First some background information: I met my husband in March of 2013. We moved in together in July 2013 and got married in March 2014. I do realize that we kind of rushed into it, especially since I'm only 19, but I love him with all of my heart. We have only been married for almost 4 months, but we are already having some bad problems.
1) We have a hard time with communication. It seems like every time that we have a serious conversation, it turns into a fight. Usually, its about money, or our pets, or small things. I'm not even quite sure who starts the fights anymore. If we don't agree, we just end up yelling. This is basically an everyday occurrence. A day without a fight is rare.
Sometimes when he hurts my feelings and I start to cry (I blame that on me still being an "emotional teenager") plus, I never really had a thick skin with people I care about. I try to leave the room so I don't start yelling. When he sees my tears, he usually says something mean and patronizing like, "Do you need a tissue?" (sarcastically) or "Go ahead and shut yourself in the bedroom and cry now like usual."
Now I probably know what you are thinking by now, "That guy sounds like an a**!" And trust me, I know. He really is. But other times, he is the sweetest guy ever. I love him, a** or not. I think he just says those things out of anger or frustration. He usually doesn't really apologize, once he calms down, he just comes into the room and hugs me. By that point, I don't want to continue the conversation or ask for an apology because I don't want to start another fight.
2) We rarely have sex anymore. I'm definitely not sex-starved, we have sex a few times a month. (We honestly only had sex once during out week long honeymoon. Once.) The problem is, I want it all the time, probably again due to me being a hormonal teenager. He never seems to want it, and when it happens, he doesn't really put a lot of effort into it. It will last maybe 10 minutes, and it will be boring. Occasionally its mind blowing, for me anyway. He never really moans or anything, so I can't really tell if he enjoys it or not. Of course he says he does, but you never really know. He always makes sure I get off, but it seems like he treats it more as a duty then something he wants to do. A few times, he stopped right after I got off and before he did. This kinda makes me think he only has sex with me because I want it, and not because he does, which is strange considering he is only 24.
When we first started having sex, we did it ALL the time, several times a day, and it was always amazing. I just don't know why this has changed so soon.
3) I feel like he is always comparing me to his ex-girlfriends. For some reason, they always come up. For example, I will be watching a tv show and ask him to join me, and he will say something like "No, my ex used to watch that." Or I will do something and he will say, "My ex used to do that." Or, "Please don't act like my ex." I can't help what I like to do and watch. I'm not going to change myself or my personality.
4) We never go on dates. We will plan one, but due to our financial constraints, we never get to. We never even really eat dinner together. Ill ask him what he wants for dinner, and I'll work to have it done when he comes home from work. Once he gets home, he will have already eaten or not be hungry, even though I made him what he asked me to. That doesn't seem like a big deal, but it makes me so angry because it happens all the time. We have a lot of money problems. If I knew I was the only that was going to be eating, I wouldn't make a whole dinner. I would just have a snack or something to save money.
I know this turned out to be a huge post, but I really need help. I want my marriage to work. If anyone has any idea of what we can change or what I'm doing wrong, please let me know. It would be great to have the point of view of some men on this too.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
1) We have a hard time with communication. It seems like every time that we have a serious conversation, it turns into a fight. Usually, its about money, or our pets, or small things. I'm not even quite sure who starts the fights anymore. If we don't agree, we just end up yelling. This is basically an everyday occurrence. A day without a fight is rare.
Sometimes when he hurts my feelings and I start to cry (I blame that on me still being an "emotional teenager") plus, I never really had a thick skin with people I care about. I try to leave the room so I don't start yelling. When he sees my tears, he usually says something mean and patronizing like, "Do you need a tissue?" (sarcastically) or "Go ahead and shut yourself in the bedroom and cry now like usual."
Now I probably know what you are thinking by now, "That guy sounds like an a**!" And trust me, I know. He really is. But other times, he is the sweetest guy ever. I love him, a** or not. I think he just says those things out of anger or frustration. He usually doesn't really apologize, once he calms down, he just comes into the room and hugs me. By that point, I don't want to continue the conversation or ask for an apology because I don't want to start another fight.
2) We rarely have sex anymore. I'm definitely not sex-starved, we have sex a few times a month. (We honestly only had sex once during out week long honeymoon. Once.) The problem is, I want it all the time, probably again due to me being a hormonal teenager. He never seems to want it, and when it happens, he doesn't really put a lot of effort into it. It will last maybe 10 minutes, and it will be boring. Occasionally its mind blowing, for me anyway. He never really moans or anything, so I can't really tell if he enjoys it or not. Of course he says he does, but you never really know. He always makes sure I get off, but it seems like he treats it more as a duty then something he wants to do. A few times, he stopped right after I got off and before he did. This kinda makes me think he only has sex with me because I want it, and not because he does, which is strange considering he is only 24.
When we first started having sex, we did it ALL the time, several times a day, and it was always amazing. I just don't know why this has changed so soon.
3) I feel like he is always comparing me to his ex-girlfriends. For some reason, they always come up. For example, I will be watching a tv show and ask him to join me, and he will say something like "No, my ex used to watch that." Or I will do something and he will say, "My ex used to do that." Or, "Please don't act like my ex." I can't help what I like to do and watch. I'm not going to change myself or my personality.
4) We never go on dates. We will plan one, but due to our financial constraints, we never get to. We never even really eat dinner together. Ill ask him what he wants for dinner, and I'll work to have it done when he comes home from work. Once he gets home, he will have already eaten or not be hungry, even though I made him what he asked me to. That doesn't seem like a big deal, but it makes me so angry because it happens all the time. We have a lot of money problems. If I knew I was the only that was going to be eating, I wouldn't make a whole dinner. I would just have a snack or something to save money.
I know this turned out to be a huge post, but I really need help. I want my marriage to work. If anyone has any idea of what we can change or what I'm doing wrong, please let me know. It would be great to have the point of view of some men on this too.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
Put the internet to work for you.
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