me anymore. Would it be wrong to find someone else wether it be an emotional or physical relationship?
Out of all of this, after being kind of single for almost a month, I have been doing absolutely nothing but going to work, coming home and going to bed, a friend or 2 may come by on the weekend and I live in a VERY nice area, so we'll walk to the bars close to where I am and have a beer at each bar (about 15 in total) then I'll walk my drunk ass home :D (only done this twice so far). But the wierd thing is is I feel somewhat relieved, I am not happy, but somewhat relived if that makes sense.
I have been with my wife (before getting married) for about 8 years and married for just over a year...
Things were fine, we were working opposite shifts, I was finishing up a course in college which is the only reason why I stayed on the shift I was on to begin with. Then, when finished, I moved to another shift so that I could spend more time with her.
Then 2 weeks after I changed shifts, she basically said she wasn't happy and wanted 'space' to figure out what she wants. At first, I was furious since I pay for EVERYTHING, rent, groceries, the car (her's is paid off, I bought a larger vehicle to plan for the future for when we have kids, etc), among many other things such as dining out at restaurants and everything.
So why did she want 'space'? Because apparently I am always 'angry' (I know I'm not angry all the time, I get frustrated because I am trying to improve our future and not blow all my money, etc). She also said it is because I care too much about money. Well, I will fully admit I am pretty much money driven and I know I am. If I want something that costs $ and is reasonable, I'll think about it and if I want it, I'll save for it.
I had hobbies, I had a lot of reptiles, bred them, sold them, saved the money, she didn't like them after we got married so I sold everything for $3000, then some of it to her to help her out, pretty nice thing to do eh?
Anyways, after she said that, I took a few days off of work due to the fact that I was stressed out to no end, and I moved to my dads (about 30-40 minutes away driving) to get out of that area that I lived in since I can remember to try and move on with my life. Has it been easy? No, not at all, my father is an alcoholic and since moving 3-4 weeks ago, I have only seen him without a drink in his hand less times than I can count on 1 hand...
The good thing out of this, we're not mad at each other, she hardly texts me and rarely will I text her since what she wants is space I don't want to invade that. I saw her last weekend for about an hour and we just talked. I did ask if she had any clue what she wanted yet and she didn't. What I do know is that she does NOT want to go to marriage councelling because she thinks everything will go back to normal like how it is now (with me being the way I am).
On the plus side, she said it's not just me, she knows she has her issues as well...
So, you know what else I'm very thankful for? We don't have kids, and we don't own our own house, so thankfully if we do separate it will be pretty easy. She said since she caused all this and she saw how upset I was, she isn't looking to take half of the money I saved towards a house or give me half her debt or anything like that (I don't think that's how it works anyways).
So here is where I start racking my brain and thinking... Why? What did I do to deserve the whole "I don't want marriage councelling, etc"? The last day before I moved, I got off work, told her to come outside for a smoke, I made her look me straight in the eyes and asked her 3 questions (her replies in brackets):
1. Do you still love me? (Yes)
2. Do you still want to be with me? (I think so)
3. Is there anyone else and if so, we can work past it (NO)
That third question, I watched her reaction closely, she didn't blink, didn't look away, didn't swallow or flinch or anything else. But something isn't sitting right with me, part of me thinks she feels guilty about something and doesn't want to own up to it.
So now, I explained to my wife that we should fill out paperwork with what I am taking, what she is taking, what she is not taking and what I am not taking and file it. She said that's fine and we will... what she doesn't know... yet, is that this will be a legal separation agreement so later on she can't come back and try and get money out of me, it kind of proves her point, but I basically saved a LOT of $ before we got married (and little since it was going elsewhere after marriage) and I want to protect that as best I can. We have so far agreed with no arguments about what I can take and what she can take, for all I care, all I want is to know that my finances are safe and so far they are.
So here I am, at work, I go on break the other day and had a message from a friend (she heard about all of this from my buddy who bumped into her) asking if everything was alright. I said I'm good but would rather explain what's going on in person not over text or whatever. I asked her if I could meet up with her sometime for a drink or something and maybe become friends again (It's a long story as to why I basically told her to f--- off and never talk to me again). She said definitely.
Unfortunately for me, this friend, I used to be infatuated with, and when I say that, I mean I would do anything for this person. I am afraid that once I start talking to her again that this will happen again. That's not what I'm actually afraid of, what I am afraid of is that I would feel guilty. I am married (legally) and truly do love my wife. But she isn't there for me anymore. Would it be wrong to find someone else wether it be an emotional or physical relationship?
Out of all of this, after being kind of single for almost a month, I have been doing absolutely nothing but going to work, coming home and going to bed, a friend or 2 may come by on the weekend and I live in a VERY nice area, so we'll walk to the bars close to where I am and have a beer at each bar (about 15 in total) then I'll walk my drunk ass home :D (only done this twice so far). But the wierd thing is is I feel somewhat relieved, I am not happy, but somewhat relived if that makes sense.
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