I lost my grandma on Monday and I live and work away from home, I decided not to go home until the funeral and I feel guilty because all of my family are together and were there when she died and I didn't get to say bye, I haven't told anyone at work or my housemate or friends. I've been acting totally normal like its not even happened and I don't understand why. I'm normally open with everyone about everything but I can't bring myself to say my grandma has died. I think I feel that because no one knows her they won't appreciate what it is to lose her, I lost my other grandma 2 years ago who I was much closer to (which I also feel guilty about, I don't want my dad to feel awful that I was more upset when my mums mum died as I loved them both very much) and I felt that peoples sympathy wasn't genuine and was short lived, I feel that people don't really care and just say what they think they have to say. Because of this I feel quite alone and I my parents are quite angry at the moment because they are arranging the funeral and it is stressful to organise it around other peoples lives including mine, my dad is driving 2 hours to pick me up the day before the funeral and dropping me back the next day after the funeral because I physically cannot bring myself to ask for time off work and explain the reason why. I haven't said this to my parents, I think they just get it, but I feel guilty talking about my feelings and such because there having such a bad time. My siblings aren't great talkers either, not about anything serious so I can't tell them how I feel either. I think I feel guilty and sad because I have no specific memories with my grandma and I really wish I had spent more time getting to know about her, I feel like I've wasted 22 years with her, not wanting to ask her personal questions because she always seemed quite guarded, I knew everything about my other grandma. I feel sad because I don't know her favourite song, her favou rite place, I can't remember how her and grandad met, I never learnt anything about her and I can't get that time back and I feel regretful. I thought I knew her but I knew nothing about her and I don't know how to deal with this at all.
Put the internet to work for you.
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