Ok , so upon a major uncovering and after years of signs my wife of 26 years has agreed to leave initially. Not that there should be blame cast on her or me she probably feels it is more her issue (needing time to think) than mine and more importantly our schedules and routine makes it wiser & more logical for me to be in the house. I do not look at this as an opportunity for her (or I) to playing around, as I do not think that is what our issue is about (despite some screwed up signs, in another thread).
So I need to move forward. I am, I feel sick, I am not happy about this but despite finding out some stuff "yesterday" our relationship really has been culminating to this point, again I am so sad… and mad.
I am slightly anal, an engineering mind so I am figuring there is a process to separation that should be performed. So while I am here in the office I am thinking of what I can do here.
Since I am the one who handles all the bills & finances , I have all the records here. I sent her an email copy of as many current bills I have copies of plus I added a comments sheet for those bills that are less obvious. I am thinking now I have completed one operation. What else am I missing?
Next I am thinking is to figure out living arrangements. We have tentatively planned that she will leave the house for now. I am not opposed to switching but living together is totally out. Funny as I look back we have JUST been living together for all these years anyway (fwb…). So a total separation is needed to move on imo. To that extent I have just searched on line, in case it is decided that it should be me to leave. Of course I would need to be near the house, my kids but I do not know what to do. Any suggestions? Do I try to by something small or rent , for how long / what term.
I do not want to call a lawyer yet. I am really fearful of spending a lot of what we have saved on fees. I do not think we will have a contentious separation; we are both committed to being civil for the kids. But when the time comes, I guess for formal paper work, who do I seek out; what type of attorney (aside from the obvious) do I look at gender, expertise, and focused practice, near me?
We will tell our kids tonight that we are having problems and we are aiming to fix them. We will tell them about our time apart. We will reaffirm to them that they are loved unconditionally and that the issues between us are not in any way related to the family. Our issues are personal and they will remain that way. Despite being a very emotional guy, I am sure we will pull this off very adult and professional like. Am I being unrealistic?
Tonight she is coming home from a conference; I have agreed that we can be in the same house but not tomorrow night.
What else do I need to do.
What does someone do the next day after the life the way they knew it changes? The routines are all not the same anymore. I am surely not one who mopes, I need a plan, I need to do something.
So I need to move forward. I am, I feel sick, I am not happy about this but despite finding out some stuff "yesterday" our relationship really has been culminating to this point, again I am so sad… and mad.
I am slightly anal, an engineering mind so I am figuring there is a process to separation that should be performed. So while I am here in the office I am thinking of what I can do here.
Since I am the one who handles all the bills & finances , I have all the records here. I sent her an email copy of as many current bills I have copies of plus I added a comments sheet for those bills that are less obvious. I am thinking now I have completed one operation. What else am I missing?
Next I am thinking is to figure out living arrangements. We have tentatively planned that she will leave the house for now. I am not opposed to switching but living together is totally out. Funny as I look back we have JUST been living together for all these years anyway (fwb…). So a total separation is needed to move on imo. To that extent I have just searched on line, in case it is decided that it should be me to leave. Of course I would need to be near the house, my kids but I do not know what to do. Any suggestions? Do I try to by something small or rent , for how long / what term.
I do not want to call a lawyer yet. I am really fearful of spending a lot of what we have saved on fees. I do not think we will have a contentious separation; we are both committed to being civil for the kids. But when the time comes, I guess for formal paper work, who do I seek out; what type of attorney (aside from the obvious) do I look at gender, expertise, and focused practice, near me?
We will tell our kids tonight that we are having problems and we are aiming to fix them. We will tell them about our time apart. We will reaffirm to them that they are loved unconditionally and that the issues between us are not in any way related to the family. Our issues are personal and they will remain that way. Despite being a very emotional guy, I am sure we will pull this off very adult and professional like. Am I being unrealistic?
Tonight she is coming home from a conference; I have agreed that we can be in the same house but not tomorrow night.
What else do I need to do.
What does someone do the next day after the life the way they knew it changes? The routines are all not the same anymore. I am surely not one who mopes, I need a plan, I need to do something.
Put the internet to work for you.
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