It has been a month since my whole world shattered when my husband asked for a divorce. Almost 2 months ago, we had plans to have a nice evening together, but he told me he had to work late & something just didn't feel right, so I drove to his office to find him & his receptionist having drinks at his office after hours. After the confrontation, he blew up at me & told me he wasn't happy & that certain things in our marriage needed to change, but promised me he hadn't cheated on me, but that had been talking to her a lot about me & our marriage. He said they texted one another & he flat out told me he deleted their texts, b/c he didn't want me seeing them. I decided to try my hardest to fix the things he felt were broken on my part & while I was devastated about this emotional affair, I thought we could work out our problems. He told me during that time when we were working things out, that he was happier than he'd ever been. < br>
2 weeks later, we had an arguement about his involvement with his receptionist & I told him I felt it was a form of cheating...an emotional affair. He got extremely angry with me that I called it that & left, saying he wasn't leaving me, but that he needed to take some time apart. That following Monday, he tells me he wants a divorce & that the night after he left, he met up with the OW & kissed her, but then felt bad about it. Mind you, I was at home, waiting & wondering when he would come home. He said in his mind, he was done with our marriage that night & didn't consider it cheating, even though he decided he wanted us to work things out days after he told me he wanted a divorce. I was willing to try with him, b/c I didn't want to lose him. I love him so much & would have done anything at that point to save our marriage. He strung me along for a week, telling me he loved me, he wanted me back, etc, etc. Then the following week, he became cold & aloof & now says he wants kids & doesn't think it will ever happen with me. I have an old back injury w/ a 3 level spinal fusion, but I wanted to get in enough shape for us to try.
I'm 35 & for most of our marriage, it was practically sexless. He had low testosterone & I put up with that when so many people would have walked out. He started going on testosterone replacement therapy about a year & a half ago and now he wants to have sex all the time. And now, he decides he wants kids when we could have tried years ago. He thinks that b/c I'm 35, I have to get pregnant right now...like 35 is the biological cut-off for my fertility. I know I wasn't the perfect wife & we had a pretty bad year with outside stresses, but we were best friends & always enjoyed one another's company. He told me he didn't realize he was unhappy this year until he met his receptionist. I think they are together now & it is driving me mad.
To top it all off, he served me with divorce papers that said he wants me out of the house in 2 months & after that, I'm on my own, save for my health insurance, which he would pay until the end of the year. He was the sole breadwinner in our marriage...I didn't work, due to my back injury & so basically feels like he's throwing me away like an old toy. He drained our joint account with his partying & then closed it, leaving me without a penny to my name for a while. Thankfully, my parents have helped me retain an attorney...no way I'm going to sign his papers. He did recently tell me he left me money & paid our bills for now at least when I told him I had copies of our bank statements of his partying.
I just feel sad, scared, broken & alone. I keep torturing myself with all my regrets...things I maybe could have done to prevent him from involving himself with another woman. I miss him so much & can't stop thinking about "what might have been." I feel like this testosterone replacement therapy has turned him into a person I don't recognize anymore. Someone completely devoid of empathy. I feel so lost & don't even know where to start at rebuilding a new life without him in it. I keep grieving over the man he once was. Anyhoo, thank you for letting me vent on here.
2 weeks later, we had an arguement about his involvement with his receptionist & I told him I felt it was a form of cheating...an emotional affair. He got extremely angry with me that I called it that & left, saying he wasn't leaving me, but that he needed to take some time apart. That following Monday, he tells me he wants a divorce & that the night after he left, he met up with the OW & kissed her, but then felt bad about it. Mind you, I was at home, waiting & wondering when he would come home. He said in his mind, he was done with our marriage that night & didn't consider it cheating, even though he decided he wanted us to work things out days after he told me he wanted a divorce. I was willing to try with him, b/c I didn't want to lose him. I love him so much & would have done anything at that point to save our marriage. He strung me along for a week, telling me he loved me, he wanted me back, etc, etc. Then the following week, he became cold & aloof & now says he wants kids & doesn't think it will ever happen with me. I have an old back injury w/ a 3 level spinal fusion, but I wanted to get in enough shape for us to try.
I'm 35 & for most of our marriage, it was practically sexless. He had low testosterone & I put up with that when so many people would have walked out. He started going on testosterone replacement therapy about a year & a half ago and now he wants to have sex all the time. And now, he decides he wants kids when we could have tried years ago. He thinks that b/c I'm 35, I have to get pregnant right now...like 35 is the biological cut-off for my fertility. I know I wasn't the perfect wife & we had a pretty bad year with outside stresses, but we were best friends & always enjoyed one another's company. He told me he didn't realize he was unhappy this year until he met his receptionist. I think they are together now & it is driving me mad.
To top it all off, he served me with divorce papers that said he wants me out of the house in 2 months & after that, I'm on my own, save for my health insurance, which he would pay until the end of the year. He was the sole breadwinner in our marriage...I didn't work, due to my back injury & so basically feels like he's throwing me away like an old toy. He drained our joint account with his partying & then closed it, leaving me without a penny to my name for a while. Thankfully, my parents have helped me retain an attorney...no way I'm going to sign his papers. He did recently tell me he left me money & paid our bills for now at least when I told him I had copies of our bank statements of his partying.
I just feel sad, scared, broken & alone. I keep torturing myself with all my regrets...things I maybe could have done to prevent him from involving himself with another woman. I miss him so much & can't stop thinking about "what might have been." I feel like this testosterone replacement therapy has turned him into a person I don't recognize anymore. Someone completely devoid of empathy. I feel so lost & don't even know where to start at rebuilding a new life without him in it. I keep grieving over the man he once was. Anyhoo, thank you for letting me vent on here.
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