hey guys, i'm hoping for some advice without being judged too much. this might be a bit long, so read at your own discretion.
basically i met this guy online a year ago, who i sort of lied to for about 6 months. well the lie that i told wasn't specifically to him. i had messed up and said it on the forum that we were on and i never really told him the truth. anyway, six months later i told him and instead of outing me or never wanting to speak to me again, he decided he wanted some time to see how he felt and at the very least we should remain friends. two months later, he said he wasn't okay with the lying and he wanted to end things and wished i had been straight with him from the start.
i accepted it, and left him alone for a month. then i emailed him, to clarify and sort of give an explanation for my lie (not a justification in case anyone thinks so) and he said my email made him change his mind about talking and seeing how things go between us. well, the thing is we both don't really want to be in relationships out of marriage so anything that happens needs to lead up to getting married. but now he says that he doesn't want to get married right now and it has to do with what happened with me. and i totally understand that, and feel awful about it.
it's been two months since we've been talking and for the past three weeks, we've gotten into the habit of talking every day and it's been great, we don't touch any serious topics and are just enjoying bantering with each other. but i asked him randomly whether he still feels weird about everything, he says he doesn't really but he also doesn't feel like being serious with anyone right now or thinking about marriage. which is fine by me, as i also feel the same. but then he said he thinks he would definitely consider us going in that direction however he can't promise that he'd want to be serious with me when he feels ready for marriage.
my issue is this: he knows and accepts my apologies and i honestly don't think most guys would be okay with that, he's truly awesome for that. he says he has no serious issues with me which makes me feel horrible for putting him through all that, and i feel as though he should probably have no respect for me because of it. but on the other hand, he must really like me if he has forgiven me for it and we are at a point where we can easily talk and joke around daily. he says he doesn't want to be serious with anyone, but i'm sure guys don't just talk with girls and make cute comments daily just as friends right? part of me thinks, maybe he might just want to be friends and the other part is amazed at how much he can tolerate. yes, i still slightly beat myself up over my stupidity.
so i'm not sure what to do.
he says he wants to talk and we skype once a week. so do i wait it out for a year and see if he feels like he could marry me? i mean we're both in no rush, but i just know that we both don't date around and the end goal for us is marriage.. so if he needs that time, then i think i owe it to him to give it.
or should i just end it now? i've caused him to question his beliefs in marriage and that is horrible, because of how strong he felt about it before. i feel like he shouldn't respect me for it. and also, what if in a year he decides he's ready for marriage but not with me, with someone else? i don't want to put myself through that pain.
he's said he still likes me, and when i share pictures or we're skyping he mentions that he thinks i'm beautiful/compliments me etc. and some of the jokes we make, well a lot of them are related to the time when we were together. when he says he doesn't want to be serious, he means not think about marrying anyone.. but if he's saying things like these then he must at the very least be possibly, somewhat interested in me for that purpose right?
ps. no he's not trying to just get into my pants lol, i know that much for sure.
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